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Conan O’Brien:
(Standing in front of the Juche Tower with a wry smile)
Hello. I’m Conan O’Brien. And somehow, I’ve talked a group of world-class comedians, Oscar winners, and one very tall basketball legend into joining me on a five-day vacation… to North Korea. Yes, that North Korea.
Now, why would we do this? Simple. Because laughter — much like radiation — travels without borders. And unlike radiation, we hope this actually does some good.
Our goal isn’t politics. We’re not here to fix anything. We’re here to share a meal, hear a song, maybe shoot a few hoops… and see what happens when you show up not with answers, but with curiosity. And maybe a ukelele.
So come with us. It’s going to be awkward. It’s going to be weird. It might even be… beautiful.
(Note: This is an imaginary conversation, a creative exploration of an idea, and not a real speech or event.)
Topic 1: Pyongyang – Theater of Ideology
🎬 Scene 1: Arrival at Sunan Airport
Alejandro Cao de Benós (welcoming at tarmac)
Welcome to the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea — the land of Juche, loyalty, and uniquely excellent air-conditioning.
Conan O’Brien
Alejandro, this feels like a Wes Anderson movie starring… me.
(turns to camera)
If I disappear after this trip, please remember me as a man who tried to high-five the statue of Kim Il Sung.
Margot Robbie
(whispering to Emma)
Why does everything smell like lemon-scented seriousness?
Shaquille O’Neal
(grinning)
Yo, I had to duck just to get through the plane door. If anyone here thinks I’m a spy, I’m the world’s worst one.
Ken Jeong
Not true, Shaq. I’ve seen you in a fake mustache before. You look like a refrigerator with eyebrows.
Trevor Noah
Let’s not start an international incident in the parking lot, please.
🎬 Scene 2: Mansu Hill Grand Monuments
(The group stands in front of the 70-foot statues of Kim Il Sung and Kim Jong Il. They bow in respectful silence.)
Jack Black (breaking the silence, softly)
This feels like standing at the gates of a really serious theme park.
Emma Stone
Everything is so controlled. Even the sky feels choreographed.
Youn Yuh-jung
(solemn)
This is not a joke, kids. For Koreans, this is holy ground. Even if it’s political.
Sacha Baron Cohen
(wearing an overly solemn expression)
Yes, I feel the weight of ideological rigor pressing gently on my comedic glands.
Alejandro
(to the group)
Many visitors find themselves moved here. Not just by the statues, but by the sheer will it took to build this country. You see, Juche is more than an idea. It is… everything.
Conan
(interjecting)
That explains why even the hotel breakfast omelet had “Juche” burned into the top.
Shaq
Yo, did you guys see the statue’s shoes? Man had style.
🎬 Scene 3: Juche Tower & City Overlook
(The group stands atop the Juche Tower, overlooking Pyongyang’s wide boulevards.)
Alejandro
From here, you can see the careful balance of symbolism. No ads. No clutter. Just clarity. The state speaks clearly.
Trevor
Yeah… but does it listen?
Emma
It’s stunning though. It’s like the city is wearing its Sunday best… forever.
Margot
I keep expecting someone to start filming a musical number where we’re all dressed like officials.
Jack Black (suddenly belting)
🎵 Pyongyaaaaaang, you light up my daaaaay 🎵
Ken Jeong
Please stop. This is not how we avoid being detained.
Sacha
What would a Juche dating show look like?
Conan
Easy. No swiping. Just mandatory admiration.
🎬 Scene 4: Mokran Video Studio
(They’re inside the surreal North Korean film studio, surrounded by costumes, props, and dozens of framed movie posters.)
Alejandro
This is where the art of the nation is shaped. It’s like your Hollywood, but with a bit more… discipline.
Shaq
(pointing to a framed action movie poster)
Yo, is that guy supposed to be me?
Alejandro
That is the heroic depiction of a revolutionary farmer who also slam dunks capitalism.
Ken Jeong
So, it’s a biopic.
Conan
I want to play the role of "Confused Foreigner Who Accidentally Becomes Minister of Propaganda."
Jack Black (trying on a faux military cape)
Guys, I’ve never felt more ready to lead a choir of revolutionaries into a sea of interpretive dance.
Youn Yuh-jung
You’re all fools, but… strangely charming ones.
Emma
I kind of want to make a film here. Just don’t know what genre we’re in yet.
Trevor
Political satire with a side of existential dread?
🎬 Scene 5: Taedong River Dinner Cruise
(The group boards a boat for a sunset cruise. Waiters in military-style uniforms serve duck barbecue, rice wine, and traditional music plays in the background.)
Alejandro
To our honored guests — may this trip inspire understanding between people, and laughter where there was once confusion.
Conan (raising glass)
To understanding. And to not being held indefinitely for what’s about to happen when Jack opens the karaoke mic.
Jack Black (already holding it)
🎵 I’m a rocket man… in a Juche land 🎵
Shaq (laughing)
Don’t make me dunk you overboard.
Margot (smiling)
Honestly? I didn’t think I’d enjoy this day. But I do. It’s… absurd. And beautiful.
Youn Yuh-jung
That is Korea. Even in the North.
Ken Jeong
I want a sitcom where we all just live here now. “Welcome to Pyongyang!” Wednesdays at 8.
Sacha
With guest appearances by… myself, as six different party officials.
Emma
We joke, but this feels… historic, right?
Trevor
It does. We’re not changing the world, but maybe we’re softening something. Just a little.
Conan
And if not, at least we got duck barbecue and a really weird group photo.
🧭 Final Reflections (Floating Down the River)
Alejandro
You’ve laughed today, and that’s rare for foreigners here. But know this: laughter carries far. Even into places it’s not supposed to reach.
Conan (quietly)
We didn’t come here to mock. We came to witness. And maybe… humanize each other, a bit.
Emma
I think the silence here says more than any of our jokes ever could.
Jack Black (softly humming)
🎵 Strange lands, stranger friends, finding joy where the map ends… 🎵
Youn Yuh-jung
Tomorrow, you’ll see more. But remember: what you felt today… that was real.
Topic 2: Mt. Myohyang – The Sacred and the Strange
🎬 Scene 1: The Road to Myohyang
(The convoy winds through fog-laced mountain roads. Pine forests blur past. The mood is more contemplative today.)
Alejandro Cao de Benós
This mountain has long been considered sacred — first by ancient Buddhists, now by diplomats. Today, you’ll see both prayer and power.
Trevor Noah
So basically, spiritual vibes with a side of strategic flex?
Emma Stone
It’s beautiful though. I kind of forgot North Korea had… serenity.
Shaquille O’Neal
This the kind of place I’d build a Shaq Retreat. Spa. Meditation. Basketball court in the forest.
Margot Robbie
Imagine a silent retreat with this group. Jack would last six minutes.
Jack Black
(singing softly)
🎵 Mountains high, secrets deep, I snore when monks try not to speak 🎵
Youn Yuh-jung
Just… no karaoke at the temple, please.
🎬 Scene 2: International Friendship Exhibition Halls
(The group descends into a massive marble complex inside the mountain. Lights glow over thousands of diplomatic gifts in glass cases.)
Alejandro
Welcome to the vault of global respect. Every gift from every dignitary who has paid homage to our leadership is housed here.
Conan O’Brien
This is like Graceland if Elvis ruled a country and collected… cannons and fruit baskets.
Ken Jeong
(pointing)
Is that really a basketball signed by Michael Jordan?
Alejandro
Yes. And behind it, a sword from Gaddafi. Over there, a boomerang from Australia. And, yes, those are gold-plated chopsticks from Mongolia.
Shaq
Yo. They got a VHS copy of Space Jam in here?
Jack Black
I swear I just saw a taxidermy panda playing a lute.
Trevor
This is either the most impressive museum ever or a really weird episode of Cribs.
Emma
(whispering to Margot)
There’s something eerie about all these gifts. Like the world’s trying to say “please don’t misunderstand us.”
Margot
Maybe they are.
🎬 Scene 3: Pohyon Temple
(The group steps through a wooden gate into a centuries-old Buddhist temple. The scent of incense lingers. Bells chime faintly in the wind.)
Youn Yuh-jung
This place predates all the statues you saw yesterday. The monks here outlived kings and warlords.
Alejandro
Even our leadership respects this sacred site. It represents Korean roots, undivided by ideology.
Trevor
So… no one’s watching us here?
Conan
Well, except Buddha. And that pigeon. And probably a few drones.
Jack Black (softly)
Feels different here. Like the air got heavier but nicer.
Ken Jeong
I feel like I should sit cross-legged and apologize for my whole personality.
Emma (smiling)
We all should.
Shaq
Yo, even I feel small here.
Margot
It’s the stillness. It’s ancient. You can’t perform around it. You just… listen.
Youn Yuh-jung (bowing deeply)
Good. Now stop talking and bow.
🎬 Scene 4: Forest Walk to the Cliffs
(They follow a path through the woods. Mist rolls in. A waterfall roars nearby. The path narrows. No guards. No cameras. Just trees.)
Alejandro
This trail is not on the official tourist maps. I wanted you to see what most don’t — the North Korea that breathes on its own.
Conan (walking slower)
This might be the first moment I forgot I’m being watched.
Ken Jeong
I think I just bonded with a fern.
Jack Black (leaping onto a boulder)
I claim this rock in the name of Funk Diplomacy!
Trevor
This would be the perfect place to bring two Koreas together — no microphones, no suits. Just air and mountains.
Shaq
And a grill.
Emma
What would you say, if South Korean actors stood here with us?
Margot
I’d ask what they dream of. Quietly.
Youn Yuh-jung
I would listen. That’s all.
🎬 Scene 5: Temple Meal & Twilight Reflections
(Inside a serene wooden lodge overlooking the valley, they eat a simple vegetarian meal: lotus root, mountain greens, rice, and broth.)
Alejandro
Temple food is more than cuisine. It’s a form of meditation. The monks say flavor without ego makes room for spirit.
Shaq (chewing carefully)
Yo. This is… subtle. Like, I keep waiting for it to taste like something, and then… it’s peace.
Jack Black
These mushrooms are having a conversation with my liver.
Ken Jeong
I want to package this air. Sell it in LA.
Trevor (to Emma)
Do you think this country wants peace, deep down?
Emma
I think its people do. Its leadership… I’m not sure peace means the same thing.
Margot
Maybe peace isn’t always a handshake. Maybe it’s a breath. A shared silence.
Youn Yuh-jung
Peace begins when we stop thinking we understand each other. And want to, anyway.
Conan (looking out the window)
If we brought one North Korean child and one American child to this mountain — no politics — just hiking boots and a packed lunch... they'd be friends by sundown.
🧭 Final Thoughts (Outside, Under the Stars)
(They gather under a small pavilion, drinking roasted barley tea as the sky turns violet.)
Alejandro
You’ve now seen a side of Korea most foreigners — and even many Koreans — never see. What you carry from here matters more than what you capture on camera.
Conan
I’ll remember the silence. And the soup. And Jack declaring rocks sovereign nations.
Jack Black (grinning)
That was a legitimate revolution, thank you.
Emma
I didn’t expect to feel so… calm. It's like this mountain cracked my phone screen, then whispered, “you’re fine.”
Trevor
We joke, but I think today was healing. For us, even just a little.
Shaq
Yo. That mountain beat therapy.
Ken Jeong
I came in as a loud American. I’m leaving… slightly quieter.
Margot
I think when you visit places like this, you stop trying to change the world. You just try to understand it.
Youn Yuh-jung (gently)
And that, my dear, is already changing it.
Topic 3: Kaesong & DMZ – The Edge of Everything
🎬 Scene 1: Entering Kaesong — History’s Quiet Host
(The group rides in two black vans through morning mist into the old city of Kaesong. Streets are narrow, time feels paused. Locals glance from doorways.)
Alejandro Cao de Benós
Kaesong is a city of memory. It once belonged to the South, then to the North, then to both. It was the capital of Korea 700 years ago — before Korea split like a wishbone.
Conan O’Brien
That explains why it feels like we just drove into a folk tale. I half expect a talking tiger to offer me tea.
Emma Stone
It’s peaceful here. No skyscrapers. Just rooftops and dust.
Margot Robbie
It feels… unguarded. Almost like it forgot to act.
Trevor Noah
Which probably means something important is about to happen.
Shaquille O’Neal
Or it means it’s just too early for me to be philosophical.
Youn Yuh-jung
Kaesong doesn’t need to act. It remembers. That’s deeper.
Jack Black (peeking out the window)
Do you think ghosts live here? Like, the calm ones? Monks? Artists?
Ken Jeong
Definitely. And they probably think we’re the ghosts.
🎬 Scene 2: The DMZ – Lines We Pretend Not to Cross
(They stand in the blue meeting room at Panmunjom, straddling the military demarcation line. Guards outside. Tension thick. Cameras minimal.)
Alejandro (calmly)
You are now standing half in the North, half in the South. If you inhale, do it diplomatically.
Conan (one foot on each side)
So I’m technically negotiating peace with every breath?
Ken Jeong (whispers)
This is surreal. Like... I’m in the cold open of a very serious Netflix drama.
Shaq (leaning forward)
Where’s the basketball court? I was promised hoops for harmony.
Trevor
Imagine if every border dispute got settled by a 3-on-3.
Emma
This room is so small… and yet the world sees it as a battlefield.
Margot
Do you think peace could start here, really?
Sacha Baron Cohen (deadpan)
Only if the next summit includes interpretive dance.
Jack Black (gently stepping across the line)
🎵 One foot in the South, one in the North, maybe we can just… step forth 🎵
Youn Yuh-jung
This line has split millions of hearts. Don’t joke it away. But… yes, laugh. Carefully.
🎬 Scene 3: The Briefing Room – War Narrated Softly
(They enter a military conference room. A young officer gives a presentation in crisp Korean, translated by Alejandro. Diagrams show troop movements and “imperialist aggression.”)
Alejandro
And here, we see the heroic defense at the Imjin River, where—
Conan (raising hand)
Sorry, quick question. Did anyone here ever consider… not having a war?
Shaq (looking at the maps)
Yo. This looks like my fantasy football draft. Too many arrows, not enough snacks.
Trevor (leanly sarcastic)
So let me get this straight — both sides say the other started it, both sides say they’re the true Korea, and both sides refuse to blink?
Emma
It’s like a 70-year-old staring contest.
Margot
With landmines.
Ken Jeong
Okay, I don’t know who’s right, but I do know nobody here looks happy about it.
Youn Yuh-jung (quietly)
Because we lost something we can’t get back. And nobody wants to be the first to admit it.
Jack Black (softly)
Then maybe admitting that is the first peace offering.
Sacha
As long as it doesn’t require us all to wear those hats.
🎬 Scene 4: Royal Lunch in a Kaesong Hanok
(They gather in a courtyard home with wooden beams and silk tablecloths. Dishes include ginseng chicken soup, radish salad, and wild sesame noodles.)
Alejandro
This is a royal meal. Centuries ago, only the nobility of the Koryo dynasty ate this way.
Margot Robbie (smiling)
Now Hollywood royalty, NBA legends, and... whatever Conan is, are eating it too.
Conan
I identify as a diplomatic snack.
Emma (laughing)
Honestly? This food is incredible. Simple. Deep. Like someone cooked with memory instead of butter.
Trevor
I keep thinking about that demarcation line. How many families never sat together again?
Shaq (serious now)
Too many. Back home, we break bread to settle beef. Food humbles people.
Youn Yuh-jung
In Korea, a shared table means more than signed papers. It’s how we say: “I see you.”
Ken Jeong
Then I’ll take three helpings of peace, please.
Jack Black (singing to his dumpling)
🎵 Little moon of peace, wrap me in your yeasty arms 🎵
🎬 Scene 5: Sunset Basketball Match – DPRK vs Team Peace
(A local gym. One half is filled with North Korean teens, the other with our guests. Shaq and Steph Curry (who flew in just for this match) lace up. Conan referees in a Juche hat.)
Shaq (grinning)
Alright. Let’s do this. Loser has to build a statue of the winner in tofu.
Steph Curry
I’m not here to dominate. I’m here to inspire… and maybe break one backboard.
Emma (on the mic)
Welcome to the first-ever “Dunk for De-escalation.” Let the diplomacy begin!
Conan (blowing whistle)
First foul results in… an awkward silence and possible re-education.
Ken Jeong
I’m subbing in for both sides. That’s called balanced policy.
Margot
Look at their faces. These kids are beaming. When was the last time they just… played?
Youn Yuh-jung (watching from the bench)
Children don’t inherit hatred. They are taught it. But maybe today, they learn something else.
Jack Black (cheering in full costume)
🎵 If you can dribble, you can dialogue! 🎵
Trevor (nodding)
This… this is what hope looks like. Not a treaty. Just a pass.
🧭 Final Reflections (Bus Ride Back to Pyongyang)
(Everyone is quiet for a while. Sunset outside. Mountains turn golden.)
Alejandro (softly)
This country may look still on the surface. But underneath, it aches to be known. To be respected. Maybe even… to be healed.
Conan
Today didn’t solve anything. But it… chipped something. A little crack in the wall.
Emma
I feel it too. We played. We listened. Maybe that’s the beginning.
Shaq
Man, if every country had to hoop before invading… the world’d be a lot chiller.
Ken Jeong
We were ridiculous, but also real. That’s the weird power of this trip.
Margot
I don’t know what will happen to Korea. But I know what happened to us. And it matters.
Trevor (quietly)
We crossed a line today. Not the one on the floor. The one in our heads.
Youn Yuh-jung
And once you cross that line — there’s no going back.
Topic 4: Wonsan – Where Propaganda Wears Flip-Flops
🎬 Scene 1: Kalma Beach – Absurd Peace Under the Sun
(Morning. The group arrives at Wonsan’s Kalma Beach. The sand is clean, umbrellas symmetrical, and the sea still. Military guards patrol discreetly in the distance.)
Alejandro Cao de Benós
Welcome to Wonsan — the future Monaco of the DPRK. As you see, the sand has been leveled by hand. Daily. By students.
Conan O’Brien
Finally! A dictatorship with beach chairs.
Shaquille O’Neal (stretching in swim trunks)
Yo, this is kinda nice though. If you forget the surveillance boats.
Margot Robbie (laughing)
It’s like being in a vintage beach postcard… made by someone who’s never been to the beach.
Ken Jeong (struggling to put on sunscreen)
I think my SPF is blocking Wi-Fi signals. My face just defaulted to 1953.
Jack Black (running into the waves)
🎵 Let the Juche wash over meeeee 🎵
Emma Stone
You can feel the tension relax here. Even the guards look bored.
Trevor Noah
Because you can’t hate someone in flip-flops. That’s the secret weapon of soft diplomacy.
🎬 Scene 2: Songdowon International Children’s Camp
(The group walks through a pastel-colored camp where children from around the world — mostly Africa, Southeast Asia, and a few local Korean kids — are dancing, painting, and playing games. A large statue of Kim Il Sung stands at the entrance.)
Alejandro
This is where North Korea showcases international friendship. Every summer, they bring children here — to sing, swim, and learn revolutionary songs.
Youn Yuh-jung (softly)
They don’t know they’re being taught something. They just think they’re playing.
Conan
This feels like summer camp and North Korea’s version of Disneyland got stuck in a blender.
Shaq (high-fiving kids)
Yo, this little dude just asked me if I was a tree. I said yes.
Ken Jeong (kneeling to talk to a kid)
What's your favorite part of camp?
Kid (in Korean): “The dances!”
Ken (translating)
He said, ‘The dances and the pancakes and the fact that you’re kind of loud.’
Jack Black (starts leading a conga line)
🎵 International camp! No borders on this stamp! 🎵
Emma Stone (watching a girl draw)
Look at her painting. It's her and her friend from Uganda holding hands. I don’t care what the agenda is — that’s beautiful.
Trevor
Kids are naturally peaceful. They don’t have to unlearn anything yet.
🎬 Scene 3: Seafood BBQ on the Sand
(Evening. The group gathers around fire pits where fresh-caught crab, squid, and clams are grilled. North Korean staff pour cups of rice beer and barley tea. Laughter mixes with smoke.)
Alejandro
This meal is from the sea just beyond. And yes, the firewood is arranged geometrically for “symbolic harmony.”
Conan (biting into crab leg)
Symbolically harmonious… and delicious. That’s my kind of messaging.
Margot
I don’t know if it’s the food or the view, but this feels like the first dinner where no one’s pretending anything.
Shaq (holding up a grilled squid)
Peace through tentacles, baby.
Emma (passing plates)
We should do this with the South Koreans someday. Same fire, different chairs.
Ken Jeong
I’m just glad this isn’t a propaganda dinner. Like no one’s reading us poetry about tractors.
Jack Black (strumming a ukulele)
🎵 We grilled for peace, we ate for joy, no missiles in the miso 🎵
Trevor
You know what this is? This is what people think diplomacy is. But it’s not. This is real. Unofficial. Honest.
Youn Yuh-jung
Maybe laughter and fire are stronger than signed papers. You can’t fake warmth.
🎬 Scene 4: Beach Bonfire & Story Circle
(The stars are out. The group sits around a bonfire on the beach. Local children and teachers join, singing songs in Korean and English. The group is invited to share a “story of peace.”)
Shaq (first to speak)
When I was a kid, we moved a lot. No matter where I went, I played ball. And that’s how I made friends. I didn’t need to speak the language. I just passed the ball.
Emma Stone
My story’s simpler. My dad once told me: “If you ever get really mad at someone, imagine them as a baby.” I’ve used that in every argument since.
Ken Jeong
I grew up trying to be the good kid. The quiet one. But I realized peace isn’t always being quiet. Sometimes, it’s laughing at the right time. It breaks walls.
Margot Robbie
When I was filming Barbie, I thought — what if girls here could play like that? No script. No rules. Just joy. That’s what I want peace to look like.
Conan
I used to think sarcasm was my superpower. But it’s not. It’s listening. When you joke, and someone laughs — you’re inside their world, even if just for a second. That’s peace too.
Trevor Noah
I came from a country where peace wasn’t given — it was built. One truth at a time. And the truth is — every country has beauty, but also pain it doesn’t talk about. We have to keep asking: What are we hiding behind smiles?
Youn Yuh-jung (final words)
Peace isn’t in the speeches. It’s in what we share without needing to explain. Like now. A fire. A breath. A song.
🎬 Scene 5: Stargazing & the Unspoken
(Later. Most people are quiet, lying back in the sand. Stars blanket the black sky. Waves hush everything.)
Conan (softly to Emma)
You think they know how strange this is for us?
Emma
I think they feel it. But they’re trying, in their way.
Ken (to Shaq)
Bro, remember when we were in Pyongyang and now we’re here… roasting marshmallows with socialist boy scouts?
Shaq
Wild. But also… peaceful. I don’t get it. But I don’t need to.
Trevor (looking up)
Same stars as back home. Makes you realize how small borders are.
Jack Black (whispering)
🎵 No maps in the sky… just constellations getting along 🎵
Margot
Maybe peace isn't about fixing nations. Maybe it’s just building friendships that confuse war.
Youn Yuh-jung
Tomorrow we leave. But if we leave one honest laugh behind, one child remembering our kindness… we didn’t waste a single moment.
Topic 5: Mt. Kumgang – The Sacred Farewell
Setting: Day 5 of the North Korea Celebrity Tour, culminating in Mt. Kumgang — the Diamond Mountains — the most symbolic and spiritual leg of the journey.
🎬 Scene 1: The Journey to the Mountain
(Early morning. The group rides in a quiet convoy. Outside, the landscape transforms — flatter plains become towering cliffs and misty forest trails.)
Alejandro Cao de Benós
We are approaching Mt. Kumgang — the “Diamond Mountain.” For centuries, poets and pilgrims came here to be humbled. Today, it’s your turn.
Conan O’Brien
Great. I was just thinking I needed a cliff to whisper my existential dread into.
Emma Stone (looking out window)
It doesn’t even look real. Like we’ve entered a painting.
Jack Black (dramatic whisper)
Behold! Where the Earth grew teeth and decided to bite the sky!
Margot Robbie
How is this not on every travel brochure?
Shaquille O’Neal
Because there’s no Wi-Fi and nobody wants to carry me down if I roll an ankle.
Trevor Noah
Perfect place to end the tour. Mountains have memory. And they don’t argue.
Youn Yuh-jung (quietly)
That’s why they last longer than kingdoms.
🎬 Scene 2: The Kuryong Waterfall Hike
(The group ascends a scenic trail — wildflowers at their feet, towering granite walls on either side. The sound of falling water grows.)
Alejandro
The waterfall’s name, Kuryong, means “Nine Dragons.” Legend says they guard the mountain’s spirit.
Conan
If we see a dragon, do we run or bow?
Ken Jeong
We offer it spicy noodles and a karaoke mic.
Emma Stone (pausing on the trail)
I don’t want to talk here. Just… look.
Margot Robbie (nodding)
There’s something ancient in the air. Like it remembers more than we ever will.
Shaq (panting slightly)
I need to stop every 200 years. Let the dragons hike.
Jack Black (at the waterfall)
🎵 Oh mighty cascade, cleanse our diplomatic sins! 🎵
Trevor (softly)
Is this the part where we say goodbye to what we thought we knew?
Youn Yuh-jung
No. This is where we accept that we never knew it in the first place.
🎬 Scene 3: Silent Reflection at Lake Samilpo
(They sit by a still, sacred lake nestled in the valley. No cameras. No speeches. Just breeze and birdsong.)
Conan (quietly)
Five days. Feels like a dream I accidentally walked into… and didn’t want to leave.
Emma
You said earlier you came to joke your way through the absurd. But… did it change you?
Conan
Yeah. Because the absurd wasn’t the country. It was me, trying to control how I felt about it.
Shaq
I thought I’d just smile, eat, and bounce. But those kids? That game? That meal? That silence?
Trevor
You start off thinking it’s a country made of walls. Then you realize it’s people… behind them.
Ken Jeong
And every smile we gave was met with hesitation. Until it wasn’t.
Jack Black (gently plucking grass)
This place… isn’t what we were told. And it isn’t what it says it is, either. It’s something else. Something trying.
Margot
And if it’s trying… we owe it the same.
Youn Yuh-jung (placing a stone by the lake)
This is how Koreans honor the sacred — not with speeches, but with a gesture. Leave a stone. Leave a moment. Leave yourself.
🎬 Scene 4: The Final Meal and the Peace Tree
(They gather beneath pine trees. A table is set with mountain herbs, grilled fish, and pine wine. Beside it stands a small sapling, ready to be planted.)
Alejandro
Before you leave, the ministry has allowed you a rare gift — to plant a peace tree on sacred ground. A symbol, nothing more. But symbols matter.
Conan (holding the sapling)
Do I get to name it? I vote for “Diplomacy Bark.”
Ken Jeong
Or “General Leaf-son.”
Trevor
Just make sure it doesn’t accidentally get labeled a foreign asset.
Margot (digging)
This is the most hopeful thing we’ve done. Not for cameras. Just… a tree. That might live.
Emma (placing soil)
Maybe someday, a child will sit under this and ask, “Who planted it?” And the answer won’t matter as much as the shade it gives.
Jack Black (watering it with a flask)
🎵 Grow, little friend. Be the leaf the world forgot to write poetry about 🎵
Shaq (pressing down the soil)
That’s the strongest thing we’ve done all trip.
Youn Yuh-jung
Peace doesn’t always roar. Sometimes, it grows slowly. With dirt under your fingernails.
🎬 Scene 5: Helicopter Back to Pyongyang – Final Thoughts
(Inside the chopper. The mountains fade into clouds. The group sits mostly silent, staring out windows, the sea glinting below.)
Conan
You know, I came here expecting propaganda. Fear. Weird food. I didn’t expect… grace.
Emma
Same. I thought I was visiting a place stuck in time. Turns out, time moves differently when you don’t talk over it.
Trevor
I’ll carry this trip forever. Not because it was perfect. But because it was honest in ways it didn’t mean to be.
Ken Jeong
We laughed. They smiled. That was the exchange rate.
Shaq
Forget diplomacy. Give me campfires and ball games. That’s where peace lives.
Margot
If we plant enough memories in enough places… maybe the world becomes less lonely.
Jack Black (softly humming)
🎵 Mountains may forget our names… but they’ll remember our echoes 🎵
Youn Yuh-jung (eyes closed)
This mountain will outlive all our nations. But maybe… it will remember the day laughter touched its silence.
Bonus: Burgers, Karaoke, and a Moment of Humanity
🎬 Scene: The Private Banquet at the Kumsusan Guest House
(The group is whisked off in black Mercedes vans to an ornate marble compound. Inside, chandeliers sparkle and a long table is set with… burgers, fries, and kimchi. At the head of the table stands Kim Jong Un, flanked by stone-faced advisors — until he smiles.)
Kim Jong Un (warmly, in English)
Welcome, friends. Today, no politics. Just… hamburger diplomacy.
Conan O’Brien (whispering to Trevor)
I suddenly feel like I’m in a Wes Anderson Cold War comedy.
Shaquille O’Neal
This man just earned my respect with this cheeseburger.
Kim Jong Un (gesturing at Shaq)
We admire your basketball legacy. I learned the hook shot by watching… blurry VHS.
Jack Black (raising cup of corn tea)
To blurry diplomacy!
Ken Jeong
Can we acknowledge how surreal this is? We’re eating McKim burgers with a guy who controls nukes and karaoke machines.
Emma Stone
Is this… normal?
Margot Robbie
I don’t think “normal” applies anymore.
🎬 Scene: Private Karaoke Lounge — “Juche Idol”
(After dinner, Kim waves them into a glitter-covered lounge. Suddenly, Jack Black grabs a mic and bursts into “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Shaq claps in rhythm. Kim taps his foot — then grabs a second mic.)
Kim Jong Un (singing with Jack)
🎵 Woah-oh, we’re halfway there… 🎵
🎵 Woah-oh, Juche in the air! 🎵
Trevor Noah (filming discreetly)
No one will believe this happened.
Youn Yuh-jung (to Emma, sipping plum wine)
This is the strangest peace summit in Korean history. But perhaps… the most honest.
Ken Jeong (laughing through tears)
What if world peace was just one bizarre group hug away?
🎬 Scene: Late-Night Dessert & Unexpected Conversation
(Over shaved ice and ginseng tea, the mood softens. Conan sits beside Kim. Not joking. Just… listening.)
Conan
Can I ask something real?
Kim Jong Un (nods)
Yes.
Conan
Do you ever get tired of being seen as a symbol, and not as a person?
Kim (pauses)
Every day. But in this room… I feel something else. Like… if history blinked, we might have all been friends in a college dorm.
Shaq
With me as your RA. And Jack as your roommate who never does dishes.
Kim (smiling)
Then I’d forgive him… for a song.
🎬 Scene: Outside by the Fountain — The Moment of Humanity
(The group walks outside under stars. The mansion lights glow. For a moment, it’s quiet.)
Emma
This doesn’t change the world. But maybe it changes… us.
Margot
Maybe it plants something.
Trevor
Like that peace tree in Mt. Kumgang… but more chaotic.
Jack Black (quietly humming)
🎵 If we laugh long enough, maybe fear walks away… 🎵
Conan (looking back at Kim)
I don’t know what tomorrow brings. But tonight, we weren’t enemies. We were just people — weird, funny, confused… and trying.
Kim Jong Un (quietly)
Then let us try again tomorrow.
Final Note (Camera fades out, text on screen):
"In a world where fear shouts loudly, laughter can still whisper something true."
Final Thoughts by Conan O’Brien
(Back on the beach at dusk, barefoot, holding his shoes and looking out over the calm sea)
We came here as walking contradictions: a redhead in the land of conformity, a roomful of loud laughter in a place known for silence. We bowed at statues. We ate barbecued duck under surveillance. We played basketball where diplomacy fails. And somehow — despite all of it — we felt something human break through.”
“It’s easy to look at North Korea and only see walls. But if you squint — past the slogans and the structure — you see flickers: a child’s grin, a monk’s quiet nod, a shared laugh in a camp conga line.”
“No, we didn’t change the world. We just showed up. Open, ridiculous, respectful, and real. And sometimes… that’s enough to remind the world — and ourselves — that peace might not start in a treaty. It might start in a song.
Short Bios:
Conan O’Brien: American late-night host and writer known for self-deprecating humor, remote travel specials, and a 28-year career spanning NBC and TBS.
Jack Black: Energetic actor-musician, front man of Tenacious D, famed for comedic roles in School of Rock, Jumanji, and voice work in Kung Fu Panda.
Shaquille O’Neal: Four-time NBA champion and Hall-of-Famer, now a sports analyst, entrepreneur, and larger-than-life media personality.
Margot Robbie: Australian actress-producer acclaimed for I, Tonya, Barbie, and Babylon, noted for versatility and LuckyChap Entertainment productions.
Emma Stone: Oscar-winning American actress known for La La Land, The Favourite, and comedic work in Easy A and Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Trevor Noah: South African comedian, author of Born a Crime, and former host of The Daily Show, celebrated for global political insight.
Ken Jeong: Korean-American physician-turned-actor, breakout star of The Hangover trilogy, creator of Dr. Ken, and popular panelist on The Masked Singer.
Youn Yuh-jung: Veteran South Korean actress, first Korean to win an Academy Award (Minari), revered for candid wit and six-decade screen career.
Alejandro Cao de Benós: Spanish honorary delegate for North Korea’s cultural relations committee, bilingual liaison guiding foreign visitors inside the DPRK.
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