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Introduction by Kim Jong-un
Spotlight. A vast hall in Pyongyang. Kim Jong-un steps forward, dressed in his usual black suit, but wearing an expression halfway between stern and mischievous. A translator stands nearby, but Kim waves him off, speaking directly in English with surprising clarity.
Welcome, comedians. You are very brave… or very foolish. Either way, I respect it.
You are now in the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea — the happiest country on Earth. Do not Google that.
Tonight, you will visit our monuments, our stadiums, our mountains, even our silence. Some of you will sweat. Some of you will choke on kimchi. Most of you will offend me.
But here is my secret: I like jokes. Yes, it is true. Even dictators laugh. Usually at other people’s expense. Sometimes at Dennis Rodman.
Kevin Hart — I have seen your movies. Very loud. My soldiers thought you were shouting military orders.
Ali Wong — I admire your fearlessness. But please, no Costco jokes here. We don’t have Costco. We have… less-co.
Bill Burr — careful. If you rant too hard, I might give you your own statue. Bronze. Angry face. Very intimidating.
You see, power is heavy. But laughter… laughter is light. And sometimes, even I need to feel light. So, entertain me. Entertain my people. Entertain yourselves.
And remember: in North Korea, the punchline is never on me… unless I say so. Then you laugh. Understood? Good.
Let the tour begin.
(Note: This is an imaginary conversation, a creative exploration of an idea, and not a real speech or event)
Scene 1: Pyongyang Metro
Setting: The comedians descend into the Pyongyang Metro, one of the world’s deepest subway systems. Chandeliers glitter above murals of leaders. A North Korean tour guide, Mr. Pak, joins them — reserved, formal, but occasionally lets slip wry humor that catches everyone off guard. Soldiers stand nearby, stone-faced, as the escalator hums downward seemingly forever.
Kevin Hart (gripping the handrail): Yo, why is this escalator longer than my mama’s grocery list? We been riding ten minutes — did we accidentally book tickets to Jurassic Park?
Kang Ho-dong (chest out, booming): Kevin, this nothing! In Korea, we call this warm-up! You want me to carry you piggyback?
Kevin Hart: Man, if you even try to pick me up, I’mma scream like I saw a dinosaur down here. And don’t think I won’t!
The group laughs, but soldiers glance over, silencing them for a beat. Then Mr. Pak, the tour guide, clears his throat.
Mr. Pak (calmly): This escalator is 110 meters deep. Very safe. Also, very romantic. Many first dates happen here. If you survive the ride down, marriage will be easy.
Ali Wong (snorting): Romantic? If my husband brought me here on our first date, I’d marry the escalator instead. At least it moves consistently.
Jang Do-yeon (deadpan): In North Korea, romance is measured in patience. Clearly, Ali, you would fail.
Even the soldiers try not to laugh. The group finally reaches the platform. It looks more like a palace hall than a subway station — marble floors, chandeliers, murals of heroic workers shining under spotlights.
Dave Chappelle (surveying the grandeur): Man… this ain’t no subway. This is a James Bond lair. Somewhere in here, Dr. Evil is writing propaganda on a chalkboard.
Yoo Jae-suk (gesturing around with MC flair): But see, Dave, no graffiti, no chewing gum, no street musicians. In Seoul, subway is noisy chaos. Here? It’s like funeral home with chandeliers.
Kevin Hart (pointing to the mural of a leader smiling): And who’s this uncle staring at me like I stole something? Why his eyes follow me? I swear, if he blinks, I’m out.
Mr. Pak (stone-faced, then wry): He is watching you. He wonders why your head is so small compared to your body.
Kevin Hart (shrieking): Hold up, even the guide roasting me now? Y’all trying to get me in trouble with Kim Jong-un!
The train arrives, spotless, eerily silent. Doors slide open with a hiss.
Chappelle: This train so clean, I feel like I gotta take my shoes off. In New York, you don’t even sit down — you hover like a magician.
Ali Wong: In San Francisco, you can find a whole family of raccoons on the BART. Here, I’m scared even to sneeze.
Mr. Pak (nodding seriously): Very good. Here, raccoons take train on time. Never late.
Yoo Jae-suk (laughing): Even the animals are more disciplined than us.
Jang Do-yeon: If we laugh too loudly, they might think we’re plotting a revolution.
Kevin Hart (wiping sweat): Revolution? Lady, I’m plotting my escape route! I’m sweating harder than my Netflix reviews.
The train starts moving — smooth, silent, only the faint rumble of steel on steel. Chandeliers sway slightly overhead.
Kang Ho-dong (announcing like a variety MC): Welcome aboard the Pyongyang Express! Next stop: no WiFi, no TikTok, forever!
Everyone cracks up, trying to stifle it as soldiers glance over again.
Chappelle (whispering): This the quietest ride of my life. You know what that silence is? That’s the punchline.
Mr. Pak (unexpectedly smiling): Silence is best comedy. In North Korea, audience never heckles. Because there is no audience.
Ali Wong (grinning): Damn, that’s dark. You sure you’re not secretly a stand-up, Mr. Pak?
Mr. Pak: If I were, I would already be… underground.
The group bursts into stifled laughter, the chandeliers flickering above them like they’re in on the joke. The train glides deeper into the tunnels, carrying them toward the next “attraction.”
Scene 2: Mansudae Grand Monuments
Setting: The comedians arrive at the Mansudae Grand Monuments — two towering bronze statues of Kim Il-sung and Kim Jong-il, flanked by revolutionary sculptures. Local guides bow solemnly before the statues. The comedians, unsure what to do, shuffle awkwardly in the massive square, dwarfed by the imposing bronze figures.
John Mulaney (whispering as he stares up): Oh my God, it’s like someone ordered “Mount Rushmore” on Amazon Prime and accidentally clicked “extra large.”
Hasan Minhaj (looking serious but smirking): Except here, if you don’t bow, it’s not two-day shipping you lose. It’s… you.
Jim Gaffigan (squinting, in his signature whisper voice): They’re so big. I feel like they can see me thinking about snacks. Do you think these statues judge me for eating too much?
Yoo Se-yoon (tilting his head, playful): Don’t worry, Jim. They only judge if you don’t eat enough. Here, appetite is loyalty.
Kim Jun-ho (slapstick, pretending to bow too low and struggling to get up): Aigoo, I think I pulled my back trying to show respect. Does North Korea have chiropractor monuments too?
The group stifles laughter as nearby soldiers glance over. Mr. Pak, hands folded behind his back, speaks in his calm guide voice.
Mr. Pak: Please, you must bow once. It shows respect to our leaders. Don’t worry, cameras only record angle of your bow. Not your soul.
Park Na-rae (mock-serious, adjusting her bow): Angle is important? Like yoga class? This one is called “Downward Dictator.”
The group explodes in suppressed laughter. Mr. Pak hides a small smirk, quickly turning it into a cough.
They line up and bow politely. Afterwards, they shuffle to the side where enormous bronze reliefs depict soldiers charging forward, workers lifting tools, mothers holding babies like heroic banners.
Hasan Minhaj: Look at this — the guy holding the hammer is like, “I’m ready to build the future!” Meanwhile in America, a guy holding a hammer is just… a home renovation show host.
John Mulaney: Or my dad yelling at me for holding it wrong.
Jim Gaffigan: I like the mother holding the baby like a weapon. “Charge! Don’t forget the diapers!”
Yoo Se-yoon (nodding dramatically): That’s not a baby. That’s future propaganda in training.
Kim Jun-ho (pretending to cradle an invisible baby and salute): “Cry louder, comrade! The revolution can’t hear you!”
They walk closer to the massive bronze figures. A flower wreath rests at the base. Mr. Pak gestures with quiet reverence.
Mr. Pak: This is where every visitor brings flowers. Very symbolic. Even our comedians back home… sometimes make joke here.
Park Na-rae (grinning): What kind of joke?
Mr. Pak (pauses, lowers voice): Once, comedian said, “Statues so big, even their shadows need bodyguards.” He did not perform again.
The group bursts out laughing nervously, some covering their mouths. Mr. Pak allows himself a sly smile.
Hasan Minhaj: You know, in the U.S. we debate statues all the time. Take them down, leave them up. Here, the debate is just: “Yes.”
John Mulaney: Honestly, if Chicago had statues this big, people would use them as Airbnb rentals. “Spacious bronze studio, excellent sunlight, great views of propaganda.”
Jim Gaffigan: Does anyone else feel like we’re in a theme park, but instead of Mickey Mouse, it’s eternal surveillance?
Yoo Se-yoon (breaking into a song-like voice): It’s a small world after all… but a very big dictator.
Kim Jun-ho (pretending to take a selfie with the statues, whispering): Say “cheese!” …No? Okay, say “Kimchi!”
The soldiers glance sharply. Mr. Pak quickly interjects in his calm tone.
Mr. Pak: Photos are allowed. Just… make sure statues are in whole frame. If you cut off the head, maybe later they cut off yours.
The comedians freeze, then burst into nervous laughter. Mr. Pak finally chuckles openly — his first real laugh, though subdued.
The group walks to the far end of the plaza, the statues towering above them in the evening sun. The shadows stretch across the marble like massive sentinels.
Hasan Minhaj (looking thoughtful): You know what’s wild? These statues are supposed to make you feel small. But standing here with you all, making jokes, I actually feel taller.
John Mulaney: Yeah. Like a weird summer camp, except instead of singing around a fire, we’re laughing under dictatorship.
Jim Gaffigan: And instead of s’mores, it’s… fear. Fear is the snack here.
Park Na-rae: Don’t worry, Jim. If fear had calories, I would be very full right now.
Yoo Se-yoon (pointing to the statues, mock-philosophical): Maybe laughter itself is bigger than bronze.
Kim Jun-ho: Or maybe bronze just can’t do slapstick.
The group cracks up again, their laughter bouncing off the enormous plaza. Even Mr. Pak shakes his head with a small smile, as if realizing for the first time in years that humor can breathe even here.
Scene closes with the comedians filing back toward the bus. Behind them, the statues stand motionless, but the sound of laughter lingers in the air — tiny, defiant, human.
Scene 3: Mass Games at Rungrado May Day Stadium
Setting: The group enters the enormous Rungrado May Day Stadium in Pyongyang, the world’s largest stadium. Tonight, 100,000 synchronized performers fill the field, flipping colored cards to create living murals, while dancers, gymnasts, and children march in perfect rhythm. The comedians sit in a VIP section, struggling to keep straight faces as the spectacle unfolds.
Kevin Hart (eyes bulging): Yo, hold up — did I just see ten thousand kids flip cards at the same time? Man, I can’t even get my kids to put Legos back in the box!
Kang Ho-dong (slapping his thigh, booming laugh): HA! Kevin, here even Legos obey government.
Bill Burr (arms crossed, scowling at the spectacle): Look at this. One hundred thousand people moving like robots. And we can’t even get five guys in Boston to shovel the sidewalk at the same time.
Chris Rock (grinning, pointing to the field): Man, this is insane. If America tried this, half the crowd would sue for back problems, the other half would leave early for Starbucks.
Kim Young-chul (mock announcer voice): “Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome synchronized capitalism! Each dancer holding… one credit card bill!”
Lee Kyung-kyu (shaking his head, dry humor): And still late with payment.
The performers flip cards, forming a gigantic mural of smiling workers harvesting rice. The crowd erupts in orchestrated cheers.
Kevin Hart (shaking his head): Nah, man. No way this is real. If I tried to coordinate 100,000 people, I’d be yelling “Left foot! Left foot!” while half the crowd moonwalks.
Bill Burr: That’s because free people don’t march like ants, Kevin. This ain’t a show, this is a warning sign. You see that mural? That’s not rice, that’s propaganda carbs.
Chris Rock: Burr, relax. You gotta admit — it’s impressive. They got kids flipping cards like Vegas blackjack dealers on steroids.
Kim Young-chul: True. In Vegas, you lose money. Here, you lose… sense of individuality.
The soldiers standing near glance over, but Mr. Pak lifts a hand as if to reassure them. Then he leans slightly toward the group.
Mr. Pak (dry, almost whispering): Honestly… we practice twelve hours a day for this. But sometimes… one person sneezes, whole picture ruined. That’s true comedy.
Kevin Hart (falling over laughing): Wait wait wait — you telling me North Korea’s deadliest weapon is one kid with allergies? Oh man, that’s gold.
The performers shift again, now forming a giant image of doves and fireworks. Firecrackers boom, the synchronized dancers leap into the air.
Kang Ho-dong (standing up, clapping like a sports announcer): WAHHH! Look at that jump! Even I cannot jump so high after ten bowls of bibimbap!
Chris Rock: You eat ten bowls, you ain’t jumping. You rolling down the stadium stairs.
Lee Kyung-kyu (pretending to take notes): Good idea for new variety show. “Rolling with Ho-dong.”
Bill Burr (shaking his head): You people are nuts. Look, I get it — discipline, unity, whatever. But c’mon. These poor kids should be out eating ice cream, not spelling out “Glory Forever” with their bodies.
Kim Young-chul: Bill, in Korea, parents also make kids practice. Piano, math, taekwondo… maybe propaganda is just another after-school activity.
Kevin Hart: Yeah but where’s the snack break? Ain’t no Rice Krispies in this revolution.
The stadium lights dim. A spotlight reveals a tiny girl walking to the center, holding a glowing torch. The entire crowd hushes. She kneels, lifting the flame toward the mural of the leaders. The scene is meant to inspire awe.
Chris Rock (whispering): Oh hell no. You see that? That little girl just raised the Olympic flame… for dictatorship!
Bill Burr: Yeah. Give her ten years, she’s raising the flame just to find food.
Kevin Hart (pretending to narrate): “Welcome to the Hunger Games: North Korea Edition. May the rice odds be ever in your favor.”
Kang Ho-dong (tears streaming, but from laughing): HAHAHAHA, Kevin, stop! They will arrest us all!
The soldiers shift uncomfortably, but Mr. Pak interjects, his voice even, calm.
Mr. Pak: Torch symbolizes eternal light. But sometimes, in rehearsal, torch… goes out. Audience still claps. No one dares notice.
Kim Young-chul (grinning): That’s not eternal light. That’s eternal improv.
The show ends with 100,000 people forming a massive North Korean flag, while fireworks explode overhead. The stadium roars with choreographed cheers. The comedians clap awkwardly, still trying to process what they just saw.
Kevin Hart: Man, I ain’t never seen nothing like this. My shows sell out arenas, but this? This is like Beyoncé halftime show — if Beyoncé was… a government.
Chris Rock: You right. This ain’t entertainment. This is intimidation.
Bill Burr: Exactly. It’s not “wow,” it’s “yes, sir.”
Kang Ho-dong: But admit it, it was beautiful. Discipline, power, harmony.
Lee Kyung-kyu (nodding): True. But also… if harmony too perfect, no music. Just noise.
The group falls into thoughtful silence. Fireworks crackle above, their faces lit in bursts of red and gold. Finally, Mr. Pak speaks, his voice softer than before.
Mr. Pak: Maybe one day, our children will dance for joy, not just duty. Until then… at least we can laugh together.
The comedians exchange glances — surprised by his honesty, touched. Then Kevin Hart breaks the silence.
Kevin Hart: Bro, if your kids ever start a dance crew, sign me up. But only if snacks are included.
Laughter erupts again, echoing through the massive stadium, small and human against the thunder of fireworks.
Scene ends with the comedians filing out of the stadium, their laughter mingling with the distant cheers of the crowd. For the first time, even Mr. Pak looks like he’s walking a little lighter.
Scene 4: Kumsusan Palace of the Sun
Setting: The comedians approach the Kumsusan Palace of the Sun, a marble fortress of silence. Guards in immaculate uniforms line the path. The group is instructed to walk in strict formation, hands at their sides, no laughter, no whispering. Inside, cold air and bright white lights create an atmosphere like a giant museum crossed with a funeral home. Mr. Pak, the tour guide, grows more serious but stays close, his eyes hinting at humor he dares not voice too loudly.
Dave Chappelle (whispering to Ali Wong as they enter the first hall): Man, this feels like a cross between a church and a wax museum. Except the wax is… real.
Ali Wong (nodding, keeping a straight face): Yeah, it’s like Madame Tussauds, but the tickets are fear.
Nate Bargatze (deadpan, staring at the immaculate marble): I don’t even want to breathe here. I feel like if I sneeze, I’ll start an international incident.
Tiffany Haddish (looking around nervously): Girl, this ain’t the kind of place you crack jokes. But at the same time… I need to crack jokes. My mouth is sweating.
Jang Do-yeon (straight-faced, almost whispering): Just imagine you are already dead. It helps.
The group stifles laughter, covering their mouths as guards glance over. Mr. Pak walks beside them, speaking softly, measured.
Mr. Pak: Please… remember to bow three times. First, when you enter. Second, at the body. Third, when you leave. Timing is important. Like comedy.
Chappelle (grinning slightly): Timing, huh? Guess I better not bomb this set.
They move through long corridors, past exhibits of cars, clothes, and medals once belonging to the leaders. Everything gleams under spotlights.
Ali Wong (looking at Kim Jong-il’s parka on display): That’s the jacket? Really? He ruled a country in this? Looks like something my uncle wears to Costco.
Tiffany Haddish: Girl, he probably wore that jacket to flex! Like, “Yes, I starve my people, but I stay warm.”
Mr. Pak (tone dry, betraying a faint smile): It is called “fashion of revolution.” Not sold in Costco. Sold in eternity.
Jang Do-yeon (nodding solemnly): Eternity… very expensive. No refunds.
The group holds in laughter again, shoulders shaking slightly as they shuffle forward with the solemn crowd.
Finally, they enter the grand chamber. The embalmed body of Kim Il-sung lies in a glass coffin, glowing under red lights. Guards stand motionless. The group is ushered forward in strict formation.
Nate Bargatze (whispering nervously): Is it bad if I think he looks like he’s just napping?
Chappelle (whispering back): Nah, man. That’s not a nap. That’s permanent overtime.
Tiffany Haddish (staring at the body): Oh Lord. He look like he’s waiting for a makeup artist. Somebody get him some blush, he pale.
Ali Wong (hissing): Tiffany! Shhh!
They bow once, twice, three times, suppressing their natural urge to make noise. After leaving the chamber, they exhale in relief like schoolkids sneaking past a principal’s office.
Chappelle: That was… wild. I ain’t never bowed to a dead man before. Felt like I was auditioning for a part in my own funeral.
Ali Wong: I couldn’t stop thinking — what if my kids see me bowing on camera? They’re gonna be like, “Mom, you joined a cult?”
Nate Bargatze: Honestly, I bowed too fast. I think I looked like I was bobbing for apples.
Jang Do-yeon (dry): Don’t worry. If you disrespected him, you will find out later.
Tiffany Haddish (snapping her fingers): Oh no, I know I bowed wrong! I did a little hip sway. That’s just how I move! If they kick me out, y’all better come visit me in whatever North Korean prison they send me to.
The group walks into another chamber with the body of Kim Jong-il. Once again, silence presses down. They bow quickly, and when they leave, the tension breaks like a dam.
Chappelle: Man, why both of them look like they in the world’s longest nap contest?
Ali Wong: Yeah, like Snow White, but instead of waiting for a prince, they’re waiting for… communism 2.0.
Tiffany Haddish: Shoot, if I looked that good after death, put me in a glass box too. Charge admission.
Nate Bargatze (serious, deadpan): But Tiffany, nobody’s gonna pay to see you nap.
Tiffany Haddish (pretending to slap him): Boy, shut up before I haunt you!
Even Mr. Pak chuckles, quickly catching himself and adjusting his glasses.
They move back outside into the daylight. The enormous marble building gleams behind them, still and imposing. The comedians stop for a moment at the steps, reflecting.
Chappelle: You know what’s crazy? They built all this for two dead guys. Meanwhile, back home, we can’t even get decent healthcare for the living.
Ali Wong: True. Like, America’s motto should be: “We’ll pave the way for your death, but not for your daycare.”
Nate Bargatze: Or your dental. My dentist costs more than this palace.
Tiffany Haddish: You ain’t lying. I’d rather get embalmed than pay for another root canal.
Jang Do-yeon (softly, looking back at the palace): In Korea, we bow to the past. But maybe one day, we will bow to the future.
Mr. Pak (nodding slowly, a rare softness in his tone): Future… only comes if people survive the present. Sometimes laughter helps.
The comedians fall silent for a moment, struck by the weight of his words. Then Tiffany breaks the silence.
Tiffany Haddish: Okay, but real talk — when we bow, do we burn calories? ‘Cause if so, I’mma bow my way to a six-pack.
Everyone bursts out laughing, their voices echoing across the marble courtyard. Even the nearby soldiers relax slightly, as if they, too, wanted to laugh.
Scene ends with the comedians boarding their bus, glancing back one last time at the palace, carrying with them a mix of unease, absurdity, and the strange power of laughter in the most silent of places.
Scene 5: The DMZ
Setting: The comedians arrive at the Demilitarized Zone, the tense border separating North and South Korea. Concrete bunkers loom, blue UN huts straddle the line, and armed soldiers stand motionless, staring across at each other. The atmosphere is electric — part history, part absurd theatre. Mr. Pak leads the group toward the line, his voice low but steady.
Hasan Minhaj (looking around in awe): Man, this is wild. The most militarized border in the world. Two countries, one people… and it looks like a staring contest.
Bill Burr (squinting at the soldiers): Yeah, except nobody blinks. In Boston, you stare at someone this long, you either fight or you buy ‘em a beer.
Ali Wong (pointing to the blue huts): Those buildings look like Smurf houses with PTSD.
Yoo Jae-suk (chuckling nervously): Smurf houses? Careful, Ali. The soldiers don’t like cartoons.
Kim Jun-ho (mimicking a soldier, stiff as a board): “Attention! No laughter allowed across the border!”
Yoo Se-yoon (joining in, surreal): Yes, but if you laugh loud enough, maybe South Korea will hear. Echo diplomacy.
The group edges closer to the line, where a strip of concrete marks the divide. Soldiers on both sides remain stone-faced.
Hasan Minhaj: You know, back in the U.S., borders are full of arguments about immigration. But here? Nobody even tries to cross. That’s how you know it’s serious.
Bill Burr: Damn right. They got more landmines here than Dunkin’ Donuts has Boston Creams.
Ali Wong: My kids would look at this and go, “Mom, is this like sibling rivalry?” Yeah — if sibling rivalry came with tanks.
Mr. Pak (softly, deadpan): Rivalry, yes. But here, sibling never borrows clothes. Just… freedom.
The group freezes, then bursts into nervous laughter at his sly jab. Even Mr. Pak hides a small grin.
They step into one of the blue conference huts where half the table is in North Korea, the other half in South Korea. A single microphone runs down the middle.
Yoo Jae-suk (gesturing at the mic): Look, one microphone. Perfect symbol. Both sides get to talk, but no one listens.
Kim Jun-ho (sitting on the South side of the table, shouting across): “Hello freedom! Can you hear me?”
Bill Burr: You sound like my wife yelling from the other room. Same results too — no response.
Hasan Minhaj: If peace talks were comedians, they’d just roast each other until someone surrendered.
Ali Wong (leaning in, smirking): Or until someone cried. Which honestly… is how my marriage works.
Yoo Se-yoon (pretending to whisper to the microphone): “Attention South Korea: We have kimchi. Please send Netflix password.”
The group laughs, soldiers remain stone-faced. Mr. Pak tilts his head, his tone perfectly dry.
Mr. Pak: Careful. Netflix password is more sensitive than nuclear code.
Outside, they stand on the concrete slab marking the exact border. Half the comedians jump back and forth across the line like kids on a playground.
Ali Wong: Oh my God, look! I’m in the South… now I’m in the North! Boom! Instant cardio workout.
Bill Burr (shaking his head): Yeah, real funny till someone steps on the wrong patch of grass and the world ends.
Hasan Minhaj: Honestly though, this is insane. Two nations divided by ideology… and concrete. If this were America, they’d have already built a Starbucks right here.
Kim Jun-ho: And karaoke bar. Soldiers need song too.
Yoo Jae-suk: Imagine North and South playing karaoke battle. Winner gets unification.
Yoo Se-yoon (singing in a surreal falsetto): “We are family… even though separated by DMZ!”
Everyone cracks up. Even one of the South Korean soldiers across the line seems to fight back a smile.
The group walks along the border fence, looking out at the barren strip of land between the countries — eerily quiet, filled with birdsong instead of humans.
Hasan Minhaj: You know what’s ironic? This no-man’s land is one of the most peaceful places on Earth. No people, just birds. Nature doesn’t care about politics.
Ali Wong: Yeah, the birds are probably like, “These idiots. We just fly over.”
Bill Burr: That’s the truth. Borders don’t exist to birds. To humans, they’re the biggest excuse to kill each other.
Kim Jun-ho: Unless the bird poops on soldier. Then… new war.
Yoo Jae-suk (MC voice): Breaking news! War begins with pigeon attack!
Yoo Se-yoon: Yes. History book says: “Peace lasted until bird had bad digestion.”
They stop at an observation deck, looking through binoculars into South Korea. The skyline of Seoul is faintly visible in the distance.
Hasan Minhaj (quietly): That’s the thing. You can see the future right there… but you can’t touch it.
Ali Wong: It’s like when you’re on a diet and someone waves cake in your face.
Bill Burr: Or like being married — always close, but never quite there.
Mr. Pak (leaning on the railing, voice low but sharp with irony): I look too, sometimes. From here, South Korea looks small. But in people’s minds… it is very large.
The group falls silent for a moment, struck by his honesty. Then Ali breaks the tension.
Ali Wong: Okay, but seriously… if I wave from here, do you think my Korean cousins can see me?
Yoo Jae-suk: No, Ali. But if you yell about childcare, every mother in Seoul will hear you.
Everyone bursts into laughter again, echoing across the tense border.
Scene ends with the comedians leaving the DMZ, their laughter trailing into the heavy silence of the place. Mr. Pak lingers at the railing for a moment longer, gazing toward the South with a flicker of longing, before following them back to the bus.
Scene 6: Mount Paektu
Setting: The comedians arrive at Mount Paektu, the sacred volcano on the border of North Korea and China. Mist curls around the crater lake, said to be the birthplace of Korea’s spirit. The air is thinner, colder, filled with legend. The comedians huddle in coats, looking out over the sweeping view. Mr. Pak, usually dry and reserved, seems a little softer, as though the mountain gives him permission to breathe more freely.
John Mulaney (squinting at the crater lake): Wow. This is beautiful. But also… it feels like the opening shot of every horror movie. “Six comedians climb a mystical volcano… never to return.”
Chris Rock (pointing at the mist): Man, this looks like the background on a Windows computer. Except if you click the wrong icon, you disappear.
Jim Gaffigan (pulling his jacket tight): It’s freezing! Nobody told me North Korea came with built-in air conditioning. I knew I should’ve packed more Hot Pockets.
Kang Ho-dong (thumping his chest): Cold? This is nothing! Mountain air makes body strong. Look at me! (He flexes ridiculously and almost slips on the icy rock.)
Park Na-rae (snickering): Careful, Ho-dong. If you fall in, crater becomes hot pot.
Shin Dong-yup (smirking): Then dinner is served. Special of the day: roasted comedian.
The group laughs, their breath steaming in the cold. Mr. Pak steps forward, gazing at the crater lake with unusual intensity.
Mr. Pak: This mountain… is where our nation says it was born. Leaders tell us, “Here is the bloodline of Korea.” Children learn to bow to the mountain itself.
Chris Rock (raising an eyebrow): Hold up — y’all bow to a volcano? Man, that’s like praying to a smoke alarm.
Mulaney: Or like, “Dear mountain, please don’t explode today, we have enough problems.”
Jim Gaffigan: I bow to pizza sometimes. It’s basically the same.
Mr. Pak (glancing at Jim, dry but amused): At least pizza does not erupt.
They begin walking along a narrow path, the mist curling around them. The atmosphere grows hushed, reverent. Even the comedians lower their voices.
Park Na-rae (quietly): You know, my grandmother once said Mount Paektu holds the spirit of all Koreans. If true… we are standing on our own ancestors.
Shin Dong-yup (leaning in): My ancestors are probably shaking their heads. “Why is our grandson telling dirty jokes at sacred mountain?”
Chris Rock: My ancestors would be like, “At least he made it out of Brooklyn. That’s a miracle too.”
Mulaney: Mine would just ask if I brought a jacket. Which, to be fair, I should’ve.
The group pauses at a viewpoint where the entire crater lake glows under a break in the clouds. For a moment, the jokes fade as they just look.
Jim Gaffigan (softly): You ever notice that nature doesn’t care about politics? This mountain doesn’t know who runs North Korea. It just… is.
Chris Rock: Yeah, man. This volcano’s been here longer than all of us, longer than all these dictators. It’s the ultimate headliner.
Mulaney: Except it’s been doing the same set for a thousand years. Still… pretty good closer.
The comedians chuckle gently. Mr. Pak finally speaks again, his voice quieter than usual, almost confessional.
Mr. Pak: My father… he once brought me here when I was small. He told me, “Son, remember this mountain. It will outlive us. But maybe, if we laugh, we can outlive our fear.”
The group falls silent. This is the most personal thing they’ve ever heard him say. The mist curls around them, like the mountain itself is listening.
Park Na-rae (touching his arm gently): That’s beautiful, Mr. Pak. Did your father… laugh much?
Mr. Pak (a faint smile): Not often. But when he did, it was like thunder. Like the mountain itself.
Shin Dong-yup (soft chuckle): Then maybe today, you are laughing for him.
Chris Rock (grinning, breaking the mood just enough): Well damn, if my dad told me that, I’d be like, “Cool speech, Pops. But can we get some WiFi up here?”
Mulaney: Yeah, imagine telling your kids, “Look, this mountain will outlive you. But also, don’t forget sunscreen.”
The group laughs again, the tension easing but the reverence still intact.
They sit on a rock ledge, sharing snacks from their bags. Jim Gaffigan pulls out a thermos and takes a sip.
Jim Gaffigan: Hot chocolate. The one true unifier of nations.
Kang Ho-dong (grabbing it and gulping): Yes! Chocolate diplomacy!
Park Na-rae: Careful. If leaders taste it, they’ll declare it sacred. “Mount Paektu Hot Chocolate Festival.”
Shin Dong-yup: And then we’ll all have to bow three times before drinking.
Chris Rock: I’d still drink it. Bow, sip, repeat. World peace through cocoa.
Everyone laughs, the sound echoing off the crater walls, carried across the lake by the mountain wind.
Mr. Pak (after a pause, looking at them warmly): You know… I have guided many tourists. They all take photos. But you… you make the mountain laugh. Maybe my father was right.
Mulaney: Well, we’ll take that as a compliment. Unless the mountain erupts tonight, then it’s on us.
Chris Rock: Yeah, imagine tomorrow’s headline: “World’s first comedy-induced volcanic eruption.”
Jim Gaffigan: At least it’ll be hot enough to cook pizza.
Park Na-rae: And boil noodles. A full buffet.
Shin Dong-yup: Unification through volcanic cuisine.
The group roars with laughter, mist swirling around them like smoke from an invisible fire. Even the soldiers nearby smile faintly, though they quickly hide it.
Scene ends with the comedians staring into the crater as the mist clears for a moment, revealing the lake’s deep blue glow. Their laughter lingers in the thin mountain air, mingling with the silence, as if Mount Paektu itself has joined the joke.
Scene 7: Arirang Festival Night Market
Setting: The night market blazes with lantern light, sizzling food, and bursts of fireworks overhead. The comedians weave through the crowded stalls, eating, joking, and performing for curious locals. For the first time, everyone — even Mr. Pak — is laughing openly. Soldiers linger at a distance, but they don’t stop the joy. The tension of the past days melts into something almost normal.
Kevin Hart (sniffing the smoky air): Yo, this right here? This smells like heaven and danger at the same time.
Ali Wong (holding a skewer of grilled squid): Kevin, stop being dramatic. It’s just squid. In San Francisco, they’d charge forty bucks for this and call it tapas.
Tiffany Haddish (grabbing pink cotton candy): Oh Lord! Look at this cotton candy! It’s bigger than my future husband’s ego.
Nate Bargatze (deadpan, eyeing Tiffany’s candy): Careful. That’s not cotton candy. That’s government surveillance disguised as sugar.
Kim Jun-hyun (pretending to talk into the cotton candy like a walkie-talkie): “Yes, Supreme Leader, the Americans approve of dessert.”
The group roars with laughter. Even the vendor hides a grin. Mr. Pak shakes his head, but he’s laughing too — not the small, hidden chuckle from before, but a real belly laugh.
They sit together at a long communal table piled with skewers, dumplings, and bowls of kimchi. Children run past, giggling, while fireworks crack overhead.
Yoo Jae-suk (holding a skewer like a microphone): Tonight’s special performance — Kevin Hart versus spicy kimchi!
Kevin Hart (taking a bite, then coughing violently): OH MY GOD. Why is my tongue on fire? Somebody get me a medic! Somebody get The Rock!
Jang Do-yeon (calmly sipping soup): Relax. It’s only medium spice. In Korea, this is what babies eat.
Ali Wong: That’s true. Spice is like therapy — it hurts, but it heals.
Mr. Pak (raising his cup of soju, voice clear and warm): In my country, laughter is dangerous. But tonight… it feels like medicine.
The comedians pause, touched. They raise their cups in a toast. Then Tiffany breaks the silence with a grin.
Tiffany Haddish: Baby, if laughter is medicine, then tonight we’re all overdosing.
The table explodes with laughter, their joy echoing through the night market.
Suddenly, the crowd stirs. Soldiers straighten. From the far end of the market, surrounded by a discreet entourage, Kim Jong-un himself walks toward the comedians. The air tightens with shock. But instead of anger, Kim wears a curious half-smile.
Kevin Hart (whispering): Oh no. Oh no no no. We dead. We dead.
Ali Wong (muttering): Shut up, Kevin. Don’t faint.
Kim stops at their table, surveying the comedians. Everyone falls silent. Even Mr. Pak looks frozen, his cup halfway to his lips.
Kim Jong-un (finally speaking, surprisingly casual): So… this is the famous laughter I’ve been hearing about. My generals told me it was dangerous. But… it sounds good.
He pulls up a chair and sits down. The comedians stare, unsure whether to laugh or hide under the table.
Kim Jong-un: Don’t worry. If I wanted you gone, you’d already be in the next Mass Games, juggling landmines. (pauses, then smirks) That’s a joke. You may laugh.
The comedians burst into nervous laughter. Tiffany fans herself with her cotton candy. Kevin exhales loudly.
Kim Jong-un (pointing to Kevin): You — the small loud one. You are funny. My soldiers said you almost cried at the kimchi. Very weak. But also… very entertaining.
Kevin Hart (laughing nervously): Yeah, uh… thanks? I’mma take that as a compliment, I think.
Kim Jong-un (turning to Ali): And you — the sharp one. You make fun of statues. Bold. In my country, statues don’t laugh. But maybe they should.
Ali Wong: Honestly? They could use a little Botox.
The crowd gasps — then Kim chuckles, shaking his head.
Kim Jong-un: You see, power is heavy. Statues, armies, mausoleums — all heavy. But laughter? Laughter is light. Even I… sometimes forget that.
He lifts a cup of soju, raising it toward the comedians and Mr. Pak.
Kim Jong-un: Tonight, you reminded me. So here are my final thoughts: keep laughing. Even in the darkest places, laughter is rebellion. And sometimes, rebellion… is necessary.
The comedians glance at one another, stunned. Mr. Pak looks at Kim with disbelief — then lets out another laugh, freer than ever. The fireworks boom above, showering the night in light.
Kim Jong-un (standing, with a mischievous grin): Now, enjoy the festival. And remember — if anyone asks, I was never here.
He turns, his entourage closing around him, and disappears back into the glowing market. The comedians erupt in relieved laughter, the sound rising with the fireworks as lanterns sway above them. For the first time, it feels like North Korea itself is laughing along.
Final scene closes with the comedians and locals together under the lanterns, Mr. Pak laughing loudly, and the memory of an unlikely dictator’s smirk lingering in the night.
Final Thoughts by Kim Jong-un
(after the night market, when Mr. Pak laughs freely, Kim reappears, unexpectedly warm)
“Well, well, well. I must admit, I did not expect this. Twenty comedians, one very nervous tour guide, and somehow… I laughed too. Not the polite laugh we use at banquets. A real laugh. The kind that sneaks up on you, like bad karaoke.
You see, power is heavy. Statues, mausoleums, armies — all heavy. But laughter? Laughter is light. And tonight, even I felt lighter.
Maybe that is your gift. You didn’t just make jokes. You made space. For a moment, even in the strictest place on Earth, we were free.
But don’t tell anyone I said that. I have a reputation to keep. Now go — before I change my mind and make you all perform at the Mass Games next year.
Short Bios:
U.S. Comedians
Dave Chappelle — Acclaimed American stand-up known for sharp social commentary and fearless humor, blending storytelling with cultural critique.
Kevin Hart — High-energy comedian and actor, famous for his animated delivery, physical comedy, and blockbuster films.
Ali Wong — American comedian, writer, and actress, celebrated for her bold stand-up specials on motherhood, relationships, and identity.
John Mulaney — Former “Saturday Night Live” writer turned stand-up star, beloved for his witty storytelling and clever punchlines.
Bill Burr — Boston-born comedian known for blunt, cynical humor and rants on society, politics, and everyday life.
Jim Gaffigan — Clean comedian with self-deprecating wit, often joking about food, family life, and ordinary struggles.
Hasan Minhaj — Comedian and storyteller blending politics, culture, and personal narratives, formerly host of Patriot Act.
Nate Bargatze — Tennessee-born comic known for his deadpan delivery, clean observational humor, and subtle timing.
Chris Rock — Legendary stand-up and actor, famed for sharp takes on race, relationships, and American culture.
Tiffany Haddish — Actress and comedian known for her breakout in Girls Trip, exuberant personality, and raw, honest comedy.
South Korean Comedians
Yoo Jae-suk — Dubbed the “Nation’s MC,” a variety show host and comedian celebrated for quick wit and kindness.
Kang Ho-dong — Former wrestler turned boisterous TV host, known for his loud energy and slapstick style.
Jang Do-yeon — One of Korea’s top female comedians, admired for her dry humor, quick comebacks, and variety show presence.
Kim Jun-ho — Veteran comic with decades on Gag Concert, expert in slapstick and situational humor.
Yoo Se-yoon — Eccentric comedian and MC, famous for quirky, offbeat sketches and musical comedy.
Park Na-rae — Comedienne and TV host, known for bold humor, charisma, and award-winning stand-up in Korea.
Kim Young-chul — Veteran comic, impressionist, and host, known for witty wordplay and lighthearted style.
Lee Kyung-kyu — Longtime comedian and MC, one of Korea’s most influential entertainment figures.
Kim Jun-hyun — Popular comedian with strong physical comedy, active in variety and game shows.
Shin Dong-yup — Legendary MC and comedian, admired for clever, sometimes risqué humor, with decades of hosting experience.
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