Mark Gungor’s Be Attitudes: Expert Insights for a Stronger Marriage

I am beyond thrilled to introduce today’s conversation—a powerful and heartfelt discussion about the principles that can strengthen marriages and relationships, and truly transform them. We’re diving into what Mark Gungor calls the ‘Be Attitudes’ for marriage, a series of values that can bring love, peace, and joy into our most important relationships.

Now, joining us in this conversation, we have some extraordinary voices—leaders in relationship counseling, authors, and individuals who have helped millions strengthen their marriages. We’ve got Gary Chapman, the brilliant mind behind The 5 Love Languages, here to share his wisdom on how kindness and generosity can deepen our love for one another. We also have Jimmy Evans, a marriage expert with MarriageToday, who will help us understand how loyalty and patience lay the groundwork for enduring love. Dr. Henry Cloud, author of Boundaries, will offer his deep insights into how honesty and humility build trust in our marriages. Lysa TerKeurst, whose journey of forgiveness and healing has touched so many lives, will speak to the power of grace, patience, and forgiveness in marriage. And lastly, Dave Willis, a powerful voice for marriage strength through his Strong Marriage ministry, is here to guide us on how we can stay emotionally connected and generous with love, time, and care.

This is an imaginary conversation, but don’t let that fool you—what you’ll hear today is as real and as transformative as it gets. These experts will be discussing the seven ‘Be Attitudes’ that can change your marriage: be nice, be patient, be forgiving, be humble, be generous, be loyal, and be honest. Each of these values, when practiced with intention and love, can take your relationship to new heights.

So, get ready to be inspired! Whether you’ve been married for decades, are newlyweds, or even just preparing for marriage, this conversation is filled with the kind of wisdom that can make a real difference in your life. Let’s dive in!

Be Nice

Nick Sasaki: Welcome, everyone! I’m so excited to dive into today’s discussion about the “Be Attitudes” for marriage, based on Mark Gungor’s insightful teachings. These principles are simple yet powerful, designed to help couples build healthier, more loving relationships. Today, we have an amazing panel of experts with us to explore each of these values, but to kick things off, Mark, I’d love for you to introduce the “Be Attitudes” and explain what inspired them.

Mark Gungor: Thanks, Nick. It’s great to be here with such an incredible group. The "Be Attitudes" are really about getting back to the basics of what makes a marriage work. I’ve spent years counseling couples, and I realized that no matter how complicated things seem, the solutions are often very simple. The "Be Attitudes" are seven principles that, if practiced consistently, can transform any marriage. These principles are: be nice, be patient, be forgiving, be humble, be generous, be loyal, and be honest. They may sound straightforward, but they can be incredibly difficult to live out, especially in the middle of real-life challenges. What I love about these principles is that they’re not just about “fixing” problems—they’re about cultivating a relationship where love, trust, and joy can thrive.

So, today, we’re starting with the first principle—Be Nice. This one may seem like common sense, but you’d be amazed at how quickly kindness disappears when couples go through tough times. Being nice is foundational because it sets the tone for everything else. When you’re nice to your spouse, you create an atmosphere of safety and connection, and from that place, deeper emotional and relational work can happen. That’s what we’ll unpack today—how something as simple as kindness can make a world of difference in marriage.

Nick Sasaki: Thanks for that great overview, Mark. Now that we’ve laid the foundation, let’s dive into the first “Be Attitude”—Be Nice. Gary, I know you’ve spent a lot of time teaching couples how to express love in ways that resonate with their partner. How does being nice play into that dynamic?

Gary Chapman: It plays a huge role, Nick. In The 5 Love Languages, I emphasize that love is about giving, and kindness is one of the simplest ways to give. When you’re nice to your spouse, you’re showing them that you care, that you’re present, and that you’re invested in the relationship. It can be through small acts of kindness—like a compliment, doing a chore without being asked, or simply listening. Kindness opens the door for deeper emotional connection. And from a Christian perspective, we’re called to be kind. Ephesians 4:32 says, "Be kind and compassionate to one another." That’s not just good advice—it’s a biblical principle that helps marriages flourish.

Nick Sasaki: Absolutely, Gary. Jimmy, what do you think? In your experience working with couples, how important is it for couples to actively practice kindness, especially during tough times?

Jimmy Evans: It’s critical, Nick. In MarriageToday, I often say that when kindness disappears, so does intimacy. Couples can get so focused on their own frustrations or unmet needs that they forget to be nice to each other. It’s often the first thing to go when stress or conflict enters a marriage. But kindness can be a game-changer, even in difficult seasons. Being nice doesn’t mean you ignore problems, but it does mean approaching those problems with respect and love. A simple act of kindness can defuse tension and open the door for meaningful conversation. In a marriage, kindness is a choice, and it’s one we have to make every day.

Nick Sasaki: That’s a great point, Jimmy. Dr. Cloud, from a psychological perspective, why is kindness such a powerful tool in maintaining a healthy marriage?

Dr. Henry Cloud: Kindness is crucial, Nick, because it creates emotional safety. In Boundaries, I talk about how safety is necessary for vulnerability and growth. When you’re kind, you’re signaling to your spouse that they can trust you, that they’re safe with you. Kindness fosters connection because it builds trust. On the other hand, harshness or cruelty can erode trust quickly. When couples are nice to each other, even during conflict, it keeps the relationship from becoming toxic. Kindness allows couples to engage in difficult conversations without fear, which is essential for long-term emotional health in marriage.

Nick Sasaki: Lysa, I know you’ve been through some difficult personal journeys. How did kindness play a role in restoring your relationship?

Lysa TerKeurst: Kindness was foundational, Nick. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, I talk about the importance of grace and forgiveness in healing. But before any of that could happen, my husband and I had to choose to be kind to each other again. Kindness is what allowed us to start rebuilding trust and communication. It wasn’t easy—there were days when kindness felt like the hardest thing to do—but it was essential. Kindness creates space for healing. It doesn’t ignore the hurt, but it softens the edges of the pain so that you can start to work through it together.

Nick Sasaki: That’s really powerful, Lysa. Dave, how do you encourage couples to bring kindness into their daily interactions, especially when life gets busy or stressful?

Dave Willis: I always tell couples in Strong Marriage that kindness is a habit. It’s something you have to practice, especially when life gets overwhelming. It’s easy to be nice when things are going well, but when stress hits—whether it’s work, kids, or financial struggles—kindness can be the first thing to go. That’s when you need it the most. I encourage couples to find small ways to be kind every day. It could be a loving text message, offering to help with something, or even just speaking kindly when you’re frustrated. Proverbs 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath," and I think that’s so true in marriage. Kindness defuses anger and allows love to shine through.

Nick Sasaki: Wonderful insights from all of you. It’s clear that kindness isn’t just a nice-to-have in marriage—it’s foundational to building trust, fostering connection, and creating a safe space for love to grow. Let’s move on to our next "Be Attitude"—Be Patient—and explore how patience plays a vital role in a thriving marriage.

Be Patient

Nick Sasaki: Now, let’s turn to the second "Be Attitude"—Be Patient. Patience is such a key element in any marriage, but it’s often one of the hardest to practice, especially in difficult times. Mark, you’ve emphasized how crucial patience is for a thriving relationship. Could you share with us why you chose this as one of the core principles?

Mark Gungor: Absolutely, Nick. I chose patience because it’s one of the most overlooked virtues in a relationship, but it’s one of the most necessary. In any marriage, you’re dealing with two imperfect people. Expecting instant change or immediate resolution to problems just isn’t realistic. Patience allows for grace. It gives your partner time to grow, to learn, and to evolve, and it’s what helps prevent frustration from turning into bitterness. In marriage, you’ll face challenges—whether it’s differences in communication, habits, or even deeper issues—and without patience, you’ll constantly feel frustrated. As it says in 1 Corinthians 13:4, "Love is patient." Patience is a fundamental part of love because it means you’re willing to walk through the journey with your spouse, no matter how long it takes.

Nick Sasaki: Thanks, Mark. Gary, how do you see patience playing into the dynamics of love languages and emotional connection between couples?

Gary Chapman: Patience is vital, Nick. In The 5 Love Languages, I often remind couples that learning to speak your spouse’s love language doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time and effort, and that’s where patience comes in. You might be doing your best to show love in a way that makes sense to you, but your spouse may not respond immediately because it’s not their love language. Patience allows you to keep trying, to keep learning, and to keep growing together. It also means being patient with your spouse’s personal growth. Change doesn’t happen on our timetable—it happens on God’s. So, patience is about trusting that process and being supportive rather than demanding.

Nick Sasaki: That’s a great point, Gary. Jimmy, how do you counsel couples who are struggling with being patient, especially when one partner is feeling frustrated or when the marriage isn’t improving as quickly as they’d hoped?

Jimmy Evans: I tell them to take a deep breath and remember that marriage is a marathon, not a sprint. In MarriageToday, I often say that patience is what allows you to keep moving forward, even when things seem slow or stagnant. Patience is tied to hope. When you’re patient, you’re saying, "I believe things will get better." It’s about giving your spouse the time they need to make changes, whether those are personal or relational. And, as Mark said earlier, love is patient. It’s easy to get frustrated when things aren’t happening on your timeline, but God’s timeline is perfect. Waiting with patience shows faith in your spouse and faith in the future of your marriage.

Nick Sasaki: Dr. Cloud, from a psychological perspective, why do you think patience is so challenging in relationships, and how can couples develop more patience with each other?

Dr. Henry Cloud: Patience is challenging because it goes against our desire for control. In Boundaries, I talk about how we often try to control outcomes—especially in relationships—but the reality is, we can’t control our spouse. We can only control how we respond. Patience requires us to let go of the need for immediate results and allow the relationship to unfold naturally. It also involves emotional regulation—when you feel impatient, it’s often because you’re frustrated or anxious. Practicing patience means managing those emotions and choosing to respond with kindness and understanding instead of anger. It’s about being in the moment and giving your spouse the space to grow at their own pace.

Nick Sasaki: Lysa, in your journey, how did patience help you navigate some of the tough seasons in your marriage?

Lysa TerKeurst: Patience was everything, Nick. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, I talk about how I had to learn to be patient with myself and my husband as we worked through some really painful issues. It wasn’t easy—there were moments when I wanted things to be fixed immediately, but that’s not how healing works. Patience allowed me to trust the process, to trust God’s timing, and to give my husband the grace to heal and grow. It’s hard to be patient when you’re hurting, but patience is what allowed us to eventually rebuild our relationship. And in the waiting, God was doing a lot of work behind the scenes, both in my heart and in my husband’s heart.

Nick Sasaki: Dave, how do you encourage couples to practice patience when life is stressful and it feels like nothing is improving in the marriage?

Dave Willis: I always tell couples in Strong Marriage that patience is about commitment. It’s about saying, "I’m here for the long haul, even when things are tough." Life is stressful—whether it’s work, kids, or just the day-to-day challenges of marriage—but patience is what keeps you grounded. It’s a mindset that says, "I’m willing to wait and work through this, no matter how long it takes." Patience also helps prevent arguments from escalating because it gives you the chance to pause and think before reacting. When both partners are committed to being patient, the relationship has the time and space to heal and grow.

Nick Sasaki: Patience really is key to giving each other the time and grace needed to grow together. It’s clear that it requires both a mindset of faith and a commitment to the long journey of marriage. Thank you all for your insights. Let’s move on to the next "Be Attitude"—Be Forgiving—which is equally important in sustaining a healthy and loving relationship.

Be Forgiving

Nick Sasaki: Now, let’s move on to the third "Be Attitude"—Be Forgiving. Forgiveness is often one of the hardest aspects of a relationship, but it’s essential for healing and growth. Whether it’s a small offense or a deep betrayal, learning to forgive can restore trust and rebuild a marriage. Mark, you’ve talked about how crucial forgiveness is in marriage. Could you tell us why this principle made it to your list of core "Be Attitudes"?

Mark Gungor: Thanks, Nick. Forgiveness is a big one, and it’s absolutely critical in marriage. No relationship is perfect, and over time, both partners will hurt each other—intentionally or unintentionally. If you don’t learn to forgive, bitterness and resentment will take over, and that’s when marriages start to unravel. Forgiveness isn’t about pretending the hurt didn’t happen; it’s about choosing to let go of the anger and allowing your heart to heal. I always say that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer—it only harms you. Ephesians 4:31-32 says, "Get rid of all bitterness... forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." If God can forgive us, we can certainly extend that grace to our spouse. Forgiveness is the foundation for moving forward in any marriage.

Nick Sasaki: Absolutely, Mark. Lysa, you’ve walked through a personal journey of forgiveness. Could you share how forgiveness played a role in restoring your marriage?

Lysa TerKeurst: Forgiveness was at the heart of it, Nick. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, I write about how my marriage faced betrayal, and forgiveness was a choice I had to make over and over again. It wasn’t a one-time decision; it was a daily act of grace. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting what happened, and it doesn’t mean everything is instantly okay. What it does is free you from carrying the burden of bitterness. For me, forgiveness allowed healing to begin. It opened the door for reconciliation and trust to be rebuilt. I had to remember that forgiveness was something God had given me freely, so I needed to offer that same gift to my husband, even when it was hard.

Nick Sasaki: Jimmy, in MarriageToday, you’ve seen couples struggling with deep wounds. How do you help them understand and practice forgiveness, especially when the hurt runs deep?

Jimmy Evans: Forgiveness is often the hardest step, Nick, but it’s the most crucial for healing. I’ve counseled couples who have been deeply hurt by infidelity, betrayal, or ongoing conflict, and what I tell them is that forgiveness is the only way forward. It’s not about excusing the behavior, and it’s not about forgetting what happened. It’s about choosing to release the person who hurt you from the emotional debt you feel they owe. As Mark said, holding onto unforgiveness only poisons you—it doesn’t hurt the other person. When you choose to forgive, you’re breaking the chains that keep you stuck in the past. It allows both partners to heal and move forward together. Matthew 18:21-22 reminds us that forgiveness should be limitless, just as God forgives us. It’s a daily decision to extend grace, and it’s the key to restoring trust and intimacy in a marriage.

Nick Sasaki: That’s powerful, Jimmy. Dr. Cloud, from a psychological perspective, why is forgiveness so hard, and how can couples work toward forgiveness in a healthy way?

Dr. Henry Cloud: Forgiveness is hard because it involves vulnerability, Nick. When someone hurts us, our natural response is to protect ourselves from further pain. But in marriage, that protection can turn into walls that keep us from connecting emotionally. In Boundaries, I talk about how forgiveness isn’t about denying the harm done—it’s about setting yourself free from the emotional weight of resentment. One of the reasons forgiveness is so difficult is that it requires us to process and deal with our emotions rather than avoid them. That’s why it’s essential to create space for honest conversations about the hurt, so both partners can work through it together. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean automatic trust—trust has to be rebuilt over time. But without forgiveness, that process can’t even begin. Forgiveness clears the emotional debt and allows for healing.

Nick Sasaki: Dave, how do you encourage couples in Strong Marriage to practice forgiveness on a daily basis, especially in the small, everyday moments?

Dave Willis: I always tell couples that forgiveness isn’t just for the big things—it’s for the everyday stuff too. In Strong Marriage, I talk about how couples often let small hurts and frustrations build up over time, and if they’re not dealt with, they can lead to bigger issues. Practicing daily forgiveness keeps the relationship healthy. It might be as simple as forgiving your spouse for a careless comment or for not following through on something. The key is to not let the small things fester. Be quick to forgive and move on. Colossians 3:13 says, "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone." That’s not just for the big stuff—it’s for the little things, too. Forgiveness should be a regular part of how we love each other.

Nick Sasaki: Forgiveness really is the key to healing and moving forward in any marriage, whether it’s for small daily frustrations or deeper wounds. It frees both partners from the weight of resentment and opens the door to renewed trust and intimacy. Thank you all for your insights. Let’s move on to the next "Be Attitude"—Be Humble—and explore how humility strengthens marriage.

Be Humble

Nick Sasaki: Let’s move on to the fourth "Be Attitude"—Be Humble. Humility is vital in any relationship, but especially in marriage. It allows us to admit when we’re wrong, to listen with an open heart, and to put our spouse’s needs above our pride. Mark, why did you feel humility was an essential part of the "Be Attitudes" for marriage?

Mark Gungor: Humility is foundational, Nick. In marriage, pride is often the biggest obstacle to intimacy and connection. When you’re focused on being right or on protecting your ego, you create distance between you and your spouse. Humility allows you to take down those walls. It’s about recognizing that you’re not perfect, and that’s okay. In fact, when both partners are humble, it creates a space where real growth can happen. Humility says, “I’m willing to listen, I’m willing to learn, and I’m willing to change.” Philippians 2:3 tells us, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves.” That’s what marriage requires—valuing your spouse’s needs and feelings over your pride.

Nick Sasaki: That’s so true, Mark. Gary, in your work with love languages, how do you see humility playing into how couples communicate their needs and listen to each other?

Gary Chapman: Humility is absolutely essential, Nick. In The 5 Love Languages, I often remind couples that learning to speak your spouse’s love language requires humility. It’s not always natural or easy to express love in a way that your spouse understands, but humility allows you to set aside your own preferences and focus on what makes your spouse feel loved. Humility also comes into play when you’re receiving feedback from your spouse. If they tell you that something isn’t working, humility allows you to hear it without becoming defensive. It’s about saying, “I may not have it all figured out, but I’m willing to grow and learn.” Humility keeps the lines of communication open.

Nick Sasaki: That’s a great point, Gary. Jimmy, you’ve helped many couples navigate difficult seasons in their marriage. How important is humility in restoring a marriage after a conflict or a difficult situation?

Jimmy Evans: Humility is everything, Nick. In MarriageToday, I always tell couples that pride is the enemy of reconciliation. When you’re too proud to apologize or too proud to admit that you’ve made a mistake, it keeps the conflict alive. Humility, on the other hand, allows healing to begin. It takes humility to say, “I’m sorry,” and it takes humility to listen to your spouse’s pain without trying to justify your actions. Humility also allows you to ask for forgiveness, and that’s key in any relationship. Proverbs 11:2 says, “When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom.” When you approach your marriage with humility, you gain the wisdom needed to move forward and rebuild trust.

Nick Sasaki: Dr. Cloud, from a psychological perspective, why is humility so important in maintaining a healthy marriage, and how can couples cultivate it in their daily interactions?

Dr. Henry Cloud: Humility is essential because it fosters vulnerability, and vulnerability is what creates real intimacy. In Boundaries, I talk about how pride can create emotional barriers in relationships. When you’re focused on protecting your ego or proving that you’re right, you’re not open to connection. Humility, on the other hand, allows you to be vulnerable, to admit when you’re wrong, and to seek reconciliation. It’s also important to note that humility doesn’t mean being a doormat or ignoring your own needs. It means being willing to engage in honest conversations, acknowledging your own limitations, and respecting your spouse’s perspective. Humility invites growth and connection because it creates a safe space for both partners to be their authentic selves.

Nick Sasaki: Lysa, you’ve shared in your books about the role humility played in your own journey of healing and restoration. How did humility impact your marriage?

Lysa TerKeurst: Humility was a huge part of our healing process, Nick. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, I talk about how both my husband and I had to humble ourselves to move forward. That meant admitting where we had gone wrong, being open to change, and letting go of the need to defend ourselves. Humility allowed us to have hard conversations without feeling attacked because we both knew that the goal was healing, not blame. When you’re humble, you’re able to prioritize the health of your relationship over your own pride. It’s about recognizing that your marriage is bigger than any one argument or conflict. Humility invites God into the process because it acknowledges that we can’t do this on our own—we need His grace and guidance.

Nick Sasaki: That’s a powerful testimony, Lysa. Dave, how do you encourage couples in Strong Marriage to practice humility on a daily basis, especially when pride can easily creep into everyday situations?

Dave Willis: I always tell couples that humility is a daily choice, Nick. In Strong Marriage, we emphasize that marriage isn’t about keeping score—it’s about serving each other. Humility means putting your spouse’s needs ahead of your own, even in small, everyday situations. Whether it’s letting go of the need to be right in an argument or being the first to apologize, humility strengthens the bond between you and your spouse. Ephesians 4:2 says, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.” That’s the essence of humility in marriage—bearing with each other, serving each other, and recognizing that it’s not about who wins, but about growing together in love.

Nick Sasaki: Humility really is the key to building and maintaining a strong marriage. It allows us to be vulnerable, to listen, and to grow together without letting pride get in the way. Thank you all for your thoughts. Let’s move on to the next "Be Attitude"—Be Generous—and explore how generosity can transform a relationship.

Be Generous

Nick Sasaki: Let’s now turn our attention to the fifth "Be Attitude"—Be Generous. Generosity is often thought of as giving gifts or material things, but in marriage, it goes far beyond that. It’s about being generous with your time, your attention, your love, and your forgiveness. Mark, could you share why generosity is such an important principle in marriage and how it shapes a healthy relationship?

Mark Gungor: Absolutely, Nick. When I talk about generosity in marriage, I’m not just talking about material generosity. I’m talking about giving yourself—your time, your attention, and your love. One of the biggest problems I see in marriages is that couples get caught up in keeping score. They start measuring how much they’re giving compared to how much they’re receiving, and that can lead to resentment. Generosity in marriage is about giving without expecting something in return. It’s about being the first to offer love, the first to forgive, and the first to show kindness. When you’re generous in your marriage, you create an environment where love can thrive. Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given to you.” That’s not just about money—it’s about love, grace, and forgiveness. When you give generously, your marriage becomes a place of abundance.

Nick Sasaki: That’s a great perspective, Mark. Gary, in your experience with love languages, how does generosity fit into the different ways couples express love to each other?

Gary Chapman: Generosity is at the core of love, Nick. In The 5 Love Languages, I often remind couples that love is about giving, not taking. Each of the love languages—whether it’s quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, or receiving gifts—requires generosity. You have to be generous with your time if your spouse’s love language is quality time. You have to be generous with your words if their love language is words of affirmation. Generosity means going the extra mile to speak your spouse’s love language, even when it’s not natural for you. When you’re generous in how you express love, you’re telling your spouse, “I care about you enough to give you what you need, not just what’s convenient for me.” That’s the true heart of love.

Nick Sasaki: That’s so true, Gary. Jimmy, how do you see generosity playing a role in a marriage, especially when couples are going through difficult times?

Jimmy Evans: Generosity is critical, Nick, especially during tough seasons. In MarriageToday, we teach that generosity is often what helps couples break out of negative cycles. When you’re going through difficult times, it’s easy to get focused on your own needs and frustrations. But generosity shifts the focus from “What am I not getting?” to “What can I give?” It’s about serving your spouse even when you’re not feeling loved or appreciated. Generosity can soften hearts and open the door to healing. It might be something as simple as being the first to apologize or going out of your way to do something kind for your spouse. Proverbs 11:25 says, “A generous person will prosper; whoever refreshes others will be refreshed.” In marriage, when you refresh your spouse through generosity, you often find that you’re refreshed in return.

Nick Sasaki: Dr. Cloud, from a psychological perspective, how does generosity impact emotional intimacy and connection in a marriage?

Dr. Henry Cloud: Generosity is incredibly important for emotional intimacy, Nick. In Boundaries, I talk about how generosity isn’t just about giving—it’s about giving in a way that honors both your needs and your spouse’s needs. Emotional generosity means being present with your spouse, listening to them, and being willing to give of yourself emotionally. It’s about creating space for vulnerability. Generosity builds trust because it shows your spouse that you’re invested in the relationship. It also fosters reciprocity—when one partner is generous, it often inspires the other to be generous in return. This creates a positive cycle of giving and receiving that strengthens the emotional connection between spouses. And like Jimmy said, generosity often breaks negative cycles. When you’re generous with love, time, and attention, it opens the door for healing and growth.

Nick Sasaki: Lysa, in your personal journey, how did generosity play a role in restoring your relationship, and how did it help you and your husband move forward?

Lysa TerKeurst: Generosity was key, Nick. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, I talk about how generosity—especially in forgiveness—was one of the ways my husband and I began to rebuild our relationship. After everything we went through, we had to learn to be generous with grace, patience, and love. For me, that meant being generous in how I approached our healing process. I had to be willing to forgive, even when it was hard. And my husband had to be generous in showing his commitment to making things right. Generosity isn’t always about grand gestures; sometimes it’s about showing up day after day, even when it’s difficult. It’s about giving your heart fully to the process of healing. Generosity creates space for trust to grow again.

Nick Sasaki: Dave, how do you encourage couples in Strong Marriage to practice generosity, especially when they’re feeling drained or when life gets in the way?

Dave Willis: I always tell couples that generosity isn’t just something you do when things are easy—it’s something you do when it’s hard. In Strong Marriage, we emphasize that generosity is a choice you make every day. Life gets busy—work, kids, stress—it’s easy to let your marriage take a back seat. But when you choose to be generous with your time, your attention, and your love, you’re investing in your relationship. Whether it’s taking a few extra minutes to listen to your spouse at the end of a long day or planning something special for them, those acts of generosity keep the relationship strong. Galatians 6:9 says, “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.” Generosity is part of that “doing good” in marriage. It’s about showing your spouse that they are a priority, even when life is overwhelming.

Nick Sasaki: It’s clear that generosity in marriage is about so much more than material things—it’s about giving of yourself, your time, and your love in ways that build trust and connection. Thank you all for your insights. Let’s move on to the next "Be Attitude"—Be Loyal—and explore how loyalty strengthens the foundation of a marriage.

Be Loyal

Nick Sasaki: Now, let’s talk about the sixth "Be Attitude"—Be Loyal. Loyalty is the bedrock of trust in any marriage. It’s about staying committed not only physically but emotionally and mentally as well. Loyalty means that your spouse can count on you, no matter what. Mark, loyalty is a huge part of your message. Why did you include it as one of the core principles of a healthy marriage?

Mark Gungor: Loyalty is fundamental, Nick, because it’s what keeps a marriage together through the highs and lows. Loyalty means that no matter what happens—whether it’s a conflict, stress, or even external temptations—you are committed to your spouse and your marriage. It’s easy to stay loyal when things are going well, but true loyalty is tested when times are tough. Being loyal means you’re emotionally invested in your spouse, not just physically present. It’s about being there for them, supporting them, and staying committed, even when things get difficult. In Proverbs 3:3, it says, "Let love and faithfulness never leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart." That’s loyalty—writing faithfulness into the core of your heart and marriage. It’s non-negotiable for a strong, lasting relationship.

Nick Sasaki: Absolutely, Mark. Gary, in your work on love languages and emotional connection, how does loyalty play into building trust and emotional safety between partners?

Gary Chapman: Loyalty is crucial for building trust, Nick. In The 5 Love Languages, I talk about how love is a choice, and part of that choice is staying loyal to your spouse emotionally. Loyalty creates a sense of security in a relationship. When your spouse knows that you’re loyal to them—emotionally, mentally, and physically—it allows them to feel safe enough to be vulnerable and open. Loyalty isn’t just about being faithful in a physical sense; it’s about being loyal to your spouse’s emotional needs. For example, if their love language is quality time, loyalty means making them a priority and giving them the time and attention they need. When both partners are loyal, it builds an emotional foundation of trust and security that makes the relationship stronger.

Nick Sasaki: That’s a great point, Gary. Jimmy, when couples are facing challenges like betrayal or emotional disconnection, how do you guide them in rebuilding loyalty in their relationship?

Jimmy Evans: Loyalty is often the first thing to break down when trust has been violated, Nick. In MarriageToday, I tell couples that rebuilding loyalty takes time, but it starts with a commitment to transparency and consistency. If there has been betrayal—whether it’s emotional or physical—the partner who broke that trust needs to demonstrate loyalty through their actions. That means being open, being honest, and showing that they are fully committed to repairing the relationship. It also means showing up consistently, emotionally and physically, to rebuild that foundation of trust. Loyalty is not just about words—it’s about actions. If both partners are committed to being loyal, even after trust has been broken, the relationship can heal and become even stronger than before. Ephesians 4:25 tells us to "speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." In marriage, that honesty and loyalty to each other are key to healing.

Nick Sasaki: That’s powerful, Jimmy. Dr. Cloud, from a psychological perspective, why is loyalty such an important factor in emotional intimacy and long-term stability in marriage?

Dr. Henry Cloud: Loyalty is critical for emotional intimacy, Nick, because it fosters a sense of security and trust. In Boundaries, I talk about how people need to feel safe in a relationship in order to be vulnerable. When you know your spouse is loyal to you, emotionally and physically, it creates a safe space where you can open up without fear of judgment or abandonment. Loyalty also means that your spouse has your back, even when things are tough. It’s the assurance that you’re both committed to working through whatever challenges come your way. Psychologically, loyalty creates stability, and stability is essential for long-term emotional connection. Without loyalty, trust erodes, and without trust, intimacy can’t flourish.

Nick Sasaki: Lysa, in your journey, how did loyalty play a role in the restoration of your marriage, especially after difficult seasons?

Lysa TerKeurst: Loyalty was key, Nick. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, I share how my husband and I faced significant challenges, and loyalty—both to each other and to our commitment before God—was what held us together through the hardest times. There were moments when it would have been easy to give up, but we both made the choice to stay loyal to the vows we made. Loyalty isn’t just about not walking away; it’s about being emotionally available, being present, and being committed to working through the pain together. Loyalty says, "I’m not going anywhere, no matter how hard this gets." And that kind of commitment gives you the strength to keep fighting for your marriage. When you stay loyal, even in the darkest times, God can work miracles in your relationship.

Nick Sasaki: That’s an incredible testimony, Lysa. Dave, how do you encourage couples in Strong Marriage to stay loyal to each other emotionally and mentally, especially when life gets overwhelming?

Dave Willis: I always tell couples that loyalty isn’t just about not cheating—it’s about being present and committed to your spouse in all aspects of your relationship. In Strong Marriage, we talk about how emotional loyalty means prioritizing your spouse over other distractions—whether that’s work, friends, or hobbies. It’s easy to let life get in the way and become emotionally disconnected, but loyalty means showing up for your spouse consistently. It’s about making your spouse feel like they are your priority, even when life gets busy. Proverbs 20:6 says, "Many claim to have unfailing love, but a faithful person who can find?" True loyalty is rare, but when you commit to being emotionally loyal to your spouse, you create a relationship that is grounded in trust and connection. It’s a daily decision to choose your spouse over everything else.

Nick Sasaki: Loyalty really is the anchor that keeps a marriage grounded, providing the trust and security needed for a strong and lasting relationship. Thank you all for your insights. Let’s move on to the final "Be Attitude"—Be Honest—and explore how honesty plays a crucial role in maintaining a healthy and thriving marriage.

Be Honest

Nick Sasaki: Now, let’s dive into the final "Be Attitude"—Be Honest. Honesty is the foundation of trust in any marriage. Without honesty, it’s nearly impossible to build the kind of deep emotional intimacy that every couple desires. But being honest isn’t always easy, especially when the truth is uncomfortable or painful. Mark, why did you include honesty as one of the core principles for a strong marriage?

Mark Gungor: Honesty is absolutely fundamental, Nick. Without honesty, you can’t have trust, and without trust, you can’t have a healthy marriage. I’ve worked with couples who say, "We just don’t communicate well," but often, the issue isn’t just communication—it’s that they’re not being fully honest with each other. Honesty isn’t just about telling the truth when it’s convenient; it’s about being vulnerable and open, even when it’s hard. Whether it’s discussing your feelings, your fears, or your mistakes, honesty builds a foundation where both partners feel safe to be their true selves. In John 8:32, it says, "Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." That applies to marriage, too—truth sets the relationship free to grow and thrive.

Nick Sasaki: That’s a powerful insight, Mark. Gary, in your work with love languages, how does honesty contribute to the emotional connection between couples?

Gary Chapman: Honesty is key to any emotional connection, Nick. In The 5 Love Languages, I often talk about how love is about understanding your spouse’s needs and meeting them. But that requires honesty—honesty about what you need, how you feel, and what’s really going on in your heart. If you’re not honest with your spouse, it’s impossible for them to know how to love you well. And the reverse is true—if your spouse isn’t being honest with you, you’ll end up feeling disconnected. Honesty creates the kind of transparency that allows a couple to really understand each other. It’s not just about avoiding lies—it’s about being open and vulnerable with your spouse. That vulnerability creates a deep emotional bond that strengthens the relationship.

Nick Sasaki: Absolutely, Gary. Jimmy, how do you counsel couples in MarriageToday who are struggling with honesty, especially if there’s been betrayal or broken trust?

Jimmy Evans: Honesty is the first step toward healing, Nick. When there’s been a betrayal, whether it’s infidelity, broken promises, or ongoing dishonesty, the only way to rebuild trust is through complete transparency. In MarriageToday, I always tell couples that honesty isn’t just about confessing when you’ve done something wrong—it’s about living an honest life every day. That means being open about your feelings, your struggles, and even your temptations. If you’re not being honest, you’re creating a barrier between you and your spouse. But when both partners commit to radical honesty, it paves the way for true healing. Proverbs 12:22 says, "The Lord detests lying lips, but He delights in people who are trustworthy." Trust is rebuilt through consistent honesty, and once that trust is restored, the relationship can move forward stronger than ever.

Nick Sasaki: Dr. Cloud, from a psychological perspective, why is honesty such an important element for emotional health in a marriage, and how can couples cultivate more honesty in their relationship?

Dr. Henry Cloud: Honesty is crucial for emotional health because it creates the foundation for intimacy, Nick. In Boundaries, I talk about how people often avoid being honest because they fear conflict or rejection. But the reality is that avoiding honesty leads to emotional disconnection and resentment. When couples aren’t honest with each other, even about small things, it creates a barrier that prevents them from truly knowing each other. Honesty allows couples to deal with issues as they arise, instead of letting them fester into bigger problems. To cultivate honesty, couples need to create a safe environment where both partners feel comfortable sharing their true feelings. That means listening without judgment and responding with empathy. When both partners feel safe to be honest, it deepens their emotional connection and strengthens the relationship.

Nick Sasaki: Lysa, in your personal journey, how did honesty play a role in the healing process, especially when you and your husband were working through difficult times?

Lysa TerKeurst: Honesty was absolutely essential, Nick. In It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, I talk about how my husband and I had to face some painful truths in order to heal. It wasn’t easy, but without honesty, there’s no real foundation for reconciliation. We had to be brutally honest with each other about what we were feeling, what we needed, and what had to change in our relationship. That kind of honesty is hard because it makes you vulnerable, but it’s also freeing. Honesty brought clarity to our situation and allowed us to work through the issues that had been holding us back. I had to be honest with myself, too—about my own pain, my own mistakes, and my own role in the relationship. Once we were both willing to be completely honest, God began to restore what was broken. Honesty opens the door for healing and growth.

Nick Sasaki: That’s really inspiring, Lysa. Dave, in Strong Marriage, how do you encourage couples to practice honesty in their everyday lives, even when it’s uncomfortable or difficult?

Dave Willis: I always tell couples that honesty is the glue that holds everything else together, Nick. In Strong Marriage, we emphasize that without honesty, there’s no trust, and without trust, the relationship crumbles. Honesty is about being real with your spouse every day, even in the small things. Whether it’s admitting when you’re wrong, sharing your fears, or talking about things that make you uncomfortable, honesty is what keeps the relationship strong. I encourage couples to have regular "check-ins" where they can talk openly about how they’re feeling, what’s working, and what’s not. Those conversations build a habit of honesty that strengthens the relationship over time. Ephesians 4:25 says, "Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body." In marriage, that means being truthful with your spouse in everything—big or small.

Nick Sasaki: Honesty really is the foundation upon which trust and emotional intimacy are built. Without it, there’s no real connection, but with it, a marriage can grow and thrive. Thank you all for your insights today. As we’ve covered all seven "Be Attitudes"—being nice, patient, forgiving, humble, generous, loyal, and honest—it’s clear that these principles, when practiced with intention, can create a marriage that’s not only strong but deeply fulfilling.

Short Bios:

Mark Gungor is a marriage expert, speaker, and author of Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage. Known for his humorous yet insightful approach, Mark helps couples understand the dynamics of relationships by focusing on key principles like communication, emotional connection, and the differences between men and women. His "Be Attitudes" are practical values that guide couples toward healthier, happier marriages.

Gary Chapman is a renowned marriage counselor and author of The 5 Love Languages. His work focuses on helping couples understand how to express love in ways that resonate with their partners, transforming relationships through better communication and connection.

Jimmy Evans is a pastor, author, and founder of MarriageToday, a ministry dedicated to helping couples strengthen their relationships. He is known for his teachings on loyalty, conflict resolution, and faith-based principles that support lasting marriages.

Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist, leadership expert, and author of Boundaries. His work emphasizes the importance of setting healthy emotional and relational boundaries in marriage and personal growth, offering a blend of psychology and Christian principles.

Lysa TerKeurst is a Christian author and speaker, best known for her books It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way and Uninvited. Her work centers on forgiveness, healing, and restoring relationships through faith and grace, drawing from her personal experiences in marriage.

Dave Willis is a pastor, speaker, and author behind Strong Marriage, a ministry focused on building emotionally strong and resilient marriages. He teaches couples how to foster deep emotional connections and prioritize love, generosity, and faithfulness in their relationships.