Ultimate 5-Day North Korea Adventure with Conan: Laugh & Learn

[Scene opens: A dramatic overhead shot of Pyongyang’s skyline, an eerie mix of monumental architecture, neon-lit buildings, and absolute silence on the streets below. The camera zooms in to a slightly confused but extremely excited Conan O’Brien, standing in the middle of Kim Il Sung Square, arms wide open like he just won an Emmy.]

Conan O’Brien (grinning at the camera):
"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the most bizarre, thrilling, and absolutely questionable trip of a lifetime—our five-day comedy-action-diplomatic-spy-thriller through North Korea!"

"Now, if you're watching this, you’re probably asking yourself: Conan… why? Why would you, a tall, pale, pasty Irish-American man, voluntarily step foot into one of the most secretive countries in the world?"

"And to that, I say—I have no idea. But somehow, Dennis Rodman convinced me, and now here I am, standing in a country where internet access is a myth, where the streets look like they were built for an epic military parade (but no one actually walks on them), and where my comedy might very well be considered a crime punishable by exile."

"But don’t worry! I’m not alone. Oh no, folks, I have brought with me the most chaotic, hilarious, and possibly least qualified group of adventurers in history."

[Cut to quick action-packed montage of the guest stars:

• Dennis Rodman spinning a basketball on his finger in front of the DMZ.
• Jack Black playing air guitar in front of a giant Kim Il Sung statue.
• Ryan Reynolds dramatically putting on sunglasses while stepping out of a Soviet-era limousine.
• Nicolas Cage frantically taking notes in an ancient North Korean library.
• Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson flexing in front of the West Sea Barrage.
• Bear Grylls drinking from a highly questionable natural spring while Pak Un-jong, the North Korean runner, stares in horror.
• Will Ferrell bowing inappropriately at the Mansudae Grand Monument while North Korean officials look deeply concerned.]

Conan O’Brien (back to camera, in full late-night monologue mode):
"In the next five days, we’re going to do things that NO ONE has ever done before. We’re going to eat mystery meat at 7 AM, we’re going to get just slightly too close to the South Korean border, we’re going to accidentally break into a secret North Korean museum, and if all goes well, we’re probably going to get a polite but firm invitation to leave the country."

"But most importantly, we’re going to laugh. Because let’s face it, the world is weird, and North Korea? It’s like an alternate reality—one that I’m about to poke at very carefully until someone tells me to stop."

"So sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride—because this is Conan O’Brien and Friends Take North Korea: The Adventure No One Asked For, But Everyone Needs."

[Cue dramatic music. The camera zooms out as Conan gestures toward the massive bronze statues of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il towering behind him. Jack Black is already trying to climb one. Dennis Rodman is shaking hands with a confused North Korean soldier. Will Ferrell is taking notes like he’s about to start a revolution. And somewhere in the distance, Mr. X is already regretting everything.]

Welcome to the most unexpected trip of all time.

(Note: This is an imaginary conversation, a creative exploration of an idea, and not a real speech or event.)

Day 1 – Arrival & Pyongyang Highlights

Featuring: Conan O’Brien, Jack Black, Kim Jong-min, Dennis Rodman, and Secret Tour Guide "Mr. X"

Scene 1: Arrival at Pyongyang Sunan International Airport

The gray, imposing structure of Pyongyang’s Sunan International Airport looms ahead, stark and functional, with a few red banners displaying Korean characters. The moment the airplane doors hiss open, a faint scent of jet fuel mixed with cool autumn air fills the cabin. The tarmac looks eerily empty, save for a few stern-looking officials in military uniforms.

As the gang steps onto North Korean soil, the silence is overwhelming. Then…

Jack Black (grinning): “Guys, I feel like we just walked into the world’s most serious escape room.”

Conan O’Brien (whispering): “Or an episode of ‘Black Mirror.’”

Before anyone can react, Dennis Rodman strides forward confidently, flashing a knowing grin at the approaching officials. A North Korean officer gives him a subtle nod before ushering the group towards a waiting car—a boxy, vintage black Mercedes that looks like it belongs in a Cold War spy film.

Scene 2: The Ride Through Pyongyang – “Fun Facts” with Mr. X

Inside the car, the leather seats creak as they settle in. Outside, the scenery feels frozen in time—massive propaganda murals of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il tower over the empty roads, while pedestrians march in perfect rhythm, as if choreographed. The absence of commercial billboards makes the city feel eerily uniform.

Mr. X, their mysterious tour guide, clears his throat.

Mr. X (smiling subtly): “Welcome to Pyongyang. Fun fact—did you know the entire city was designed so that at any point, you can see a statue of the Great Leader? It’s called ‘eternal guidance.’”

Conan O’Brien (nodding sagely): “That’s exactly how I designed my house. Every room has a portrait of me.”

The car hums quietly down the wide, pristine boulevards, heading toward the Kumsusan Palace of the Sun, the sacred mausoleum where the embalmed bodies of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il rest.

Scene 3: Kumsusan Palace of the Sun – The Unspoken Tension

As they step into the immaculate marble halls, the temperature drops noticeably. A faint floral scent lingers in the air, mingling with the almost sterile, museum-like atmosphere. North Koreans in black suits and solemn expressions shuffle in lines, bowing deeply before the glass-encased bodies of their past leaders.

Jack Black (whispering to Conan): “Dude. I feel like I’m in an episode of ‘The Twilight Zone.’”

Conan O’Brien (murmuring back): “Yeah, but if we make one wrong move, it turns into ‘Squid Game.’”

Suddenly, Dennis Rodman steps forward with a deep, practiced bow—his gold nose ring gleaming under the dim lights. A few murmurs ripple through the room. Even the security guards look momentarily stunned.

Kim Jong-min, looking nervous, follows suit, bowing so deeply he nearly topples over.

The group exits in silence, the weight of the experience lingering like an unseen force.

Scene 4: Mansudae Grand Monument – The Giant Statues

A cold gust of wind whips through the open square, carrying the distant scent of burning coal from the city’s heating systems. In front of them, the massive 22-meter-tall bronze statues of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il gleam under the gray sky.

Mr. X (nodding toward the statues): “Every visitor must bow. It’s mandatory.”

Conan O’Brien (adjusting his tie): “I’ll do it, but only if Jack Black sings a hymn while we do it.”

Jack Black immediately drops to one knee, clutching his chest like he’s about to belt out a rock ballad.

Jack Black (dramatic whisper): “O’ Great Leaders… you are larger than life, literally. Please do not smite us with your mighty bronze fists.”

Even the North Korean guards seem momentarily confused. Kim Jong-min looks like he’s about to pass out.

Rodman, ever the pro, bows deeply. The others follow, and the situation remains just under the threshold of international incident.

Scene 5: Pyongyang Duck BBQ – The First Real Meal

The sizzle of marinated duck fat hitting the grill fills the private dining room, the aroma thick with garlic and spice. A bottle of North Korean soju sits at the center, already half-empty thanks to Rodman.

Dennis Rodman (raising his glass): “To Conan, my new best friend. And to Kim—maybe he’ll swing by later.”

The group erupts in laughter—except Kim Jong-min, who is sweating profusely.

Conan O’Brien (mock serious): “Dennis, I don’t know if I should be honored or terrified.”

The mood lightens as they dig into the crispy duck meat, wrapping it in lettuce with a dollop of gochujang. It’s shockingly delicious.

Jack Black (mouth full): “Guys, I hate to say this, but… North Korea’s got some killer BBQ.”

Mr. X, sipping soju, leans in.

Mr. X: “If you think this is good… wait until tomorrow. I know a place that’s not on any map.”

A hush falls over the table. Even Rodman looks intrigued.

The night ends with laughter, a little too much soju, and the looming question:
What secret location is Mr. X talking about?

Day 2 – The DMZ & Kaesong – Diplomacy Meets Chaos

Featuring: Conan O’Brien, Stephen Colbert, Ryan Reynolds, Dennis Rodman, Choe Un-a (North Korean Actress), and Secret Tour Guide "Mr. X"

Scene 1: The Road to Kaesong – Morning Diplomacy & Breakfast Confusion

The early morning fog clings to Pyongyang’s silent streets as the group boards a government-issued tour bus. The purr of the aging diesel engine is the only sound as they head toward the Demilitarized Zone (DMZ)—one of the most heavily fortified borders in the world.

Inside the bus, the scent of freshly steamed buns and herbal tea lingers as a uniformed attendant hands out mysterious breakfast pastries.

Conan O’Brien (holding a bun suspiciously): “So… what’s in this?”

Choe Un-a (smiling politely): “It is called ‘ppang’—North Korean bread. Very nutritious.”

Ryan Reynolds (sniffing it): “It smells… like secrets.”

Rodman, completely unfazed, takes a huge bite.

Dennis Rodman: “Tastes like victory.”

Scene 2: Arrival at the DMZ – The World’s Most Tense Photo Op

The landscape shifts dramatically as they reach the DMZ. The air here feels thicker, the kind of silence that carries decades of unresolved tension. The buildings on both sides are eerily symmetrical, a mirror image of a divided nation.

A North Korean soldier, stone-faced, guides them forward.

Mr. X (whispering): “Welcome to the edge of history.”

The group steps into the blue negotiation hut, where the table inside literally divides the two Koreas. On the other side of the window, a South Korean soldier stands like a statue, mirrored by his Northern counterpart.

Stephen Colbert (studying them): “This is like a very serious dance battle, but no one moves.”

Conan leans over the exact midpoint of the table, his hand hovering over the South Korean side.

Conan O’Brien (grinning): “Guys, if I do this, am I technically defecting?”

Choe Un-a (horrified): “NO! DON’T!”

Before anyone can react, Ryan Reynolds reaches over, grabs Conan’s hand, and dramatically pulls it back to the North.

Ryan Reynolds: “You were this close to starring in a very different documentary, my friend.”

Rodman chuckles, then pats one of the North Korean soldiers on the shoulder. The soldier doesn’t react.

Dennis Rodman: “Tough crowd.”

Scene 3: The “Dennis Rodman Basketball Diplomacy” Incident

Just when things seem to settle, Rodman makes a call. A few minutes later, three extremely tall North Korean basketball players walk in.

Dennis Rodman (clapping his hands): “Alright boys, time for some real diplomacy.”

He gestures at a small basketball hoop someone mysteriously placed on one side of the room.

Mr. X (leaning in to Conan): “This was not planned.”

Before anyone can protest, Rodman throws a pass to Conan.

Conan O’Brien (panicking, dribbling awkwardly): “I haven’t played since high school! I think I just violated an international treaty!”

Stephen Colbert: “This is now officially the weirdest moment in American-North Korean relations.”

Ryan Reynolds takes the ball and does a slow-motion layup, making exaggerated action movie noises.

Ryan Reynolds: “For world peace!”

The North Korean players actually smile.

For a split second, the DMZ turns into a playground.

Then, just as suddenly, the soldiers signal that the fun is over. The tension returns.

Mr. X (hissing): “We should leave. Now.”

Scene 4: Kaesong – The Ancient Capital and the 12-Dish Feast

The bus ride to Kaesong is filled with laughter and adrenaline-fueled shock. The ancient city, surrounded by mist-covered mountains, feels like a time warp—low-rise, traditional houses and temples untouched by modernity.

They arrive at Tongil Restaurant, where a full royal meal awaits them: twelve golden bowls filled with delicacies like marinated beef, pickled vegetables, and exotic herbs.

Ryan Reynolds (staring at the table): “This looks suspiciously like the last supper.”

Choe Un-a (laughing): “It is a traditional Koryo Dynasty meal.”

Rodman raises his chopsticks like drumsticks and taps a rhythm on the table.

Dennis Rodman: “Let’s eat like kings.”

As they dig in, the scent of sesame oil, roasted garlic, and fermented spices fills the air.

Conan tries an unidentifiable dish, chews slowly, then turns to Mr. X.

Conan O’Brien: “…Should I ask what this is?”

Mr. X (deadpan): “No.”

Scene 5: Secret Mission – The Hidden Artifacts of Kaesong

Just as they’re about to leave, Mr. X pulls the group aside.

Mr. X (lowering his voice): “There is something here that very few foreigners have seen.”

He leads them through a narrow alley, past a locked wooden gate. Inside is a dimly lit chamber—dusty, untouched, lined with ancient scrolls.

Stephen Colbert (whispering): “If we find National Treasure 3 in here, I want producer credit.”

Mr. X unrolls an ancient map, revealing what looks like… a forgotten underground passage beneath Kaesong.

Ryan Reynolds (grinning): “Okay, but real question—how much danger are we in right now?”

Mr. X: “Depends. Are you good at running?”

The lights flicker. The air feels colder. The ground rumbles slightly.

Dennis Rodman (calmly finishing his tea): “I say we go in.”

Day 3 – Mt. Myohyang & The Secret Museum

Featuring: Conan O’Brien, Nicolas Cage, Terry Crews, Dennis Rodman, Jang Jin-sung (North Korean defector & poet), and Secret Tour Guide "Mr. X"

Scene 1: The Journey to Mt. Myohyang – Mystical Beginnings

The morning mist clings to the mountains as the group boards an older-model military jeep for their trip to Mt. Myohyang, one of North Korea’s most sacred places. The air is crisp and damp, carrying the scent of pine trees and damp earth. As the road snakes higher, the fog grows thicker, wrapping the towering peaks in a ghostly embrace.

Inside the jeep, Nicolas Cage is already in deep conspiracy mode, his eyes wide as he flips through a tattered notebook filled with notes.

Nicolas Cage (whispering dramatically): “Guys, I did some digging. Mt. Myohyang is home to the International Friendship Exhibition—a museum filled with thousands of secret gifts given to Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il. It’s like the North Korean Ark of the Covenant.”

Terry Crews (flexing): “Dude, if we’re talking treasure hunting, I’m in.”

Conan O’Brien (leaning in): “Wait, does this mean we’re about to star in National Treasure 3: The Pyongyang Code?”

Dennis Rodman, who has been asleep the entire ride, suddenly wakes up, stretches, and grins.

Dennis Rodman: “I call dibs on any golden basketballs.”

From the front seat, Mr. X turns around, a smirk playing on his lips.

Mr. X (ominously): “If you thought Kaesong was interesting, you haven’t seen anything yet.”

The jeep rumbles forward, heading into unknown territory.

Scene 2: The International Friendship Exhibition – The Strangest Museum on Earth

As the group steps into the massive stone building, a wave of cold, stale air rushes past them. The museum is dead silent, except for the occasional echo of their own footsteps on polished marble floors. The scent of aged wood and antique leather lingers in the air.

Rows upon rows of glass cases stretch into the distance, filled with extravagant gifts from world leaders, dignitaries, and random admirers of the regime.

Jang Jin-sung, the former North Korean poet, shakes his head in disbelief.

Jang Jin-sung (whispering): “I used to write propaganda about this place. Seeing it in real life is surreal.”

They approach the most absurd display cases:

• A taxidermied alligator standing upright, holding a tray – a gift from Fidel Castro.
• A jewel-encrusted sword from Muammar Gaddafi.
• A solid gold AK-47 from Russia.
• A basketball signed by Michael Jordan – Conan nudges Rodman knowingly.

Conan O’Brien: “Dennis… is this yours?”

Dennis Rodman (grinning): “I mean… it could be.”

Nicolas Cage is practically vibrating with excitement, pointing at a sealed-off vault at the back of the museum.

Nicolas Cage: “That. That’s where they keep the real secrets.”

Scene 3: The “Unauthorized” Vault Break-In

Mr. X glances around to make sure they’re alone.

Mr. X (low voice): “What I’m about to show you… no foreigner has seen before.”

He pulls out an old iron key, slides it into the vault’s keyhole, and with a deep clunk, the door swings open.

Inside, a dimly lit chamber reveals an array of ancient relics. Dust dances in the flickering light.

The group steps in cautiously, the air heavy with history.

Terry Crews (whispering): “Okay, this is officially Indiana Jones level now.”

On the walls, old maps and scrolls depict something unexpected—Japan and Korea connected by a forgotten trade route… with markings suggesting secret historical exchanges.

Nicolas Cage (eyes wide): “This… this could rewrite history.”

Jang Jin-sung, visibly shaken, runs his fingers over an old Korean manuscript.

Jang Jin-sung (in awe): “This text… it’s written in a style that predates what we thought possible.”

Suddenly—

A low humming sound fills the room. A security alarm.

Mr. X (panicking): “We need to leave. NOW.”

Scene 4: Escape Through the Mountains

The group bursts out of the vault, sprinting down the empty marble corridors. A faint red siren light pulses through the hallways, illuminating their panicked faces.

Conan O’Brien (gasping for breath): “I did not sign up for this part of the tour!”

They leap into the jeep, peeling off into the winding forest roads. The air is frigid, and mist wraps around the towering pines like ghostly tendrils.

Dennis Rodman (laughing as he clutches the Michael Jordan basketball he stole): “Best. Trip. Ever.”

As the museum disappears into the fog behind them, Mr. X looks grim.

Mr. X: “What you saw… does not exist.”

Nicolas Cage (grinning): “Oh, it exists. And now, so does the legend.”

Scene 5: Pohyon Temple – A Moment of Reflection

Breathless from their Indiana Jones-level escape, they arrive at Pohyon Temple, an ancient Buddhist site nestled in the mountain valleys. The scent of burning incense and old parchment calms their nerves.

A monk in deep orange robes greets them with a knowing smile.

Monk (bowing): “You have seen what was meant to be hidden. But all things reveal themselves in time.”

The group sits quietly, the gentle sound of a wooden gong echoing through the temple.

Terry Crews (deep breath): “Okay. That was the best day of my life.”

As the sun sets over the misty peaks, the group realizes—tomorrow, they head to Nampo, where more surprises (and probably trouble) await.

Day 4 – Nampo & The West Sea Barrage

Featuring: Conan O’Brien, Bear Grylls, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Dennis Rodman, Pak Un-jong (North Korean marathon runner), and Secret Tour Guide "Mr. X"

Scene 1: The Road to Nampo – Breakfast and Regret

The group sits inside an old, Soviet-era bus, bouncing along a dusty, uneven road toward Nampo, North Korea’s industrial and port city. Outside, endless fields of corn and rice paddies stretch into the distance, dotted with stoic farmers in straw hats.

The smell of fermented soybean paste wafts through the cabin as Mr. X hands out breakfast boxes.

Conan O’Brien (opening his box, grimacing): “Oh look, it’s… mystery meat and a boiled egg. Classic.”

Bear Grylls (taking a bite, nodding): “Bit bland, but good protein.”

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (lifting his portion): “I think this meal is skipping leg day.”

Dennis Rodman, already halfway through his mystery meat, grins.

Dennis Rodman: “You guys are soft. This is championship food.”

Pak Un-jong, the local North Korean marathon runner, smirks at them.

Pak Un-jong: “I eat this every day and run 20 kilometers. You think you can keep up?”

Conan pretends to choke on his food.

Scene 2: West Sea Barrage – The Rock vs. The Ocean

The West Sea Barrage, a massive eight-kilometer-long dam controlling the flow of the Taedong River, looms ahead. The wind whips salty air across their faces, and the crash of waves against the concrete walls echoes in the distance.

They step onto a watchtower platform, gazing out over the endless expanse of water.

Mr. X: “This dam was built to control flooding and improve irrigation. It’s considered an engineering marvel.”

Conan O’Brien (stroking his chin): “Yes, but has it ever been tested… by The Rock?”

Dwayne Johnson (grinning): “What are you implying?”

Bear Grylls (excited): “I think he’s saying we need to test its structural integrity.”

Dennis Rodman: “I’d bet money on The Rock versus the ocean.”

Suddenly, The Rock kneels down, presses his hands against the massive concrete structure, and pretends to PUSH.

The local North Korean guide gasps audibly.

Pak Un-jong (horrified): “Is… is he trying to MOVE the barrage?”

Conan and Rodman erupt into laughter, while Bear Grylls immediately starts filming with his phone.

Dwayne Johnson (grinning at the camera): “Welcome to ‘Man vs. Nature: North Korea Edition.’”

Pak Un-jong shakes her head, muttering something in Korean about “foreigners being insane.”

Scene 3: Chongsan-ri Cooperative Farm – The Survival Challenge

The bus rumbles into a rural collective farm, where rows of workers in blue uniforms tend to cabbage and rice paddies. The air is thick with the smell of damp soil and livestock.

A local farm leader in a gray Mao-style suit approaches, bowing slightly.

Farm Leader (stoically): “You will experience the labor of the people.”

Bear Grylls (grinning): “Now this is what I came for.”

Within minutes, Bear is knee-deep in a rice paddy, while The Rock hauls massive sacks of grain like he’s preparing for a strongman competition.

Conan O’Brien, meanwhile, pokes at the ground with a hoe, visibly confused.

Conan O’Brien: “I don’t want to brag, but I think I just farmed three grains of rice.”

Dennis Rodman, somehow, ends up on top of an ox cart, waving like a king.

Dennis Rodman: “This is how I roll, baby.”

The farm workers, at first bewildered, eventually burst into laughter, and soon the entire field turns into an impromptu competition.

Pak Un-jong challenges Conan to a race while balancing a basket of vegetables.

The Rock tries pulling a plow— and actually succeeds.

Bear Grylls attempts to drink “freshly squeezed” water from a plant root.

Meanwhile, Mr. X watches with a bemused expression, probably rethinking his life choices.

Scene 4: Ryonggang Hot Springs – North Korean Spa Day

After a day of exhausting farm work, the group arrives at Ryonggang Hot Springs, an exclusive, geothermal spa used by North Korean elites.

The scent of sulfur and warm minerals fills the air, and steam rises from the natural pools, creating an almost mystical atmosphere.

As they sink into the soothing, naturally heated water, Conan sighs dramatically.

Conan O’Brien: “Ah yes, relaxing in the very same waters where Supreme Leaders have bathed. I feel honored… and slightly terrified.”

Bear Grylls, ever the survivalist, rubs volcanic mud on his face.

Bear Grylls: “Nature’s best exfoliant.”

Rodman, completely at ease, leans back with a towel over his face.

Dennis Rodman: “You guys talk too much. Just let the magic happen.”

The Rock, still full of energy, does push-ups in the shallow water.

Dwayne Johnson: “I don’t relax. I just train in different locations.”

Meanwhile, Pak Un-jong watches all of them with a mix of curiosity and horror.

Pak Un-jong: “Foreigners are… very strange.”

Scene 5: The Secret Invite & A Mysterious Midnight Ride

As they return to Pyongyang, the group enjoys a lavish seafood feast at Taedonggang Seafood Restaurant.

The scent of grilled fish, soy sauce, and seaweed fills the air as they dig into massive crabs and fresh oysters.

Suddenly, Mr. X's phone buzzes.

He glances at the screen, his expression unreadable.

Mr. X: “Change of plans. Someone important wants to meet us. Now.”

The table falls silent.

Conan O’Brien (nervously): “…Is it who I think it is?”

Rodman leans back, grinning.

Dennis Rodman: “Boys, looks like you’re finally getting your big moment.”

A black, unmarked car pulls up outside. The door swings open.

A figure inside gestures for them to enter.

The air feels heavier. The group exchanges glances.

Then, one by one, they step inside.

Day 5 – Pyongyang Grand Finale & The Meeting

Featuring: Conan O’Brien, Will Ferrell, Emma Stone, Dennis Rodman, Ri Sol-ju (Kim Jong Un’s wife, former singer), and Secret Tour Guide "Mr. X"

Scene 1: The Midnight Ride – Entering the Unknown

The black, unmarked car rolls through the empty, eerily silent streets of Pyongyang. The streetlights cast long, flickering shadows, and the air is thick with anticipation. No one speaks. Even Rodman, usually unfazed, seems… focused.

Inside, the smell of expensive leather and faint cigar smoke lingers in the air. Conan glances at Rodman, who smirks.

Conan O’Brien (whispering): “Dennis, should I be worried?”

Dennis Rodman (grinning): “Always.”

Will Ferrell, who insisted on coming last minute, is humming the Mission Impossible theme.

Will Ferrell: “I’m just saying, if this is the end, at least we went out in style.”

The car slows down, pulling up to a heavily guarded, palatial complex.

Mr. X: “Welcome to the Ryongsong Residence. The Supreme Leader’s private estate.”

The car door swings open. Outside, a single figure stands waiting in the dim glow of a lantern.

Scene 2: The Unexpected Host – A Different Kind of Invitation

As they step out, their breath visible in the cold night air, the figure steps forward.

It’s Ri Sol-ju, Kim Jong Un’s wife.

Dressed in a sleek, traditional hanbok, she gives a warm but enigmatic smile.

Ri Sol-ju (in perfect English): “Welcome. The Chairman is… busy. But he wanted you to enjoy North Korean hospitality.”

Conan O’Brien (nodding): “Ah yes, of course. Leaders are always busy… doing very leader-y things.”

Emma Stone, who is seeing all of this for the first time, leans to Will Ferrell.

Emma Stone (whispering): “Is this happening? Is this actually happening?”

Will Ferrell (whispering back): “I think we’re in a spy novel.”

Ri Sol-ju gestures toward a private banquet hall, where a lavish, perfectly arranged meal is waiting.

Scene 3: The “Diplomatic” Banquet – North Korean Elegance Meets Western Chaos

The hall is dimly lit with golden chandeliers, the table set with gold-trimmed plates and steaming dishes of Pyongyang-style cuisine. The air smells of grilled meat, aged soy sauce, and exotic herbs.

Dennis Rodman (grinning as he pours soju): “To new friends.”

Conan O’Brien: “And to surviving whatever happens next.”

They raise their glasses, toasting in the most surreal dinner party of their lives.

The dishes include:

• Cold Pyongyang-style buckwheat noodles (symbolizing longevity).
• Wild ginseng soup (believed to increase strength).
• A whole roast duck (stuffed with rice and spices).
• A mysterious seafood platter (which Bear Grylls, had he been here, would definitely have called “highly questionable”).

As they eat, Ri Sol-ju watches them with quiet amusement.

Ri Sol-ju: “I have seen your comedy, Mr. O’Brien. I must say, you are… very different from our usual guests.”

Conan O’Brien (leaning in): “I get that a lot.”

Will Ferrell, already three shots of soju deep, leans in dramatically.

Will Ferrell: “If you want, I can introduce North Korea to the majesty that is Elf.”

Ri Sol-ju laughs—a genuine, surprising laugh.

Ri Sol-ju: “Perhaps next time.”

Then, suddenly, a low hum echoes through the hall.

A door opens.

Everyone freezes.

Scene 4: The Moment of Truth – A Mysterious Figure

A man in a long military coat steps inside. The room falls into absolute silence.

For a split second, Conan thinks it’s Kim Jong Un himself.

But no—it’s a high-ranking official, flanked by guards.

The air turns electric with tension.

Official (stoic): “Mr. O’Brien. The Chairman wishes to send his regards.”

A guard steps forward and places a small, carefully wrapped box in front of Conan.

Conan O’Brien (nervously): “Oh wow, a present! I sure hope it’s not… my own head.”

No one laughs.

Conan slowly opens the box. Inside is a gold-plated nameplate… written in Korean.

Mr. X (reading it aloud): “Honorary North Korean Citizen – Conan O’Brien.”

The group stares.

Will Ferrell (whispering to Emma): “I think we need to get him out of here now before they draft him.”

Scene 5: The Great Escape – And A Final Message

As they exit the estate, Mr. X ushers them back into the car with urgency.

Mr. X (low voice): “You’ve been given something rare… but we need to leave. Before this turns into something else.”

The black car speeds through Pyongyang, racing toward the airport.

Dennis Rodman, completely unfazed, leans back.

Dennis Rodman: “Told you this trip would be fun.”

As they board the plane, Conan glances at the nameplate one last time.

Emma Stone: “So… are you actually an honorary North Korean now?”

Conan O’Brien: “I mean, I think it’s just a really fancy way of saying ‘get out and don’t come back.’”

The engines roar to life. The plane lifts off.

Below them, the surreal landscape of Pyongyang fades into darkness.

Will Ferrell (sighing, watching out the window): “Well… that was totally normal.”

Everyone bursts into laughter.

The trip of a lifetime is officially over.

Or is it?

As Conan tucks the gold nameplate into his bag, his phone buzzes with a text.

It’s from an unknown number.

It reads:

"We will meet again. Sooner than you think."

Final Reflection – The Weirdest, Wildest Trip of My Life

[Scene opens: Conan sitting alone in a dimly lit airport lounge at Pyongyang Sunan International Airport. The room is eerily quiet except for the faint hum of fluorescent lights. He looks directly into the camera, expression half-exhausted, half-incredulous, sipping a cup of what is allegedly "North Korean coffee."]

Conan O’Brien (leaning forward, shaking his head):
"Well, folks… we made it. We actually made it out of North Korea alive. And I don’t know whether to be relieved or deeply concerned that they let us go so easily."

"Let’s take a moment to reflect on what just happened, because if I don’t say it out loud, I might wake up tomorrow and convince myself it was all just a fever dream."

"In the span of five days, we did the impossible. We toured the streets of Pyongyang like we were on some weird North Korean edition of The Amazing Race. We stood at the DMZ, where for a brief moment, I genuinely thought I might be forcibly recruited into the North Korean government. We visited a museum filled with gifts from world leaders—which, in case you were wondering, includes a gold-plated alligator but sadly, no PlayStation 5."

"We plowed fields at a collective farm (badly), nearly got arrested at a secret vault full of lost history, and let’s not forget—Dennis Rodman almost started an international basketball incident. I will never unsee the image of Ryan Reynolds doing slow-motion layups in the DMZ. Never."

"But here’s what’s crazy: in between the absurdity, the awkward moments, and the constant fear that we were one wrong joke away from disappearing forever, I saw something else—something real."

"We met locals who, despite living in an isolated world, were kind, curious, and—whether or not they were supposed to—laughed at our stupidity. We met a North Korean marathon runner who could outrun all of us while eating boiled cabbage. We shared soju and stories with people who, on the surface, are supposed to be "different" from us, but deep down? They’re just people, living their lives the best way they know how."

"And then, of course, there was Ri Sol-ju, the First Lady of North Korea herself, who invited us to a dinner party that I can only describe as a politically complicated fever dream. Who knew that my comedy special would one day include Will Ferrell drunkenly pitching Elf to North Korea’s leadership?"

"And finally… the nameplate. The one thing I did NOT expect to leave with—my honorary North Korean citizenship."

[Conan reaches into his bag and holds up the gold-plated nameplate. It glints under the harsh airport lights. He stares at it for a moment, shaking his head.]

"Look, I don’t know if this is a genuine honor or a really fancy way of saying ‘Get Out and Don’t Come Back.’ Either way, I’m framing it and putting it on my wall."

"So what did I learn from all this?"

"That the world is a lot weirder than we think. That you can take Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson to North Korea and somehow, he will still find a way to flex his muscles in a politically neutral way. That Bear Grylls can make anything into a survival challenge, including drinking questionable water at a luxury spa. And that, despite all the differences, all the history, and all the bizarre, unspoken rules of a place like North Korea—people are still people. They eat, they laugh, they love, they worry, and they tell stories, just like us."

"Am I coming back? Absolutely not. Let’s be real—I pushed my luck so hard that I’m probably on a watchlist in Pyongyang forever. But would I do it all over again? In a heartbeat."

"Because if life is just a giant, unpredictable, occasionally terrifying, but mostly hilarious game, then you might as well play it with a ridiculous cast of characters, an open mind, and a willingness to ask the dumb questions no one else will."

"And with that, ladies and gentlemen… I’m getting the hell out of here before they change their minds."

[The airport intercom suddenly crackles in Korean. Conan freezes, glancing at the camera nervously.]

"Oh no. Did they just say my name? Do I have to stay? Am I—"

[Cut to black.]

[Text on screen: “Conan O’Brien is currently not in North Korea. But his honorary citizenship remains… for now.”]

[Roll credits over a highlight reel of the trip, including Conan accidentally tripping at the DMZ, Rodman high-fiving a confused soldier, Will Ferrell bowing incorrectly, and The Rock casually lifting a farm ox for fun.]

THE END… OR IS IT?

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