Half-Arse Human by Leena Norms: A Comedy on Burning Out Less

Leena Norms:  

Half-Arse Human by Leena Norms isn’t a productivity manual—it’s a permission slip. A permission slip to rest. To be messy. To do things halfway if that’s all you’ve got in the tank. When I first scribbled the words “maybe good enough is enough” into my journal, I didn’t realize it would one day be shouted from atop glitter floats and burnout banners onstage. But here we are—turning exhaustion into art, and perfectionism into punchlines.

This show isn’t about being lazy—it’s about being human. The kind of human who laughs at the chaos, cancels plans, and finally learns how to say no without guilt and nap without shame. So take a breath, un-clench your jaw, and enjoy a theatrical rebellion that asks just one thing of you: don’t give your whole arse to everything.

(Note: This is an imaginary conversation, a creative exploration of an idea, and not a real speech or event.)

Scene 1: The Productivity Hunger Games

(Inspired by “Half-Arse Human” by Leena Norms)

Opening Narration – Leena Norms (Vlog-Style)

(Center spotlight. Leena steps forward with a mug of lukewarm tea.)

LEENA:
Right. So, welcome to The Productivity Hunger Games, a savage tournament where adult humans compete for gold stars, burnout, and that elusive dopamine hit from a ticked-off checklist. In this scene, we’ll witness the madness we call "getting stuff done" — where opening a tab means sacrificing your soul and inbox zero is just a myth told to children at bedtime. Let’s begin.

(She sips. The lights dim. Cue Game Show Theme Music.)

ACT 1 – Welcome to the Arena

(Lights up on a giant open-plan “office arena.” The stage is split into zones: the Email Pit, the Gym Corner, and the Zen Failure Booth.)

A booming voice echoes through the loudspeakers.

ANNOUNCER (V.O.):
Welcome, contenders, to the 2025 Productivity Hunger Games! Today’s challenges include: Responding to Emails You Opened Three Days Ago, Cooking a Balanced Meal Without Crying, and… Posting a Motivational Reel While Having an Existential Crisis!

(Applause sound. Three contestants shuffle in.)

• CONTESTANT #1: Wearing gym leggings, a headset mic, and wildly clutching a bullet journal.
• CONTESTANT #2: Covered in Post-it notes, carrying a sourdough starter named “Karen.”
• CONTESTANT #3: Already lying down on the stage with a laptop balanced on their stomach.

ACT 2 – The Tasks Begin

COACH:
Alright, team! Remember: If you’re not thriving, you’re failing! Let’s warm up with a quick “morning routine” you only saw once on YouTube.

(Contestants awkwardly stretch and chant affirmations like “I AM PRODUCTIVE!” while checking Slack on their phones.)

COACH (CONT'D):
And now—Obstacle One: THE EMAIL MAZE! You must find the One Email That Needs a Response Without Getting Sucked Into Twelve Tabs.

(Contestants dash to the Email Pit. One opens Gmail and immediately collapses.)

CONTESTANT #1 (sobbing):
I opened a LinkedIn message from 2018. Now I’m applying for jobs I don’t want. I’ve lost myself!

CONTESTANT #2 (wild-eyed):
I started replying but now I’m researching Ancient Mayan productivity rituals on Wikipedia. Help.

CONTESTANT #3 (from floor):
I deleted Gmail and achieved peace.

(Applause. A Zen gong sounds. Contestant #3 is handed a vegan biscuit and a weighted blanket.)

ACT 3 – The Self-Care Trap

ANNOUNCER (V.O.):
Next Challenge: Perform Self-Care… without monetizing it.

(A giant treadmill labeled “Self-Care Wheel” appears. It includes “Yoga,” “Bubble Bath,” “Side Hustle,” and “Toxic Positivity.”)

COACH:
Go!

(Contestants try to step into a yoga pose while checking email, sipping green juice, and narrating for imaginary followers.)

CONTESTANT #1:
Welcome back to my channel, today’s vibe is… completely falling apart internally but look at my candle!

(Trips over foam roller. The candle explodes in glitter.)

CONTESTANT #2:
Can I just... nap? Is that allowed?

COACH:
Only if it’s a power nap scheduled between “Email Blitz” and “Meditation While Multitasking.”

ACT 4 – The Final Test: The Decision Paralysis Gauntlet

ANNOUNCER (V.O.):
Final challenge: Choose your next step — with 400 equally good/bad options! You have 30 seconds to pick a task without spiraling into a decision wormhole.

(A giant spinning wheel labeled “To-Do List” appears. Sectors include: “Pay That Bill,” “Start That Novel,” “Laundry?” and “Stare Blankly Into the Void.”)

(Contestants spin. Panic sets in.)

CONTESTANT #1:
It landed on “Be Happy.” What does that even mean?

CONTESTANT #2:
Mine says “Declutter My Life.” Emotionally or physically??

CONTESTANT #3 (from floor):
Mine says “Talk to HR.” I’m self-employed.

(Confetti falls. A kazoo plays the national anthem of Overwhelmed Millennials.)

Finale – Leena Returns

(Spotlight on Leena. The contestants have collapsed into bean bags, sipping chamomile and reading coloring books.)

LEENA:
So… what have we learned? That doing more doesn’t mean you’re more. That “productivity” is sometimes just fear in yoga pants. And that maybe — just maybe — opening one email, folding one towel, or simply not crying in the grocery aisle… might be your gold medal for the day.

(Pause.)

LEENA (smiling):
Also, unfollow that guy who drinks butter coffee and shouts about morning routines. Seriously.

(She sips her tea. Lights fade to the sound of one slow kazoo playing “Eye of the Tiger.”)

Scene 2: The Multitasker’s Support Group

Opening Narration – Leena Norms (Vlog-Style)

(Lights up. Leena appears in the corner, curled up on a couch with five mugs and three notebooks.)

LEENA:
Ah yes, the multitasker. A noble beast. Half-loading the dishwasher while listening to a podcast about focus, answering emails mid-toothbrush, and somehow forgetting where they put the baby… or their own soul.
Welcome to the Multitasker’s Support Group—a brave circle of people who’ve tried to do everything, everywhere, all at once… and now can’t remember why they walked into the kitchen.

(She sips tea out of a measuring cup. Lights fade in on the stage.)

ACT 1 – The Gathering

(Dim lighting. A multipurpose room in a church basement. Folding chairs form a circle. Each member carries multiple items: laptops, tote bags, children’s toys, fitness trackers.)

FACILITATOR (calmly, too calmly):
Welcome, everyone. Let’s start by sharing what you didn’t finish today.

LINDSEY (juggling a baby doll, calendar, and knitting):
Hi, I’m Lindsey. I started an email about therapy for my child and ended up organizing my spice rack. I forgot to send the email… but now turmeric is alphabetized.

(Applause.)

TOM (wearing three smartwatches):
I scheduled four self-care breaks and used them to check on my to-do list. I now need a break from the breaks.

MAYA (holding a yoga mat and slow cooker):
I was meal-prepping while on a Zoom call. I accidentally sent my boss a recipe for lentil stew.

ACT 2 – The Interruptions Begin

(Suddenly, devices begin going off in a symphony of chaos: pings, alarms, Alexa reminders.)

LINDSEY:
Wait—my reminder says “Be Present.” Where? For what?

TOM:
Mine says “Apologize to Jen.” I don’t know a Jen.

MAYA (checking phone):
Mine says “Hydrate or Die.” Wow. Harsh.

(They each slowly silence their devices and blink into the abyss.)

FACILITATOR:
Let’s try a grounding exercise. Everyone take a deep breath and name one thing you're doing right now that serves absolutely no purpose.

LINDSEY:
I’m crocheting a coaster that’s too small for any mug.

TOM:
I’ve been tracking my step count during this meeting.

MAYA:
I’ve opened five new browser tabs in my mind. None of them are useful.

ACT 3 – The Spiral of Tasks

(Spotlight shifts to a whiteboard labeled “TO-DO WHIRLPOOL.” Each member writes down one unfinished task. The board quickly becomes a chaos spiral.)

• “Renew driver’s license”
• “Book eye test”
• “Start novel”
• “Finish novel”
• “Eat something green”
• “Fix inner child”

TOM (staring):
If I just do them all at once, I’ll be free… right?

(He picks up a phone and simultaneously begins typing, eating a granola bar, and jogging in place.)

MAYA (watching in horror):
Tom, no! That’s how you black out and wake up subscribed to seven online courses.

ACT 4 – The Group Meltdown

FACILITATOR:
Let’s try a visualization. Imagine yourself doing just one thing...

(Everyone gasps. Maya drops her kombucha.)

LINDSEY:
Just one?! But what if I’m not doing enough?

TOM (panicking):
How will I prove my worth to the invisible productivity gods??

MAYA:
What if I do nothing... and the Earth keeps spinning anyway?

(They sit. Slowly, they stop fidgeting. Silence falls.)

ACT 5 – The First Real Break

(A warm yellow light fills the room. Everyone sets their devices down. One by one, they sip tea without checking anything.)

FACILITATOR (smiling gently):
You’re allowed to be one thing at a time. You’re allowed to do less and still be enough.

LINDSEY (whispers):
I don’t even know what my own voice sounds like when it’s not multitasking.

TOM:
I think… I just heard a bird outside.

MAYA (in wonder):
I think I’m… breathing.

(A toaster dings in the distance. Everyone applauds gently, unsure why.)

Final Narration – Leena Returns

(Back to Leena, now eating cereal from a measuring jug.)

LEENA:
The truth is, multitasking makes us feel like we’re moving when really… we’re just buffering. And buffering. And buffering.
So next time you try to fold laundry while giving someone emotional support and reading a book on boundary-setting, just remember—burnt toast is still toast. You're still fed.

(She smirks.)
Or as my washing machine says, “Unbalanced load. Please try again.”

(Spotlight fades. End of scene.)

Scene 3: The Full-Ass vs. Half-Arse Debate Club

A comedic battle of extremes that questions our modern obsession with “doing it all”—while half of us just want a nap and a snack.

🎙️ Opening Narration – Leena Norms (as Debate Moderator)

(Leena appears behind a podium with a cup of lukewarm tea and a debate bell that doesn’t work.)

LEENA:
Welcome to the prestigious, ever-chaotic Debate Club of the Modern Human Spirit—where we answer the burning question:
💥 Is it better to go Full-Ass… or proudly Half-Arse it? 💥
Tonight’s contenders: Team Full-Ass—ambitious, highly caffeinated, and sponsored by burnout.
Versus Team Half-Arse—slightly confused, mildly hydrated, and emotionally resilient.

(She presses the bell. It squeaks. A disco ball lowers halfway and stops.)

ACT 1 – Team Full-Ass Speaks

(Two overly polished speakers march up. Matching power suits. One carries a vision board, the other a color-coded calendar.)

FULL-ASS 1 (PERFECTIONISTA):
Ladies and gentlemen, we were not born to rest—we were born to optimize. If you’re not rising at 5 AM to train, write a memoir, start a side hustle, and master sourdough, are you even living?

FULL-ASS 2 (MR. HUSTLE):
You want balance? I schedule my crying sessions. You want peace? Achieve Inbox Zero, then talk to me about peace.

(Applause from a crowd of exhausted overachievers. Someone claps while holding a protein bar and a planner.)

ACT 2 – Team Half-Arse Responds

(Two slouchy speakers roll in on bean bags. One’s in pajama pants, the other wears a tiara and holds snacks.)

HALF-ARSE 1 (LUCY SNAX):
Hi. I got out of bed. You’re welcome.

HALF-ARSE 2 (THE DUDE):
We believe life isn’t about doing more. It’s about not dying while pretending you’re okay. I once left a Zoom meeting just to feel the breeze.

(The audience gasps. Leena wipes a tear.)

LUCY SNAX:
Sometimes you gotta flop, cry, snack, and then keep going. That’s still growth, baby. We call it: the Gentle Hustle.

ACT 3 – The Rebuttals

(Back to Team Full-Ass.)

PERFECTIONISTA:
Excuse me, but “snacking through life” is not a strategy.

MR. HUSTLE:
If you only give 50%, how do you expect maximum ROI?

(Lucy steps forward, crumbling a biscuit dramatically.)

LUCY SNAX:
You ever seen a toddler? They give 17% and still get applause. We’re just reclaiming our inner baby genius.

(The Dude chimes in with a ukulele riff that makes no sense but feels deeply healing.)

ACT 4 – The Self-Reflection Meltdown

(Suddenly the lights flicker. A giant mirror drops from the ceiling. Each team is forced to look at themselves.)

MR. HUSTLE (quietly):
I haven’t had a day off in six years. I... thought I was winning.

LUCY SNAX (looking into the mirror):
I may have ghosted my dentist for 3 years. But... I still smile sometimes.

(Soft music plays. Leena sips her tea meaningfully. The audience nods in collective existential crisis.)

ACT 5 – The Verdict

LEENA (walking center stage):
What if... we didn’t have to choose?
What if Full-Ass effort sometimes is beautiful? And Half-Arsing it most of the time is survival?
Maybe the real win is knowing which one you need today.

(She lifts the broken bell. The disco ball finally drops fully, revealing a banner: “DO YOUR BEST (OR DON’T).”)

CROWD (chanting softly):
One step is still a step...
Half-arse is still effort...
You are still enough...

(All contestants hug awkwardly. Lucy shares her snacks. The Dude sings a ukulele version of “Eye of the Tiger” reimagined as “Nap of the Walrus.”)

Final Narration – Leena

LEENA (to audience):
The question isn’t whether you should go Full-Ass or Half-Arse.
The real question is: Are you doing what matters to you... in a way you can live with?
Because last time I checked, burnout doesn’t come with a gold medal.
But boundaries? Boundaries feel like champagne in your soul.

(Lights dim as she curls up in a beanbag. Scene ends with a glitter puff from a deflated confetti cannon.)

Scene 4: The Award Show for Doing the Bare Minimum

A sparkly, slow-clap celebration of imperfect effort, half-completed tasks, and still showing up—even when you're completely done with everything.

Opening Narration – Leena Norms (as Host)

(Leena walks onto a mini Oscar-style stage covered in beige carpet. Glitter falls in slow, apologetic bursts. She's dressed in pajama bottoms and a blazer.)

LEENA:
Welcome to the most glamorous event of the year that barely happened.
It's time for the "Bare Minimum Brilliance Awards"—where mediocrity is not only accepted, it’s celebrated.
Tonight’s nominees may not have climbed Everest…
…but they responded to one email without crying. That’s our kind of hero.

(A trombone honks sarcastically from the wings. Applause is mild but warm.)

ACT 1 – Red Carpet Chaos

(A reporter in Crocs and a sparkly fanny pack interviews “celebrities” walking the beige carpet.)

REPORTER:
Here comes Jess, who remembered to water her plant last week…
JESS (holding a cactus):
It only needed water once a month. I did it... on day 45. Still counts.

REPORTER:
And here’s Rico, who scheduled a doctor’s appointment… and went to it.
RICO (holding a prescription bag):
They asked if I had any concerns. I said “life.” We bonded.

(Confetti poofs out of a broken air vent. Everyone nods supportively.)

ACT 2 – The Ceremony Begins

(Leena steps to the podium made of recycled Amazon boxes.)

LEENA:
Our first category: "Showing Up Even When You Didn’t Want To."
Nominees include:

• “Dragged Self to Zoom with Camera On”
• “Attended Friend’s Weird Poetry Reading”
• “Went Outside Just Once This Week”

(Drumroll from someone tapping a Tupperware lid.)

WINNER: “Attended Friend’s Weird Poetry Reading!”
(They shuffle up in a bathrobe and accept their award—a glittery sock on a stick.)

WINNER:
I had no idea what the poem was about… but I nodded a lot.
(crowd: "👏👏👏👏" gentle clapping intensifies*)

ACT 3 – The Half-Arsed Speeches

(Next up: the “Did a Thing, But Not All of It” award.)

LEENA:
Let’s celebrate partial victories:

• Wrote a grocery list… but didn’t shop.
• Folded laundry… left it on the stairs.
• Started a to-do list… added “make to-do list” just to cross it off.

WINNER: Folded Laundry… Left It on the Stairs!

(The winner is carried onstage by a Roomba.)

WINNER:
I intended to carry it up the stairs.
I did not.
And that’s okay.

(A balloon floats by that reads: “Effort Acknowledged.”)

ACT 4 – Intermission: Snack and Panic

(Audience takes a break for “snack and mild existential dread.” Snacks include hummus spoons and unpeeled bananas. A single accordion plays Lo-Fi beats.)

AUDIENCE MEMBER:
Is there an award for googling therapist but not calling them?

LEENA (from behind stage curtain):
Oh yes—Lifetime Achievement in Emotional Avoidance. You’re a finalist.

ACT 5 – The Grand Finale: “Barely Made It” Award

LEENA:
Our most prestigious award goes to someone who almost cancelled tonight, considered faking a stomach bug, but came anyway.
Because deep down, they knew—it was okay to show up imperfectly.
And honestly, that’s more human than anything else.

(Spotlight finds a bashful figure in mismatched socks. They walk up slowly. Everyone stands. A single kazoo plays a solemn tune.)

WINNER (tearful):
I didn’t finish my to-do list.
I didn’t even start it.
But I was kind to myself today.
And that has to count for something.

(The crowd rises. No cheering, just one long collective sigh of relief. Glitter gently falls again, finally landing where it was supposed to.)

Final Narration – Leena Norms

LEENA:
You don’t have to change the world today.
You don’t have to go viral, or be efficient, or be fabulous.
You just have to be gentle with yourself.
Sometimes life is hard, and your only achievement is surviving it without screaming in the cereal aisle.
And that’s more than enough.

(She walks offstage. Behind her, a projection appears: “YOU SHOWED UP. YOU WIN.”)

(Fade out with gentle ukulele chords and the sound of someone finally taking a deep breath.)

Scene 5: The Rest Revolution Parade

A joyful, rebellious celebration of naps, boundaries, stillness, and “just doing enough.” It’s a revolution in slow motion—and everyone’s invited.

Opening Narration – Leena Norms (from a floating armchair)

(Leena floats by on a giant beanbag hoisted by parade balloons shaped like tea mugs. She holds a bubble gun and a book titled “Maybe Later.”)

LEENA:
Some revolutions roar.
Ours... reclines.

Welcome to the Rest Revolution Parade, where doing less is an art form, burnout is booed off the stage, and saying "no" is an Olympic-level skill.

(Confetti slowly drifts down like it’s tired too.)

ACT 1 – The Floats of Liberation

(The street is lined with oversized floats drifting by at a snail’s pace.)

• Float 1: “NAP LIKE YOU MEAN IT”
  A massive bed with a cat DJ playing lo-fi beats. People nap openly under weighted blankets, occasionally raising signs like “Dreaming IS Doing.”
• Float 2: “THE BOUNDARY BUS”
  Covered in blinking “DO NOT DISTURB” signs. Riders blow bubbles at anyone who tries to guilt them. A kid on top yells: “MY TIME IS MY OWN!”
• Float 3: “THE SAY-NO SHIP”
  A pirate ship tossing “NO” flags into the crowd:
  “No, I don’t want to join your WhatsApp group.”
  “No, I’m not free tonight.”
  “No, I won’t apologize for resting.”

(The crowd cheers with a lazy wave of arms.)

ACT 2 – The Slogan Marchers

(Marchers carry protest-style signs but with anti-hustle slogans.)

• “RESTING IS PRODUCTIVE”
• “YOU CAN’T POUR FROM AN EMPTY MUG”
• “HALF-ARSE FOR WHOLE-HEART!”
• “NOT TODAY, CAPITALISM”

(One marcher wears a sash reading “Queen of Cancelled Plans.” Another throws tiny pillows into the audience.)

MC (over loudspeaker):
Please give it up for this year’s grand marshals:
The Ghosters of Sunday Emails and the League of Midnight Bath Takers!

ACT 3 – Street Performances: The Gentle Art of Opting Out

(A series of slow-motion interpretive dances. One person naps under a tree labeled “Do Not Engage.” Another performs the sacred act of deleting Slack off their phone.)

PERFORMER (quietly):
This dance is called “Logged Off.”
(Lies flat. Audience weeps.)

(One group re-enacts “The Last Supper” but it’s just a picnic with friends cancelling one by one and still having a good time.)

ACT 4 – The Sacred Quiet Zone

(A roped-off sanctuary in the middle of the parade route. There are hammocks, tea, and someone playing soft acoustic guitar. No one speaks above a whisper.)

WHISPERER:
The world is loud.
You don’t have to match it.

(A kid turns off a smartphone and sets it down like a ritual offering. The crowd gasps in silent reverence.)

ACT 5 – The Grand Finale: You Are Enough Fireworks

(The sky begins to darken. A single voice from the parade stage sings a lullaby, joined by others in harmony. On the horizon, fireworks begin—slow, sparkly, and deliberate.)

They spell out:

“FEEL GOOD ENOUGH.”
“YOU’RE STILL WORTHY.”
“BURNOUT ISN’T A BADGE.”
“HALF-ARSE FOR LIFE.”

(The final burst explodes in slow-motion across the sky:)
“REST IS RADICAL.”

Final Narration – Leena Norms

(Leena reclines on a float shaped like a human brain wrapped in a blanket.)

LEENA:
You don’t have to do more.
You don’t need to chase someone else's version of enough.
Sometimes, the most radical act of resistance is being okay with where you are.
Let the world spin.
You?
You can nap.
You’ve earned it.

(Fade out to soft instrumental music, a long contented sigh, and the sound of a kettle whistling far away.)

Final Thoughts by Leena Norms

Leena Norms’ Half-Arse Human ends with a truth we often forget: you were already enough before you overcommitted, burned out, or bought that productivity app. Maybe you don’t need a complete overhaul—just a little more gentleness, a little less hustle, and a lot more soft pillows.

Let this show remind you: it’s not just okay to do less—it’s radical. The real revolution doesn’t look like 5 a.m. workouts and inbox zero. It looks like a long bath, a quiet walk, and a slow, satisfied exhale.

Half-Arse Human isn’t the end of ambition—it’s the beginning of balance.

Short Bios:

Leena Norms:
British author, YouTuber, and cultural commentator, Leena is known for her witty insights into burnout, hustle culture, and how to live meaningfully without doing it all. Her book Half-Arse Human encourages us to embrace imperfection and live better by doing less—but with heart.

Alex (The Former Overachiever):
Once a gold-star chaser with six planners and three side hustles, Alex now questions why their to-do list feels like a horror movie. The embodiment of burnout turned curious realist.

Jess (The Chill Maximalist):
Wears glitter and bathrobes simultaneously. Loves naps, hates pressure. Jess lives by the philosophy: “Why stand when you can lean?” but still somehow makes magic happen—half-dressed, half-arsed, and full of joy.

Theo (The Corporate Gladiator):
Talks in bullet points, thinks in KPIs. Still wearing a Bluetooth headset from 2014. Theo begins as a caricature of the productivity cult and ends up embracing... toast.

Rani (The Multitask Meltdown Queen):
Juggler of toddlers, tech, and tea. Always "almost done" but never not exhausted. Finds catharsis in finally saying, “No, thanks.”

Narrator/Host – The Voice of Inner Sass:
A dry, unseen narrator who guides the story with meta-commentary, sarcastic observations, and occasional dance numbers. Possibly Leena’s inner monologue in disguise.