Healing Trauma: Stephanie Foo’s Journey in What My Bones Know

Hello, friends. Today, we’re diving into a conversation that matters to everyone—because no matter who we are, we all carry parts of our story that have shaped us, challenged us, and maybe even broken us. But here’s the good news: healing is possible, and resilience is within reach.

We have an incredible group joining us to explore the impact of trauma and the transformative power of healing. Leading the way is Stephanie Foo, whose memoir What My Bones Know is a raw and honest look at living with and overcoming complex PTSD. She’s joined by some of the world’s most insightful voices—Dr. Gabor Maté, Bessel van der Kolk, Pema Chödrön, and many more—each bringing unique wisdom to the table.

We’ll talk about how trauma affects us, how culture and identity shape our experience, and most importantly, how we can find our way to resilience and hope. This isn’t just about surviving—it’s about learning to thrive. So, let’s open our hearts, lean into the conversation, and find strength in each other’s stories.

Understanding Childhood Trauma

Moderator: Nick Sasaki
"Welcome, everyone. Today, we’re exploring the profound impact of childhood trauma. Stephanie Foo, since your memoir, What My Bones Know, is a deeply personal account of surviving and healing from trauma, could you start by sharing your perspective on why understanding childhood trauma is so essential?"

Stephanie Foo:
"Thank you, Nick. For me, understanding childhood trauma is about reclaiming my story and breaking cycles. When you grow up in an environment where you face abuse or neglect, your sense of safety and self-worth is fundamentally disrupted. That’s what happened to me—my brain was wired for survival, always expecting the worst, and it followed me into adulthood.

The hardest part is that childhood trauma often hides in plain sight. People see the symptoms—anxiety, perfectionism, difficulty in relationships—but they don’t always recognize the root cause. By understanding how trauma affects us, we can begin to untangle those patterns and heal. It’s not easy, but it’s incredibly freeing to realize your pain doesn’t define you."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you for sharing that, Stephanie. Gabor Maté, as someone who has studied trauma extensively, what do you think is the most significant takeaway from stories like Stephanie’s?"

Gabor Maté:
"Stephanie’s story beautifully illustrates a universal truth about trauma—it’s not just what happens to you; it’s what happens inside you as a result. Childhood trauma imprints itself on the nervous system. Children who experience abuse or neglect adapt by developing coping mechanisms that serve them in the moment—like shutting down emotionally or becoming hyper-vigilant—but these adaptations often become barriers in adulthood. Healing, as Stephanie said, starts with awareness and compassion for what we’ve endured."

Nick Sasaki:
"Dr. Nadine Burke Harris, your work on ACEs (Adverse Childhood Experiences) highlights the long-term impact of early trauma. Could you build on what Gabor and Stephanie have shared?"

Dr. Nadine Burke Harris:
"Certainly, Nick. Stephanie’s experience reflects what the science shows us—early trauma fundamentally changes the way our brains and bodies develop. The prolonged stress of adverse experiences floods a child’s system with stress hormones, disrupting brain architecture and even our immune system. What’s important to understand is that these changes can increase risks for both mental health issues, like anxiety and depression, and physical health issues, like heart disease or diabetes. The good news is that with early interventions and trauma-informed care, we can help reverse these effects."

Nick Sasaki:
"That’s so insightful. Resmaa Menakem, your work often explores the racial and cultural layers of trauma. How does culture shape our experience of childhood trauma?"

Resmaa Menakem:
"Trauma doesn’t exist in a vacuum. For many people, like Stephanie and others from marginalized communities, their childhood trauma is compounded by systemic issues—racism, poverty, or cultural dislocation. These layers of trauma can be passed down through generations, shaping not just individuals but families and communities. Healing requires acknowledging both the personal and collective wounds, creating spaces where people can feel seen, valued, and safe."

Nick Sasaki:
"Finally, Tina Payne Bryson, you’ve worked extensively on parenting and resilience. What advice would you give to someone raising children who wants to break the cycle of trauma?"

Tina Payne Bryson:
"The most important thing is to be present and attuned to your child’s needs. Even if you didn’t grow up with that kind of support, you can learn to provide it. Kids need a sense of safety and connection to thrive. When parents acknowledge their own trauma and work to heal, they model resilience for their children. It’s also crucial to create an environment where children feel safe expressing their emotions without judgment or fear. That kind of connection can make all the difference."

Nick Sasaki:
"This has been such a profound conversation. Stephanie, would you like to leave us with a final thought?"

Stephanie Foo:
"Yes. I’d just say that healing isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about learning to live with it in a way that no longer controls you. Understanding trauma is the first step, but self-compassion is what allows us to truly move forward. We’re all more resilient than we realize, and our stories—no matter how painful—can guide us to a place of strength and peace."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you, Stephanie, and to all our guests for sharing your insights. This conversation is just the beginning of understanding how we can heal from childhood trauma and build healthier futures."

Impact of Trauma on Life

Moderator: Nick Sasaki
"Welcome back, everyone. Today, we’re focusing on the impact of trauma and how it shapes our mental, emotional, and physical health. Stephanie Foo, let’s start with you again. Your book What My Bones Know dives deeply into this topic. Can you share your perspective on how trauma affects our lives?"

Stephanie Foo:
"Thanks, Nick. Trauma is like an invisible thread woven into every aspect of your life—it changes how you see the world, interact with others, and even how you treat yourself. For me, living with C-PTSD meant constantly being in survival mode. I struggled with anxiety, perfectionism, and self-doubt, which affected my relationships and career. But what people often don’t realize is that trauma also leaves physical marks—chronic stress can impact your immune system, digestion, and even your ability to think clearly. Understanding this connection between mind and body was key to my healing."

Nick Sasaki:
"Stephanie, that’s such an important point about the mind-body connection. Dr. Bessel van der Kolk, you’ve written extensively about this in The Body Keeps the Score. What would you add to Stephanie’s perspective?"

Bessel van der Kolk:
"Stephanie is absolutely right. Trauma lodges itself not just in your memories, but in your body. People with trauma often experience hypervigilance, chronic pain, or even autoimmune disorders because their nervous systems are stuck in a state of alarm. What’s crucial is helping people reconnect with their bodies. Practices like yoga, mindfulness, or EMDR therapy can help them release that stored tension and regain a sense of safety."

Nick Sasaki:
"Judith Herman, your book Trauma and Recovery has been a cornerstone in understanding the long-term effects of trauma. Can you explain how trauma impacts our sense of self and relationships?"

Judith Herman:
"Certainly, Nick. Trauma fractures our sense of safety and trust—not just in others, but in ourselves. Survivors often feel disconnected, ashamed, or even powerless. In relationships, this can manifest as difficulty trusting others or feeling overly dependent. Healing involves reclaiming that sense of agency and rebuilding trust. This is why safe, supportive relationships are so vital for recovery—they allow survivors to rewrite the narratives they’ve internalized about themselves."

Nick Sasaki:
"Peter Levine, your work on Somatic Experiencing focuses on how trauma impacts the body. Can you share how physical symptoms can often reflect unresolved trauma?"

Peter Levine:
"Of course, Nick. Trauma leaves the body in a heightened state of arousal—what we call a ‘fight, flight, or freeze’ response. Even years after the event, the body can act as if the danger is still present. This might show up as chronic tension, digestive issues, or even fatigue. The key to healing is gently helping the body process and release that trapped energy, which allows the nervous system to return to a state of balance."

Nick Sasaki:
"Dr. Thema Bryant, you’ve worked extensively on the intersection of trauma and cultural identity. How does culture influence how people experience and address the impact of trauma?"

Dr. Thema Bryant:
"Great question, Nick. Culture shapes how we understand trauma and what healing looks like. In many communities, there’s stigma around mental health, which can delay seeking help. At the same time, cultural practices like storytelling, music, and spirituality can provide powerful tools for resilience. Healing requires acknowledging the unique ways trauma shows up in different cultural contexts and finding interventions that honor those experiences."

Nick Sasaki:
"Stephanie, I’d love for you to wrap this up with a reflection. What has helped you the most in dealing with the impact of trauma?"

Stephanie Foo:
"What’s helped me most is learning to be gentle with myself. Trauma makes you feel like you’re broken, but healing is about realizing that you’ve survived. I’ve learned to listen to my body, set boundaries, and connect with others who understand. It’s not about erasing the past, but about learning to live with it in a way that lets you thrive."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you, Stephanie, and to all our guests for these incredible insights. It’s clear that while trauma leaves deep scars, healing is possible with the right tools and support."

Therapeutic Exploration of Trauma

Moderator: Nick Sasaki
"Welcome to today’s discussion on the therapeutic exploration of trauma. Trauma impacts us on so many levels, but the path to healing can look different for everyone. Stephanie Foo, in What My Bones Know, you describe your journey through therapy. Could you start by sharing what you found most transformative in your healing process?"

Stephanie Foo:
"Thanks, Nick. For me, the most transformative part was finding therapies that addressed the mind-body connection. I tried everything from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), but what truly clicked was learning how trauma affects the nervous system. Practices like mindfulness, yoga, and even writing helped me reconnect with my body and emotions. Therapy taught me that healing isn’t about fixing yourself—it’s about understanding and integrating your experiences so they no longer control you."

Nick Sasaki:
"That’s a profound insight, Stephanie. Tara Brach, your work blends mindfulness and psychotherapy. How do mindfulness practices contribute to trauma healing?"

Tara Brach:
"Mindfulness helps create a space of safety and self-compassion, which is crucial for trauma survivors. Trauma often leaves people disconnected from their bodies and emotions because it feels too overwhelming to face. Mindfulness gently encourages us to stay present with whatever arises, whether it’s pain, fear, or shame. When we can hold those feelings with kindness, we begin to break free from the grip of trauma. It's not about forcing ourselves to relive the past, but about learning to feel safe in the present moment."

Nick Sasaki:
"Richard Schwartz, you’re the founder of Internal Family Systems (IFS), which is becoming a popular trauma therapy. Could you explain how IFS works and why it’s effective for trauma?"

Richard Schwartz:
"Certainly, Nick. Trauma often creates what we call 'exiled parts'—aspects of ourselves that hold painful memories or emotions. IFS helps people access these parts in a safe way by fostering a compassionate relationship between their 'Self'—the calm, wise core of their being—and the parts that are in pain. By listening to these parts without judgment, we can help them release their burdens and transform. What makes IFS effective is that it empowers people to become their own healers, guided by their inner wisdom."

Nick Sasaki:
"Francine Shapiro, your development of EMDR has been groundbreaking in trauma therapy. Could you share how EMDR helps people process traumatic memories?"

Francine Shapiro:
"Of course. EMDR, or Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, works by helping the brain reprocess traumatic memories so they’re no longer as distressing. Trauma often gets 'stuck' in the brain, causing people to relive it as if it’s happening in the present. EMDR uses bilateral stimulation—like eye movements or tapping—to activate both hemispheres of the brain, which helps integrate the memory and reduce its emotional charge. It’s not about erasing the memory but about neutralizing its power so it no longer dictates your life."

Nick Sasaki:
"That’s fascinating. Dan Siegel, your work on interpersonal neurobiology has helped many understand the connection between relationships and healing. How do relationships play a role in trauma recovery?"

Dan Siegel:
"Great question, Nick. Trauma often disrupts a person’s ability to trust and connect with others, but healing often happens in the context of safe, supportive relationships. Our brains are wired for connection, and having someone who listens without judgment can help rewire the neural patterns shaped by trauma. This is why therapy is so effective—it provides a relationship where a person feels seen, soothed, and secure. Over time, these experiences of connection can help heal the wounds left by trauma."

Nick Sasaki:
"Stephanie, hearing these perspectives, what advice would you give to someone starting their own therapeutic journey?"

Stephanie Foo:
"I’d say don’t be afraid to try different approaches until you find what works for you. Healing is not one-size-fits-all. Be patient with yourself and don’t rush the process—it’s okay to take small steps. Most importantly, surround yourself with people and practices that make you feel safe and supported. Healing doesn’t happen alone."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you, Stephanie, and to all our guests. This conversation has been enlightening. The therapeutic path to healing from trauma may be complex, but as we’ve learned today, there are many tools and approaches to guide us."

Identity and Culture in Trauma

Moderator: Nick Sasaki
"Welcome, everyone. Today, we’re exploring how identity and culture shape the experience of trauma and its healing. Stephanie Foo, your memoir What My Bones Know reflects on how your cultural background influenced your trauma and recovery. Could you start us off?"

Stephanie Foo:
"Thanks, Nick. Growing up as a Malaysian-American immigrant, my trauma was intertwined with cultural expectations. In many Asian families, including mine, there’s a belief in keeping struggles private—what happens at home stays at home. That silence made it harder for me to name or process what I was going through. But as I’ve grown, I’ve also realized the beauty in my heritage. Practices like preparing traditional meals or hearing family stories helped me reconnect with my roots and find strength. For me, healing meant embracing both the pain and pride in my cultural identity."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you, Stephanie. Min Jin Lee, as someone who has written extensively about intergenerational trauma in immigrant families, how does culture shape trauma and resilience?"

Min Jin Lee:
"Culture plays a dual role—it can be a source of both pain and resilience. Immigrant families often carry the weight of sacrifices made for survival, and children can feel enormous pressure to live up to those expectations. At the same time, cultural traditions provide a deep sense of belonging and identity, which can be grounding during times of crisis. The challenge is finding a way to honor your cultural heritage while creating space to heal and grow individually."

Nick Sasaki:
"Jeff Chang, your work often explores cultural dislocation and identity. How do you think these factors impact trauma, especially for marginalized communities?"

Jeff Chang:
"Great question, Nick. Cultural dislocation—being caught between the expectations of your heritage and the realities of a different society—can create a unique form of trauma. For many, it feels like you’re never enough for either side. This is particularly true for immigrant or diasporic communities. On the flip side, culture can also serve as a powerful tool for reclaiming agency. Art, music, and storytelling allow us to process our experiences and connect with others who share similar struggles. These creative outlets are often where healing begins."

Nick Sasaki:
"Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, your storytelling often highlights identity and belonging. What role do you think community and shared narratives play in trauma recovery?"

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie:
"Community and shared narratives are everything. Trauma isolates us, but stories remind us that we’re not alone. In many cultures, oral traditions have long been used to pass down lessons of survival and resilience. For those of us dealing with trauma, hearing or sharing our stories in safe spaces can be transformative. It’s a way to reclaim power over our experiences and find solidarity in others who’ve walked similar paths."

Nick Sasaki:
"Dr. Thema Bryant, your work bridges psychology and cultural understanding. What would you say to someone who feels caught between cultural stigma and their need for healing?"

Dr. Thema Bryant:
"I would say your healing is your birthright, no matter what anyone else says. Cultural stigma often tells us that seeking help is a weakness, but the truth is, it takes incredible courage to confront your pain. It’s also important to remember that healing doesn’t mean rejecting your culture. You can honor your heritage while setting boundaries that protect your well-being. Part of recovery is redefining what strength looks like—for you, not for anyone else."

Nick Sasaki:
"Stephanie, after hearing these perspectives, what would you say to someone struggling to reconcile their cultural identity with their trauma?"

Stephanie Foo:
"I’d tell them it’s okay to hold both—the beauty and the pain. Your culture doesn’t have to be perfect for you to love it, and your trauma doesn’t have to define you. Healing is about finding your own path, one that honors where you come from while allowing you to grow into who you’re meant to be. Give yourself permission to rewrite the rules."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you, Stephanie, and to all our panelists for such thoughtful insights. Identity and culture shape how we experience and heal from trauma, but as we’ve heard today, they can also be sources of incredible strength."

Healing and Resilience After Trauma

Moderator: Nick Sasaki
"Welcome, everyone. Today, we’ll explore the themes of healing and resilience in the aftermath of trauma. Stephanie Foo, in What My Bones Know, you describe your journey to find peace and strength despite complex trauma. Could you begin by sharing what resilience means to you?"

Stephanie Foo:
"Thank you, Nick. Resilience, to me, isn’t about bouncing back—it’s about learning to move forward with what you’ve endured. For years, I thought healing meant erasing my past, but I’ve realized it’s about integrating it. I still carry my trauma, but it no longer controls me. Resilience is finding ways to thrive, even if the weight of the past is still there. For me, that meant learning self-compassion, setting boundaries, and finding joy in small, everyday moments."

Nick Sasaki:
"That’s such a profound perspective, Stephanie. Pema Chödrön, as a teacher of mindfulness and compassion, how do you see resilience in the context of healing from trauma?"

Pema Chödrön:
"Resilience is about learning to be present with our pain rather than running from it. Trauma can leave us feeling fragmented, but mindfulness helps us gently bring those pieces back together. It teaches us that our strength lies in our ability to sit with discomfort without being overwhelmed by it. Resilience doesn’t mean being unbreakable; it means embracing our vulnerability and allowing it to transform us."

Nick Sasaki:
"That’s beautiful, Pema. Iyanla Vanzant, your work often focuses on reclaiming personal power after hardship. What role does resilience play in rebuilding after trauma?"

Iyanla Vanzant:
"Resilience is reclaiming the power that trauma tried to steal from you. Trauma makes us feel small, but resilience is a daily choice to rise. It’s about forgiveness—not just for others, but for yourself. It’s also about creating a vision for your life beyond the pain. When you focus on what’s possible, rather than what’s lost, you begin to rebuild your life from a place of strength and love."

Nick Sasaki:
"Marianne Williamson, you often speak about healing through love and forgiveness. How do these principles foster resilience?"

Marianne Williamson:
"Trauma fractures our sense of love—for ourselves and for the world. Resilience is about returning to that love, even in the face of pain. Forgiveness isn’t about condoning what happened; it’s about releasing ourselves from the grip of bitterness. When we forgive, we create space for grace and renewal, which allows us to move forward. Love is the foundation of resilience—it’s what heals the broken parts of us."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you, Marianne. Stephanie, hearing these insights, what has helped you most in building resilience and finding healing?"

Stephanie Foo:
"For me, it’s been about finding balance—honoring the pain while also making room for joy. Therapy helped, but so did connecting with nature, practicing gratitude, and leaning on my community. Resilience isn’t something you do alone—it’s something you build with the help of people and practices that make you feel safe and whole."

Nick Sasaki:
"That’s inspiring, Stephanie. Bryant McGill, as a motivational speaker, what advice would you give to someone struggling to find resilience after trauma?"

Bryant McGill:
"Start small. Resilience doesn’t happen overnight—it’s built through tiny acts of courage and kindness toward yourself. Take one step today, whether it’s journaling, reaching out for support, or simply allowing yourself to rest. Remember, resilience isn’t about being perfect; it’s about showing up for yourself, even when it’s hard."

Nick Sasaki:
"Thank you, Bryant, and to all our panelists for this incredible discussion. Healing from trauma is a complex journey, but as we’ve heard today, resilience is about finding strength in our vulnerability, embracing love and compassion, and moving forward with hope."

Short Bios:

Stephanie Foo: Author of What My Bones Know, Foo shares her journey with Complex PTSD, exploring trauma, resilience, and cultural identity through a deeply personal lens.

Gabor Maté: Physician and author known for his expertise on childhood trauma and its impact on mental and physical health, author of In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.

Dr. Nadine Burke Harris: Pediatrician and advocate for addressing Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), her work highlights the lifelong effects of childhood trauma on health.

Resmaa Menakem: Therapist and author of My Grandmother’s Hands, focusing on racialized trauma and somatic healing to address the body’s response to pain.

Tina Payne Bryson: Co-author of The Whole-Brain Child, Bryson specializes in parenting strategies that foster emotional resilience and healthy brain development.

Bessel van der Kolk: Psychiatrist and author of The Body Keeps the Score, he explores the effects of trauma on the brain and body, emphasizing integrative healing approaches.

Judith Herman: Pioneer in trauma studies and author of Trauma and Recovery, she focuses on the psychological impacts of trauma and the pathways to recovery.

Peter Levine: Developer of Somatic Experiencing, Levine’s work addresses how trauma is stored in the body and how releasing it can restore balance.

Dr. Thema Bryant: Psychologist, minister, and advocate for culturally sensitive trauma healing, she integrates spirituality and psychology in her approach.

Tara Brach: Psychologist and meditation teacher, Brach uses mindfulness and self-compassion practices to support emotional healing, author of Radical Acceptance.

Richard Schwartz: Creator of Internal Family Systems (IFS), Schwartz’s approach empowers individuals to heal their inner emotional parts and integrate past trauma.

Francine Shapiro: Psychologist who developed EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), an effective method for processing and reducing trauma’s impact.

Dan Siegel: Psychiatrist and expert in interpersonal neurobiology, Siegel explores the mind-body connection and how relationships can help heal trauma.

Alice Wong: Disability rights advocate and author of Year of the Tiger, Wong addresses systemic and cultural barriers that intersect with personal trauma.

Min Jin Lee: Novelist and author of Pachinko, Lee examines intergenerational trauma and the immigrant experience through her storytelling.

Jeff Chang: Author and cultural historian, Chang’s work highlights the effects of systemic oppression and dislocation on identity and resilience.

Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Author of Half of a Yellow Sun, Adichie uses storytelling to explore themes of identity, trauma, and the strength found in community.

Pema Chödrön: Buddhist nun and author of When Things Fall Apart, she teaches mindfulness and compassion as tools for healing and transformation.

Iyanla Vanzant: Life coach and author of Acts of Faith, Vanzant empowers individuals to reclaim their power and heal through love, self-awareness, and forgiveness.

Marianne Williamson: Spiritual teacher and author of A Return to Love, Williamson advocates for healing through love, forgiveness, and personal growth.

Bryant McGill: Motivational speaker and author of Simple Reminders, McGill promotes self-compassion, empowerment, and resilience after adversity.