Ultimate 5-Day Germany Adventure with Conan: Castles & Chaos

Camera zooms in on Conan O’Brien standing in front of the Brandenburg Gate, wearing a slightly wrinkled blazer, looking excited but slightly overwhelmed. The crowd bustles around him, and a street musician plays a melancholic violin tune in the background.

Conan O’Brien:  (dramatic voice) “Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to what will undoubtedly be the most glorious, educational, and wildly inappropriate trip through Germany ever attempted by an American talk show host with zero knowledge of history, culture, or how to pronounce ‘Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte.’”

(pauses, squints at a tourist eating cake nearby, then turns to camera)

Conan O’Brien: “That’s Black Forest cake, right? No? Ah, moving on.”

(The camera pans out, revealing the massive grandeur of Berlin, the historic buildings, and a very confused group of tourists watching Conan speak into an invisible microphone.)

Conan O’Brien: “Now, folks, Germany is famous for many things: beer, castles, cars, ridiculously complicated words, and, most importantly, people who look at me like I should not be allowed in their country.”

(Gestures toward a German grandmother giving him a suspicious glare.)

Conan O’Brien: “Ma’am, I promise, I come in peace.”

(Clears throat, regains composure.)

Conan O’Brien: “But let’s be real—Germany is also home to some of the most breathtaking cities, fascinating history, and enough food to turn my stomach into a physics experiment. So, to help me make sense of all this, I have assembled the most fun-loving, culturally inappropriate, and possibly dangerous crew to travel with me.”

(The camera cuts to a montage of the celebrity guest lineup, set to dramatic orchestral music:)

• Day 1 – Berlin: John Oliver smirks in front of the Berlin Wall. Tina Fey takes notes like she’s writing a history book. Elyas M’Barek looks effortlessly cool. A mysterious tour guide gestures dramatically at an underground tunnel entrance.
• Day 2 – Dresden & Leipzig: Jack Black dressed as Bach, screaming at a choir. Kristen Bell gasping at medieval architecture. Jan Böhmermann plotting a prank.
• Day 3 – Munich: Ryan Reynolds roasting Conan’s lederhosen. Jennifer Lawrence spilling beer at Hofbräuhaus. Matthias Schweighöfer teaching Conan how to survive Oktoberfest.
• Day 4 – Neuschwanstein & Romantic Road: Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson trying to fit inside a tiny medieval doorway. Emma Stone pretending to be a lost fairy tale princess. Joko Winterscheidt handing Conan an absurd Bavarian hat.
• Day 5 – Frankfurt & Rhine Valley: Will Ferrell trying to buy a castle. Sandra Bullock effortlessly speaking German. Til Schweiger shaking his head at the entire situation.

(Back to Conan, now dramatically posing in front of a map of Germany.)

Conan O’Brien: “So buckle up, my friends! In the next five days, we will laugh, we will cry, we will get extremely full on pretzels, and at some point, I will absolutely embarrass myself in front of an entire beer hall.”

(Pauses, looks off to the side, then whispers to the camera.)

Conan O’Brien: “Also, there is a very real chance that I will be arrested for something Jack Black does. Just a heads-up.”

(Claps hands together, straightens up.)

Conan O’Brien: “So let’s get started—welcome to Germany: The Conan O’Brien Experiment. May God help us all.”

(Cue theme music. The adventure begins.)

Day 1: Berlin’s Historic Heart – Iconic Landmarks, Cold War Secrets & Skyline Views

(Brandenburg Gate, Reichstag, Berlin Wall, and more!)

Featuring:

• Conan O’Brien – Tall, awkward, but full of charm.
• John Oliver – British wit, loves political satire.
• Tina Fey – Queen of snark, always one step ahead.
• Elyas M’Barek – German heartthrob, knows the best local spots.
• Secretive Tour Guide – A former East Berlin resident with wild stories.

Scene 1: Brandenburg Gate – The Grand Entrance

The morning sun casts long shadows over the Brandenburg Gate, its sandstone arches glowing under the golden light. The air is crisp, and a light breeze rustles through the towering columns. A group of tourists snaps selfies while a street musician plays a melancholic violin tune nearby.

Conan O’Brien:  (stretching his arms) "Ah, nothing like standing in front of a 250-year-old gate to remind me how young and irrelevant I am."

John Oliver:  (adjusting his glasses) "Oh, come on, Conan. This gate has seen wars, revolutions, and the collapse of the Berlin Wall. You just need a few more bad career choices to match its drama."

Tina Fey:  (pointing at a group of tourists taking pictures) "If we stand still long enough, I bet we’ll end up in the background of at least 50 vacation albums."

Elyas M’Barek:  (grinning) "Welcome to Berlin, where history stares at you from every corner, and we pretend our public transportation is always on time."

A few pigeons flutter onto the cobblestone plaza, pecking at crumbs. A German woman walks by, sipping an espresso, exuding effortless cool.

Tour Guide:  (whispering conspiratorially) "Did you know, before Napoleon stole the Quadriga statue on top, Berliners believed it granted wishes?"

Conan O’Brien: "Wait, so you’re saying if I touch it, I might finally get my own German fan club?"

John Oliver: "Oh yes, Conan. That’s exactly how historical artifacts work—just rub them like a magic lamp."

Scene 2: Reichstag Building – Glass Dome with a View

Inside the Reichstag’s glass dome, sunlight filters through the spiraling ramp, reflecting off polished steel. The cityscape of Berlin stretches out below—modern skyscrapers mixed with remnants of the past.

Tina Fey:  (admiring the view) "I feel like we’re inside a giant hamster wheel for intellectuals."

Conan O’Brien: "Yeah, but with way better ventilation."

Elyas M’Barek: "This dome was built as a symbol of transparency for democracy. It’s supposed to remind politicians that people are always watching them."

John Oliver: "Right. Because politicians are famously motivated by guilt and shame."

A group of schoolchildren giggles nearby as their teacher gestures toward the historic parliament hall below.

Tour Guide: "Back in the day, someone once broke in here and cooked sausages on the official government grill."

Conan O’Brien: "I suddenly have a new life goal."

Scene 3: Berlin Wall & East Side Gallery – Art Meets History

Walking along the East Side Gallery, the group admires the vibrant graffiti—some political, some whimsical, all bursting with raw energy. The scent of spray paint still lingers faintly in the air.

Tina Fey:  (pointing at a mural) "Wow, this one looks like my tax bill fighting my will to live."

John Oliver: "Berlin’s art scene is either the most profound or just people venting existential dread. Either way, I approve."

Elyas M’Barek: "The Berlin Wall fell in 1989, but bits of it still stand as a reminder. Here, people express freedom through art instead of bricks."

Conan O’Brien:  (posing dramatically) "I shall now contribute my own artistic masterpiece."

He pulls out a tiny sticky note, writes "Team Coco Was Here," and sticks it on the wall.

Tour Guide: "You know, that’s probably illegal."

John Oliver: "And yet, somehow, this is still the least controversial thing Conan has ever done in Germany."

A street performer dressed as an old East German guard stands nearby, offering fake passport stamps to tourists.

Tina Fey: "Okay, but imagine if someone actually tried to use this at the airport?"

Conan O’Brien:  (handing over his passport) "Let’s find out."

Scene 4: Checkpoint Charlie – The Spy Thriller Moment

The group arrives at Checkpoint Charlie, where actors dressed as border guards stand next to the famous guardhouse. The scent of pretzels and sausages drifts from a nearby street vendor.

John Oliver:  (reading a sign) "‘You are now leaving the American sector.’ Ah, a reminder that bureaucracy can still be dramatic."

Tina Fey: "I bet if this were the Cold War, Conan would have been recruited as the worst spy ever."

Conan O’Brien: "Nonsense! I would have blended in perfectly."

Elyas M’Barek: "Yeah, because a 6’4” American ginger is the definition of subtle."

A passing street vendor overhears and offers them all bratwurst.

Tour Guide:  (handing Conan a sausage) "The best-kept secret? The real spies never used Checkpoint Charlie. They used tunnels, bribes, and clever disguises."

John Oliver: "See, Conan? You could’ve been a terrible spy and a mediocre tunnel digger."

Conan O’Brien:  (biting into his bratwurst) "Or a legendary smuggler of sausages across enemy lines."

Scene 5: TV Tower – Ending with a View

From the top of the Berlin TV Tower, the city glows under the sunset. The horizon stretches endlessly, and tiny yellow lights flicker on like stars across the streets.

Tina Fey: "This is amazing. It’s like standing in the clouds… if the clouds also had a rotating bar."

Conan O’Brien:  (raising his drink) "To Berlin: A city with more history than I have dignity."

John Oliver: "To Conan: A man who now believes he single-handedly rebuilt the Berlin Wall with his terrible jokes."

Elyas M’Barek:  (laughing) "Welcome to Germany, my friend."

As the sun sets behind the Brandenburg Gate in the distance, the group clinks their glasses, ready for the next adventure.

Day 2: Dresden & Leipzig’s Cultural Gems – Baroque Palaces, Music Legends & Riverside Strolls

(Baroque beauty, music legends, and wild cultural detours)

Featuring:

• Conan O’Brien – Tall, awkward, and ready to misinterpret German culture.
• Jack Black – Uncontainable energy, prone to spontaneous musical numbers.
• Kristen Bell – Enthusiastic, emotionally invested in history.
• Jan Böhmermann (Local Star) – Germany’s king of satire, loves pranking.
• Secretive Tour Guide – A former opera singer with VIP access to places they definitely shouldn’t be in.

Scene 1: Zwinger Palace – Baroque Drama and Broken Statues

The Zwinger Palace stands in all its Baroque glory—elegant sandstone curves, grand archways, and fountains that sparkle under the morning sun. The scent of damp stone and fresh pastries drifts through the air.

Conan O’Brien:  (staring at the palace) "Okay, I feel like this place was built specifically to make me feel underdressed."

Jack Black:  (spinning in circles) "I CAN HEAR THE MUSIC OF THE ARCHITECTURE!"

Kristen Bell: "This is so beautiful. It’s like walking into an 18th-century fever dream."

Jan Böhmermann: "Fun fact: They actually threw massive parties here. Imagine the biggest, most extravagant ball—then imagine someone definitely getting too drunk and falling into a fountain."

Conan O’Brien: "So, basically, the 18th-century version of my college years."

Tour Guide:  (whispering) "They say if you stand still here at night, you can hear echoes of Mozart’s music."

Jack Black:  (dramatically throwing his arms up) "THEN LET ME SING TO THE ECHOES!"

He belts out an improvised opera piece at full volume. Tourists stop. A pigeon flutters away in terror. A security guard starts walking toward them.

Kristen Bell:  (grabbing Jack’s arm) "RUN!"

Scene 2: Frauenkirche – A Symbol of Resilience

The Frauenkirche dominates the skyline, its sandstone dome reconstructed from the ruins of WWII. The air is solemn, filled with the faint sound of organ music inside.

Kristen Bell:  (whispering) "It’s amazing they rebuilt this from the original stones after the war."

Jan Böhmermann: "Yes, and they made sure some of the burned black stones were left in the walls—to remind everyone of the past."

Conan O’Brien: "Germany: where even the architecture has emotional depth."

Jack Black:  (muttering to himself) "No jokes. No jokes. Stay respectful…"

Kristen Bell: "Jack, you’re shaking."

Jack Black: "I just… I NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE ORGAN SOUNDS LIKE!"

As if on cue, the massive pipe organ roars to life. Deep, thunderous notes fill the church, vibrating through the stone walls.

Conan O’Brien: "I think I just heard the voice of God tell me I need to moisturize more."

Scene 3: Brühl's Terrace & Elbe River – ‘Florence on the Elbe’

A stone balcony overlooking the Elbe River, the city’s pastel-colored rooftops stretching out beyond. The sun is warm, and a street musician strums a guitar near a flower stall.

Jan Böhmermann: "This is called the ‘Balcony of Europe.’"

Kristen Bell: "I get it. This view is postcard-worthy."

Conan O’Brien: "If this is the balcony, where’s the rest of the house?"

Jack Black:  (pointing to the sky) "MORE IMPORTANT QUESTION: CAN WE JUMP INTO THE RIVER FROM HERE?"

Tour Guide:  (casually) "Oh, people have. But the current is strong, so… not advisable."

Conan O’Brien: "Jack, I swear, if you start unbuttoning your shirt—"

Jack Black: "FINE. I’LL SAVE IT FOR MUNICH."

Scene 4: Leipzig – The City of Music and Mischief

After a quick train ride, they arrive in Leipzig, where the streets are lined with bookshops, students on bicycles, and cafés buzzing with conversation.

Kristen Bell: "Okay, Leipzig is way cooler than I expected."

Jan Böhmermann: "This is where Bach lived and worked. Also, Wagner was born here, but Leipzig refuses to make a big deal about it."

Conan O’Brien: "That’s… the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. I love it."

Scene 5: St. Thomas Church – The Bach Moment

Inside St. Thomas Church, where Johann Sebastian Bach worked as a choir director, the sound of a choral rehearsal fills the air—angelic, ethereal, spine-chillingly beautiful.

Jack Black:  (whispering intensely) "I HAVE NEVER WANTED TO BECOME A CHOIR BOY MORE IN MY LIFE."

Kristen Bell: "You’re 54 years old, Jack."

Jan Böhmermann: "Bach is buried right here. If we sing badly enough, maybe his ghost will scold us."

Jack Black, without hesitation, dramatically throws himself onto the floor in front of Bach’s tomb.

Jack Black:  (yelling) "BACH, I AM BUT A HUMBLE SERVANT OF MUSIC! GRANT ME YOUR POWER!"

A priest walks by, raising an eyebrow.

Conan O’Brien: "Jack, I don’t think this is how you become a musical genius."

Priest:  (deadpan) "Actually, this is the correct Leipzig ritual. Carry on."

Scene 6: Old Town & Market Square – Pretzels and Chaos

The cobblestone streets are lined with medieval buildings, bustling cafés, and street performers. The smell of fresh pretzels and roasting nuts fills the air.

Kristen Bell:  (taking a bite) "THIS. IS. THE. BEST. PRETZEL."

Jack Black:  (muffled) "MARRYYYY MEEE, LEIPZIG BAKERY LADY."

Conan O’Brien: "I think this is what happiness tastes like."

Jan Böhmermann, meanwhile, is grinning at a nearby souvenir stall. He casually hands Conan a gift-wrapped package.

Conan O’Brien: "Awww, a gift? For me?"

He unwraps it. Inside is a tiny Bach wig.

Jan Böhmermann: "You’re officially part of the Leipzig music scene now."

Jack Black:  (gasping) "WE HAVE TO WEAR THESE WHILE SINGING IN THE STREETS."

Five minutes later, the group is standing in the middle of Market Square, wearing ridiculous powdered wigs, singing an off-key version of Ode to Joy while a confused accordion player tries to keep up.

Final Scene: The Train to Munich

As the train speeds through the German countryside, the group is sprawled out in their seats, exhausted from a day of chaos and culture.

Kristen Bell:  (yawning) "That was… amazing."

Conan O’Brien:  (half-asleep) "I think I accidentally became a Bach scholar today."

Jack Black:  (snoring) "Zzz… MUSICAL… Zzz… WIIIIGS…"

Jan Böhmermann:  (smirking) "Just wait till we get to Bavaria. You guys aren’t ready for lederhosen."

They clink their beer glasses together, ready for the next adventure.

Day 3: Munich’s Bavarian Spirit – Royal Palaces, Beer Halls & Surfer Waves

(Beer halls, royal palaces, and lederhosen chaos!)

Featuring:

• Conan O’Brien – Irish-American comedian, ready to butcher German traditions.
• Ryan Reynolds – King of sarcasm, here to roast Conan at every turn.
• Jennifer Lawrence – Clumsy, hilarious, and will absolutely drink too much beer.
• Matthias Schweighöfer (Local Star) – Germany’s action-comedy sweetheart, smooth and effortlessly cool.
• Secretive Tour Guide – A retired Oktoberfest drinking champion who knows every secret tunnel under Munich.

Scene 1: Marienplatz – The Glockenspiel Spectacle

The group stands in the heart of Munich at Marienplatz, the city’s iconic square. The gothic New Town Hall looms over them, its intricate spires casting long shadows on the cobblestone ground. The smell of fresh pretzels and roasting nuts fills the crisp morning air. A crowd gathers as the famous Glockenspiel begins its mechanical dance—colorful figurines twirling high above.

Ryan Reynolds:  (squinting at the Glockenspiel) "So let me get this straight. Every day, tourists gather here to watch little wooden puppets… spin?"

Conan O’Brien: "Ryan, don’t mock it. This is the most important tradition in Bavaria. They literally built this town hall just for the Glockenspiel."

Matthias Schweighöfer: "That is absolutely not true."

Jennifer Lawrence:  (whispering) "Am I the only one expecting the puppets to suddenly attack us? Too many horror movies."

As the figures finish their dance, the bells chime, and the crowd cheers.

Tour Guide: "Legend has it that if you don’t watch the Glockenspiel at least once, you aren’t officially in Munich."

Ryan Reynolds: "Oh, in that case, let’s pretend this never happened and just say we’re in Zurich."

Scene 2: Nymphenburg Palace – Royal Affairs & Bad Decisions

The Nymphenburg Palace stretches across a vast garden, its grand Baroque facade shimmering under the midday sun. The air smells of blooming flowers and freshly cut grass. Swans glide across the pond in front of the palace, looking impossibly elegant.

Jennifer Lawrence:  (pointing at the swans) "See, that’s the level of grace I aim for. And yet, I trip over my own shoelaces every day."

Conan O’Brien: "Fun fact: This was the summer palace of the Bavarian kings. Which means if I lived here, I’d only have to rule when it was warm."

Matthias Schweighöfer: "Another fun fact: One of Bavaria’s kings, Ludwig II, was obsessed with building castles. He literally bankrupted himself making them fancier."

Ryan Reynolds:  (grinning) "So, basically the original ‘spending all your money on home decor’ guy?"

Tour Guide:  (lowering voice) "If you guys want to see something secret, there’s a hidden passage under the palace that leads to the hunting lodge."

Conan O’Brien: "How do you know this?"

Tour Guide: "Let’s just say I have… friends in weird places."

Scene 3: English Garden – Surfing in the City

The English Garden is alive with joggers, picnic-goers, and locals sprawled out on the grass under the afternoon sun. Nearby, at the Eisbach River, a crowd has gathered to watch surfers take on the standing wave, a bizarre sight in the middle of a city.

Jennifer Lawrence:  (gasping) "Wait. HOLD UP. People are surfing in a river?"

Matthias Schweighöfer:  (grinning) "Yep. Only in Munich."

Ryan Reynolds: "That’s it. I need to see Conan try this."

Conan O’Brien:  (backing away) "Absolutely not. I have the balance of a drunk giraffe on roller skates."

Tour Guide:  (handing Conan a wetsuit) "The only way to become Bavarian is to ride the wave."

A moment later, Conan wobbles onto a surfboard. The second he touches the wave, he is immediately flung sideways, crashing into the water while the crowd erupts in laughter.

Jennifer Lawrence:  (crying-laughing) "I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER."

Ryan Reynolds:  (filming on his phone) "This is my new lock screen."

Scene 4: BMW Welt – Conan’s New Career as a Test Driver?

Inside BMW Welt, the air smells of new leather and polished chrome. Sleek luxury cars gleam under spotlights, their engines humming softly.

Jennifer Lawrence:  (running her hand over a car) "I feel richer just standing here."

Matthias Schweighöfer: "This is where BMW shows off its most advanced cars. You can even test drive one."

Ryan Reynolds:  (pointing at Conan) "I think Conan should test one."

Conan O’Brien: "No way. The last time I test-drove a sports car, I hit a mailbox. And I wasn’t even driving."

Five minutes later, Conan is sitting behind the wheel of a BMW M8, looking terrified while a BMW rep gives instructions.

BMW Rep: "Now, accelerate gently—"

Conan accidentally floors it. The tires screech, the car jerks forward, and everyone screams as he narrowly avoids a wall.

Jennifer Lawrence:  (clutching her seatbelt) "THIS WAS A MISTAKE."

Ryan Reynolds: "I’m rewriting my will."

Tour Guide: "Conan, you’re not supposed to drive like an action hero!"

Conan, sweating, slowly pulls back into the parking spot.

Conan O’Brien: "…I think I need a beer."

Scene 5: Hofbräuhaus – The Beer Hall Madness

The legendary Hofbräuhaus is packed—long wooden tables stretch across the hall, steins of golden beer slamming onto surfaces as laughter and traditional Bavarian music fill the air. The scent of roasted pork, pretzels, and hops is intoxicating.

Ryan Reynolds:  (lifting his beer) "Finally. The moment we’ve all been waiting for."

Jennifer Lawrence:  (already halfway through a pretzel) "I regret NOTHING."

Matthias Schweighöfer:  (handing Conan a liter of beer) "Welcome to Bavaria. You don’t leave until this is empty."

Conan O’Brien: "This is the size of my head."

Nearby, a group of locals in full lederhosen raises their mugs and starts singing a rowdy drinking song.

Tour Guide: "You guys are in trouble now. If they sing, you have to sing back."

Ryan Reynolds: "Oh, I got this."

He stands up, dramatically puts one foot on the bench, and starts belting out a ridiculous, made-up drinking song.

Ryan Reynolds:  (singing) "OHHH, THIS BEER IS MIGHTY FINE, LET’S DRINK UNTIL WE CAN’T WALK IN A STRAIGHT LINE!"

The entire beer hall erupts in applause. Conan is in tears laughing. Jennifer is clapping like an excited toddler. Matthias cheers as a waiter brings more beer.

Final Scene: Midnight in Munich

The streets are quiet as they walk (or rather, stumble) back toward their hotel. The cool night air is refreshing, the lights of Munich twinkling above.

Conan O’Brien: "Okay. That was officially the best beer of my life."

Jennifer Lawrence:  (leaning on him) "And the best night ever."

Ryan Reynolds: "Next stop: Neuschwanstein Castle. Where Conan will absolutely trip on a staircase and accidentally declare himself King of Bavaria."

They all laugh, ready for the next adventure.

Day 4: Neuschwanstein & the Romantic Road – Fairy Tale Castles, Medieval Towns & Scenic Drives

(A fairy tale castle, medieval villages, and absolute chaos in Bavaria!)

Featuring:

• Conan O’Brien – A 6'4" American ginger who looks wildly out of place in a fairy tale setting.
• Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson – The most muscular man ever to walk into a castle.
• Emma Stone – The perfect mix of charm, wit, and chaotic energy.
• Joko Winterscheidt (Local Star) – Germany’s biggest prankster TV host, here to make sure Conan suffers.
• Secretive Tour Guide – A Bavarian knight reenactor who takes his role way too seriously.

Scene 1: The Road to Neuschwanstein – Conan vs. The Lederhosen

The Bavarian countryside stretches before them—rolling green hills, wooden farmhouses with flower-covered balconies, and the occasional cow lazily chewing grass. The crisp mountain air smells like fresh pine and baked bread from a distant village.

Conan O’Brien:  (adjusting his seatbelt) "So, why do I feel like today is the day I either become Bavarian royalty or break my ankle?"

The Rock: "It’s because this place looks like it was designed by Disney. If you mess this up, you ruin childhood dreams for millions of people."

Emma Stone:  (scrolling through her phone) "Fun fact: Neuschwanstein was literally the inspiration for Cinderella’s castle. Ludwig II went broke making it ridiculously fancy."

Joko Winterscheidt:  (grinning) "Oh, it gets better. If you’re really serious about becoming Bavarian royalty, you have to wear proper attire."

A moment later, Joko pulls out a bag and dramatically reveals… lederhosen.

Conan O’Brien:  (horrified) "Oh no. No, no, no. I am NOT wearing leather shorts in public."

The Rock:  (grinning) "I second this idea."

Emma Stone:  (mocking) "Conan, this is your only chance to look like a German prince. Don’t waste it."

A few minutes later, Conan steps out of the van wearing full Bavarian lederhosen—embroidered suspenders, knee-high socks, and a tiny green hat with a feather.

Conan O’Brien:  (deadpan) "I look like a confused Austrian child at Oktoberfest."

Joko Winterscheidt:  (barely containing his laughter) "This is the best day of my life."

Scene 2: Neuschwanstein Castle – A Fairy Tale Gone Wrong

Neuschwanstein Castle rises in the mist, its white towers piercing the sky like something out of a dream. The mountains loom dramatically behind it, and the air smells of damp stone and fresh mountain air.

Emma Stone:  (spinning in circles) "I swear, I’m in a real-life fairy tale right now."

The Rock:  (nodding) "This is exactly where I’d build my villain lair."

Conan O’Brien:  (trying to climb the castle stairs in lederhosen) "Okay, this is impossible. Why did people in the 1800s build stairs meant for goats?!"

Joko Winterscheidt: "Because Ludwig II didn’t want peasants to visit. And you, Conan, are currently the closest thing to a peasant in this castle."

A group of tourists walks by, staring at Conan’s lederhosen. A little girl whispers something to her mom and points at him.

Emma Stone:  (giggling) "She just asked her mom if you’re the castle jester."

Conan O’Brien:  (dramatic sigh) "Honestly? That’s the most accurate job title I’ve ever had."

Scene 3: Inside the Castle – Where the Madness Begins

The tour takes them through grand halls, ornate gold ceilings, and rooms filled with massive paintings of knights, legends, and battles. The scent of old wood and history lingers in the air.

Tour Guide:  (in full knight armor) "King Ludwig II designed this castle to be his personal fantasy retreat. He loved Wagner’s operas, so he decorated his bedroom like a medieval throne room."

The Rock: "So, basically, Ludwig II was the original hardcore Disney adult."

Joko Winterscheidt:  (mock whispering) "And legend says… if you sit on his throne, you officially become King of Bavaria."

Conan O’Brien:  (eyes widening) "Wait. What?!"

A second later, Conan lunges toward the throne—only to be tackled by The Rock before he can sit down.

The Rock: "NO. We are NOT starting an international incident!"

Emma Stone:  (laughing hysterically) "Conan, you were this close to being arrested in a fairy tale castle!"

Scene 4: Rothenburg ob der Tauber – A Time Travel Experience

After a scenic drive along the Romantic Road, the group arrives at Rothenburg ob der Tauber—a medieval town straight out of a fantasy novel. Timber-framed houses, cobblestone streets, and ancient city walls make it feel like they’ve traveled back in time.

Emma Stone:  (wide-eyed) "This is the cutest town I’ve ever seen. I want to live here and bake bread forever."

Joko Winterscheidt: "Fun fact: People literally come here just to feel like they’re inside a Christmas movie."

Conan O’Brien:  (pointing at a bakery) "Speaking of Christmas, I see something that requires my immediate attention."

A few minutes later, Conan emerges from a bakery holding a giant Schneeball—a famous German pastry made of deep-fried dough, covered in sugar.

The Rock:  (raising an eyebrow) "That thing is bigger than your head."

Emma Stone: "I dare you to eat it all in one bite."

Conan O’Brien:  (mouth full, struggling to chew) "Mmmmph!"

Joko Winterscheidt: "This is how history books will remember him—Conan O’Brien, choked to death on a medieval dessert."

Scene 5: The Medieval Crime Museum – Learning from History

The group wanders into the Medieval Crime Museum, a place filled with ancient torture devices and bizarre laws from the Middle Ages. The dim lighting and old parchment scrolls give the place an eerie atmosphere.

The Rock:  (pointing at an iron mask) "This was used for public shaming. They’d make people wear it in town if they committed a crime."

Emma Stone:  (grinning) "Conan, I think we found your new outfit."

Joko Winterscheidt: "Actually, Bavaria still has some weird laws. Did you know it’s illegal to sing on a public train if someone complains?"

Conan O’Brien:  (gasps) "Wait… I CAN’T sing my famous version of ‘Ode to Joy’ on the train back?"

Tour Guide: "Well… only if no one complains."

Cue Conan dramatically warming up his vocal cords as the group rushes to stop him.

Final Scene: Sunset Over Bavaria

As the sun sets over the countryside, the sky turns into a blend of deep oranges and purples. The castle glows in the fading light, looking more magical than ever.

Emma Stone:  (sighing) "This place really is a dream."

The Rock: "Not bad for a guy who built a castle just to live out his fantasy king dreams."

Conan O’Brien: "If I ever build my own castle, I want a throne room, a dungeon for my worst jokes, and a full-time Schneeball baker."

Joko Winterscheidt: "And, of course, a Royal Bavarian Jester Suit."

They all laugh, clinking their beer mugs together, ready for their next adventure.

Day 5: Frankfurt & the Rhine Valley – Skyline Panoramas, Vineyards & River Castles

(Skyscrapers, medieval castles, wine tastings, and inevitable disaster!)

Featuring:

• Conan O’Brien – Tall, awkward, and about to mispronounce every German wine name.
• Will Ferrell – A human tornado of absurdity, guaranteed to make things weird.
• Sandra Bullock – Fluent in German, effortlessly cool, and ready to keep everyone in check.
• Til Schweiger (Local Star) – Germany’s biggest action-comedy actor, known for looking effortlessly tough but also being ridiculously funny.
• Secretive Tour Guide – A wine connoisseur banned from multiple vineyards for “over-enthusiasm.”

Scene 1: Römerberg – A Touch of Old Frankfurt

The group stands in Römerberg, Frankfurt’s picturesque old town square, surrounded by timber-framed buildings straight out of a fairy tale. The morning sun casts golden hues over the cobblestone streets, and the smell of fresh-baked pretzels fills the crisp air.

Conan O’Brien:  (spinning around) "Wait… Frankfurt actually has charming old stuff? I thought this place was all business and stock markets."

Sandra Bullock: "Oh yeah, before all the skyscrapers, Frankfurt had knights, markets, and—"

Will Ferrell:  (interrupting) "DRAGONS. We must not forget the dragons."

Til Schweiger:  (grinning) "Yeah, Will, totally. They kept the dragons on the 24th floor of the Deutsche Bank tower."

Tour Guide:  (dead serious) "Actually, medieval Frankfurt had a ‘Fool’s Tower’ where misbehaving people were locked up."

Conan O’Brien: "If I had a euro for every time someone told me I belong in a Fool’s Tower…"

Will Ferrell:  (puts an arm around Conan) "We ride at dawn, fellow jesters!"

Scene 2: Main Tower – A View from the Top

The elevator whooshes up Main Tower, Frankfurt’s tallest observation deck. As the doors open, the entire city unfolds below—glass skyscrapers reflecting the morning sun, the winding Main River, and tiny boats drifting below.

Conan O’Brien:  (pressing his hands to the glass) "I feel like King Kong, except instead of climbing this tower, I took an elevator like a responsible citizen."

Will Ferrell: "That’s weak. If I had my way, we’d have parachuted onto this roof."

Sandra Bullock:  (rolling her eyes) "And who would have survived that?"

Til Schweiger:  (shrugging) "Not Conan."

Conan O’Brien: "EXACTLY."

Scene 3: Städel Museum – Where Conan Becomes ‘Cultured’

Inside the Städel Museum, the air is thick with hushed voices and the scent of old books and oil paint. Sunlight filters through massive windows, illuminating masterpieces from Rembrandt to Picasso.

Conan O’Brien:  (staring at a painting) "I call this piece ‘Guy Who’s Judging Me For Not Understanding Art.’"

Sandra Bullock: "That’s a Rembrandt, Conan."

Will Ferrell: "I don’t get it. Why isn’t anyone in these paintings wearing Hawaiian shirts?"

Til Schweiger: "Because in the 1600s, people weren’t thinking about vacation. They were thinking about not dying of the plague."

Tour Guide: "This museum has one of the best art collections in Europe—"

Conan O’Brien:  (gasps) "WAIT. They have self-portraits of Van Gogh?! I need to compare how we both rock the ‘tall ginger disaster’ aesthetic!"

Five minutes later, Conan is standing next to Van Gogh’s self-portrait, dramatically mimicking his expression while security stares in horror.

Scene 4: Train to Rüdesheim – Wine Country Awaits

The group boards a train toward Rüdesheim, the heart of Germany’s Rhine Valley wine region. Rolling green vineyards stretch for miles outside the window, castles perched on distant hills.

Will Ferrell:  (peering out) "Are we about to enter a storybook?"

Til Schweiger: "Just wait. Things get better with wine."

Conan O’Brien: "Or worse. It depends on who you’re drinking with."

Sandra Bullock: "If anyone here starts singing drinking songs, I’m leaving."

Cue Will Ferrell immediately launching into an exaggerated opera-style drinking song.

Tour Guide: "Too late, Sandra. This is your life now."

Scene 5: Rüdesheim – Where the Wine Flows Freely

Stepping into Rüdesheim, the air is thick with the scent of fermenting grapes. Cute half-timbered houses line the streets, and people laugh at outdoor wine gardens.

Tour Guide: "This town is famous for its Riesling wine. It’s light, fruity, and perfect for pretending you’re fancy."

Conan O’Brien: "I can totally pretend I’m fancy. Watch this."

He picks up a glass, swirls it dramatically, sniffs it like a sommelier, then takes a sip.

Conan O’Brien:  (coughing) "That’s a strong juice!"

Will Ferrell:  (grinning) "Bavaria broke him, but the wine country will finish the job."

Scene 6: Rhine River Cruise – Medieval Castles & Chaos

They board a Rhine River cruise, the boat gliding past ancient castles, misty hills, and picturesque villages. The sound of waves gently lapping against the boat is soothing.

Sandra Bullock:  (sipping her wine) "Okay, I admit it. This is perfect."

Will Ferrell:  (leaning over the railing) "How much do you think it’d cost to buy a castle?"

Til Schweiger: "Depends. Do you want a functional castle, or are you okay with a ‘roof optional’ situation?"

Conan O’Brien: "Can we pool our money together and buy a castle just for comedians?"

Tour Guide:  (nodding) "Funny you say that. There’s actually a castle near here that was once owned by an eccentric writer who hosted crazy parties for poets and artists."

Will Ferrell:  (gasps) "THAT’S OUR CASTLE."

Conan O’Brien: "Imagine the annual Conan & Will Medieval Comedy Festival!"

Final Scene: Sunset at a Vineyard

The group sits on a vineyard terrace, watching the sunset over the Rhine, the sky turning shades of gold and pink. The air is cool, and the last sip of Riesling lingers on their tongues.

Sandra Bullock:  (sighing) "This might actually be the most peaceful moment we’ve had all trip."

Til Schweiger: "See? Germany isn’t just beer and lederhosen."

Will Ferrell:  (grinning) "Well, now that we’ve calmed down, it’s time to go back to Munich and get kicked out of Oktoberfest!"

Conan O’Brien:  (groaning) "I knew this was too good to last…"

They laugh, clinking their glasses as the sun dips below the vineyards, their journey across Germany coming to a perfect, wine-filled close.

Final Reflection: Closing Thoughts on the Most Absurd Trip to Germany

Scene opens on a peaceful, dimly lit beer garden in Frankfurt. The air is crisp, the golden glow of lanterns reflects off the wooden tables, and in the background, the faint murmur of conversations blends with the distant sound of a street musician playing the accordion. The group sits around a table, exhausted but happy, their drinks half-finished, their plates filled with the remnants of their last German meal.

Conan O’Brien:  (leaning back, rubbing his face tiredly but with a smile)
“Well, folks… we did it. Five days. Five cities. No arrests. That’s a win in my book.”

(The camera cuts to Will Ferrell, who is clearly about to say something.)

Will Ferrell: “Technically, I was detained at that wine tasting—”

Sandra Bullock:  (cutting him off) “Shh. If we don’t talk about it, it never happened.”

(The group laughs, raising their glasses in agreement. The camera pans over their battle-worn expressions, showing Ryan Reynolds with beer foam still on his lip, Emma Stone wearing a souvenir Bavarian hat, and Jack Black still inexplicably holding a giant pretzel.)

Conan O’Brien:  (sighs dramatically)
“You know, I came to Germany with zero expectations—other than the fact that at some point, I would probably end up in lederhosen. And look at me now…”

(Gestures toward his crumpled, slightly beer-stained lederhosen, which is barely holding up after five days of chaos.)

Ryan Reynolds:  (smirking) “Yeah, Conan. Look at you now. A broken man. A changed man.”

Conan O’Brien: “You say that like I wasn’t already broken before this trip.”

(The camera cuts to a montage of the trip, narrated by Conan in voiceover, set to dramatic music that makes it sound way more profound than it actually was.)

Montage of Memories:

• Berlin: John Oliver gesturing at the Berlin Wall while Conan dramatically poses like he’s reenacting Cold War history.
• Dresden: Jack Black screaming at Bach’s tomb while Kristen Bell hides her face in embarrassment.
• Munich: Conan wiping out while trying to surf at the English Garden as Ryan Reynolds cries-laughing.
• Neuschwanstein Castle: The Rock carrying Conan like a damsel in distress after he trips on a medieval staircase.
• Rhine Valley: Will Ferrell in an argument with a vineyard owner about whether or not he’s legally allowed to buy a castle.

(Cut back to the beer garden, where everyone is still laughing over the memories.)

Final Thoughts from the Group

Emma Stone:  (smiling wistfully) “Honestly, I didn’t expect to love Germany this much. The castles, the history, the FOOD… I don’t want to leave.”

Sandra Bullock:  (nodding) “Agreed. And let’s be real, Conan, you crushed it in lederhosen.”

Conan O’Brien:  (grinning) “Thank you, Sandra. That means a lot, coming from someone who still has their dignity intact.”

Til Schweiger:  (laughing) “Not many people can say they conquered Germany in five days. But you? You somehow survived it.”

(Pause. Conan looks around at the group, his eyes glinting with mischief.)

Conan O’Brien: “You know what this means, right?”

(Everyone groans in anticipation, already knowing where this is going.)

The Rock:  (crossing his arms) “Oh no. No, Conan.”

Ryan Reynolds:  (deadpan) “We’re not doing Austria next.”

Jack Black:  (eyes lighting up) “BUT WHAT IF WE DID—”

(Sandra Bullock dramatically slams her drink on the table.)

Sandra Bullock: “NO. We are going home.”

(Beat. The camera zooms in on Conan’s face as he dramatically stares into the distance, clearly already plotting another international disaster.)

Final Toast & Farewell

As the group raises their glasses one last time, the camera pulls back, showing the warm glow of the beer garden and the Frankfurt skyline twinkling in the distance.

Conan O’Brien:  (lifting his glass) “To Germany: A country that survived two World Wars, the Berlin Wall, and… somehow… us.”

(The group erupts into laughter as they clink glasses. Fade to black. The words "To Be Continued…?" flash on screen.)

Post-Credits Scene: A Last-Minute Disaster

Cut to Frankfurt Airport. Conan is at security, wearing one of those ridiculous Bavarian feather hats.

TSA Agent:  (holding up Conan’s passport, squinting) “Sir, do you have anything to declare?”

*(Conan looks down. The camera zooms in on his bag, which is stuffed with pretzels, lederhosen, and an illegal amount of Schneeball pastries.)

Conan O’Brien:  (nervous laugh) “Uh… Friendship?”

(Hard cut to black. "END SCENE.")

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