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Conan O’Brien:
The screen fades in to a sweeping aerial shot of Florida’s coastline, where the turquoise ocean meets golden sands. The sun gleams off Art Deco buildings in Miami, roller coasters twist into the sky in Orlando, and a suspiciously large alligator lounges near the Everglades, blinking lazily at the camera.
Cut to Conan O’Brien, standing dramatically on a Florida beach, sunglasses on, a suspiciously large bottle of sunscreen in one hand, and an air of barely contained panic in the other.
Conan O’Brien (grinning, arms outstretched):
"Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to what may be my final adventure before Florida officially claims my soul."
Cue sweeping theme music as a montage plays: Conan screaming on a roller coaster, nearly falling off a jet ski, dodging a seagull attack, and nervously petting a manatee while whispering, ‘Please don’t eat me.’
Conan:
"That’s right, we’re about to embark on the ultimate Florida road trip! Over the next five days, I’ll be dragging some of my favorite celebrity friends through this great state’s most wild, ridiculous, and downright dangerous experiences—because what is Florida, if not a beautiful, sun-soaked lawsuit waiting to happen?"
Cut to a speedboat zipping through the Everglades. Kevin Hart is screaming. Matthew McConaughey is serenely meditating. Conan is clutching a life vest like a newborn baby.
Conan:
"We’re talking about beaches, theme parks, roller coasters, rocket launches, swamps full of prehistoric monsters, and a collection of Floridians who make every episode of ‘Florida Man’ headlines look like a documentary."
The shot cuts to Bert Kreischer chugging a beer at 9 AM while a parrot sits on his shoulder. Cut to Tiffany Haddish salsa dancing in Miami, then to The Rock effortlessly lifting Conan like a suitcase.
Conan (pointing at the camera):
"And here’s the best part—I’ve assembled a team of absolutely unhinged, adventure-loving, and probably mildly dangerous celebrity guests to join me every step of the way."
Meet the Guest Stars!
The screen flashes with chaotic clips of each celebrity in action, complete with overly dramatic voice-over narration.
Day 1: Miami & The Florida Keys – Beach Vibes & Latin Culture
- With guests: Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Pitbull, and Tiffany Haddish
- Featuring: A mystery tour guide who knows Miami’s hidden speakeasies and the secrets of Al Capone’s escape tunnels.
- Expect: Salsa dancing disasters, Conan failing at snorkeling, and a life-threatening mojito overdose.
Day 2: Orlando – Theme Park Chaos & Secret Disney Tunnels
- With guests: Ryan Reynolds, Jack Black, and Joey Fatone
- Featuring: A former Disney Imagineer who gives them a secret tour of the underground tunnels beneath Magic Kingdom.
- Expect: Conan screaming on Space Mountain, Jack Black fully embracing his inner Disney princess, and a butterbeer chugging contest gone horribly wrong.
Day 3: The Wild Side – NASA & Nature Takeover
- With guests: Bill Nye, Jeff Goldblum, and Jim Cantore
- Featuring: A NASA engineer and a wildlife guide who lets them swim with manatees (terrible idea).
- Expect: A near-death experience in a zero-gravity simulator, Goldblum philosophizing about alligators being “time travelers”, and Conan screaming for his life in a swamp.
Day 4: Tampa & The Gulf Coast – Thrill Rides & Seagull Attacks
- With guests: Terry Crews, Will Smith, and Bert Kreischer
- Featuring: A former zookeeper who gives them backstage access to Busch Gardens’ most terrifying animals.
- Expect: Conan getting bullied by a hippo, Bert declaring war on seagulls, and Will Smith instigating a high-speed jet ski race.
Day 5: The Everglades & Naples – The Final Test
- With guests: Matthew McConaughey, Kevin Hart, and Flo Rida
- Featuring: A swamp survivalist who may or may not have fought an alligator with his bare hands.
- Expect: Conan running from a prehistoric beast, McConaughey having a deep conversation with a dolphin, and Kevin Hart losing his mind over mysterious swamp noises.
Back to Conan – The Final Warning
Cut back to Conan, standing dramatically on a boardwalk in the Everglades. The sun sets behind him. A lone alligator watches ominously from the water.
Conan (narrowing his eyes):
"This is it. Five days. Five chances for Florida to finally break me. Will I survive? Will I finally learn how to salsa dance? Will I get arrested? Only time will tell."
He points at the camera, intensity rising.
Conan:
"Buckle up, people. This is not just a vacation. This is a Florida adventure. And I regret everything already."
Cue overly dramatic rock music as the screen fades to black.
Title Screen:
CONAN O’BRIEN’S FLORIDA TAKEOVER
"A trip that should’ve never happened, but did anyway."
(Note: This is an imaginary conversation, a creative exploration of an idea, and not a real speech or event.)
Day 1: Miami Madness – Salsa, Sunsets & Surprise Encounters
(Featuring Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Pitbull, Tiffany Haddish, and a Secret Tour Guide)
Scene 1: Sunrise at South Beach – A Chaotic Start
The Miami sun is just peeking over the horizon, painting the sky with streaks of pink, gold, and fiery orange. The salty ocean breeze carries the scent of fresh empanadas from a nearby Cuban café. Seagulls caw overhead as early risers jog along the shoreline.
Conan O’Brien (adjusting his sunglasses, yawning):
"Wow. Miami really wakes up looking like a postcard. It’s unfair. My mornings usually start with me staring into a fridge full of expired yogurt."
Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson (stretching, already in an intense beach workout mode):
"That’s because you don’t start your day like a champion, Conan. You gotta hit the gym at 4 AM, eat seven pancakes, then deadlift a car."
Tiffany Haddish (sipping a mimosa, wrapped in a ridiculously fluffy robe):
"Y’all crazy. You know how I start my day? Not waking up. Someone better bring me a Cuban coffee before I turn feral."
Just then, a golf cart screeches to a stop on the boardwalk. A man in mirrored aviators and a linen suit jumps out.
Secret Tour Guide (grinning, arms wide open):
"Welcome to Miami! I’m Carlos, your guide to the hidden side of this city. Forget the tourist traps—I’m taking you to places even Pitbull doesn’t know about."
Pitbull (adjusting his all-white suit, offended):
"Excuse me?! Mr. Worldwide knows every hot spot in the 305. But let’s see what you got, papi."
Scene 2: Ocean Drive – Where Art Deco Meets Chaos
The group strolls down Ocean Drive, where neon signs buzz faintly even in daylight. Classic convertibles roll by, salsa music spills from open-air cafés, and the air smells like fresh seafood and expensive cologne.
Conan (pointing at a pastel-colored Art Deco building):
"These hotels look like Wes Anderson designed them after a wild night in Vegas."
Carlos (nodding, lowering his voice dramatically):
"Did you know that beneath Ocean Drive, there’s a secret tunnel once used by Al Capone to escape the cops?"
Tiffany Haddish (excited):
"Wait. A real gangster tunnel? Can we go in?"
Carlos:
"Technically no, because it’s collapsed. But if you guys want to see something crazy, there’s a hidden speakeasy behind that empanada stand."
Carlos walks up to a food cart selling empanadas, says something in Spanish, and suddenly—WHOOSH!—a hidden door swings open, leading to a dimly lit bar.
Pitbull (nodding approvingly):
"Now THIS is Miami. Let’s get some mojitos!"
Scene 3: Little Havana – A Salsa Showdown
The scent of roasted coffee and fresh tobacco fills the air as they enter Little Havana. The group walks past old Cuban men playing dominoes in Domino Park, their laughter mixing with the rhythmic beats of a live salsa band playing outside a café.
Conan (watching the domino players intensely):
"I don’t know how they do it. They slam those tiles down like they’re declaring war."
The Rock (laughing):
"It’s not just a game, Conan. It’s life or death for them."
A waitress arrives with a tray of steaming Cuban sandwiches and tiny espresso shots.
Carlos:
"Alright, fun fact—this is Miami’s strongest coffee. One sip and you’ll feel like you can lift a car."
Tiffany Haddish (downing the whole shot at once):
"Oh my god. I can see through time."
Conan (taking a sip, immediately sweating):
"WHY IS MY HEART BEATING IN SALSA RHYTHM?!"
Suddenly, a salsa dancer grabs Conan and pulls him into the center of a dance circle. A crowd cheers as he flails wildly.
Pitbull (laughing, clapping to the beat):
"Come on, Conan, move those ginger hips!"
Scene 4: Key Largo – Snorkeling & Chaos
The drive down to Key Largo is pure Florida magic. The Overseas Highway stretches across turquoise waters, with the sun sparkling off the waves like liquid gold. Boats drift lazily, and pelicans dive for fish. The group arrives at a secluded cove where the water is crystal clear, revealing schools of neon fish and coral reefs below.
Carlos (grinning, tossing snorkel gear at them):
"Alright, who’s ready to swim with sharks?"
Conan (freezing mid-air):
"Wait. SHARKS?!"
The Rock (laughing):
"Relax, they’re nurse sharks. Totally harmless."
Tiffany Haddish (already paddling away on a floatie):
"Y’all enjoy that. I’ll be over here, chillin’ with zero chance of becoming fish food."
Pitbull, The Rock, and Conan dive in. Below the surface, fish dart between coral while a few small, harmless sharks glide by. The moment is peaceful… until Conan panics at the sight of a stingray and starts flailing wildly.
Conan (muffled screams through snorkel):
"IT’S A SEA MONSTER! IT’S COMING FOR ME!"
Above the water, Tiffany and Carlos are dying laughing.
Pitbull (grabbing Conan’s flailing arms):
"Bro. That’s just a stingray. You’re in its house."
Carlos:
"Fun fact: Steve Irwin’s tragic accident made people fear stingrays, but they’re actually gentle—unless you land on one."
The Rock:
"And Conan, you’re like a 6’4” human spaghetti noodle. Nobody’s mistaking you for a threat."
The group eventually relaxes, floating in the warm waters as the sun sets in a fiery blaze over the horizon. The sky turns pink, orange, and deep purple as they enjoy the perfect Miami ending.
Final Scene: Sunset Dinner in Key Largo
The group sits at an open-air seafood shack, toasting with coconut cocktails. The salty breeze, the scent of grilled fish, and the sound of waves create a perfect, laid-back atmosphere.
Conan (raising his glass):
"Well, I panicked multiple times today, almost died from caffeine, and got dragged into an underground bar. I’d say this was a success."
Pitbull (grinning):
"Welcome to Miami, baby!"
Tiffany Haddish:
"Now let’s get dessert before Conan passes out from adrenaline overdose."
Day 2: Orlando Thrills – Theme Parks, Secrets & Scream-Worthy Rides
(Featuring Ryan Reynolds, Jack Black, Joey Fatone, and a Former Disney Imagineer as the Secret Tour Guide)
Scene 1: Early Morning Drive to Orlando – The Calm Before the Storm
The sun is barely up as the gang loads into a decked-out tour van heading from Miami to Orlando. Outside, the scenery shifts from neon-lit Miami streets to Florida’s open highways, lined with endless billboards for Disney, Universal, and… questionable alligator wrestling shows.
Conan O’Brien (leaning out the van window, reading a billboard):
"‘Come see The World’s Angriest Gator!’ I feel like Florida just gets me."
Jack Black (holding a massive bag of snacks):
"I respect a state that markets itself on danger and Disney magic."
Ryan Reynolds (stretching in the backseat):
"I feel like this road trip is going to end with one of us in a theme park jail."
Joey Fatone (Orlando native, sipping coffee):
"As a local, I’m just here to make sure none of you get banned from my hometown."
Secret Tour Guide (our former Disney Imagineer, adjusting his Mickey Mouse tie):
"Trust me, you have no idea what’s coming. I’m getting you into places the general public will never see."
Conan:
"Wait. Are we going underground? I’ve always heard rumors about Disney’s secret tunnels!"
Tour Guide (grinning):
"Oh, you’re getting the VIP experience. But first, let’s see if you survive Magic Kingdom at peak tourist hours."
Scene 2: Magic Kingdom – Chaos at Cinderella’s Castle
The moment they step into Magic Kingdom, they’re hit with a wall of cotton candy-scented air, orchestral Disney music, and a parade of exhausted parents pushing strollers like battle chariots. Mickey and Minnie wave from a distance as Cinderella’s Castle towers overhead.
Jack Black (spinning in circles, arms wide open):
"IT’S BEAUTIFUL! I WANNA BE A PRINCESS!"
Ryan Reynolds (already wearing Mickey ears, pointing at the crowds):
"This is the happiest place on Earth… but only if you don’t count the souls of the parents who’ve been in line for six hours."
Conan (watching a dad lose it while a kid cries over spilled ice cream):
"I’ve never seen a man reconsider his entire life faster."
Tour Guide:
"Alright, time for your first secret perk—we’re skipping all the lines today."
Joey Fatone:
"Wait… are we about to break some Disney laws?"
Tour Guide:
"Not exactly. But I do have an unofficial way to get us through doors meant for Disney executives only…"
Scene 3: Behind the Scenes – Secret Disney Tunnels
The group follows the tour guide through a door that looks like an ordinary staff entrance. Suddenly, they’re underground, walking through the infamous Disney Utilidors, a hidden tunnel system beneath the park.
Conan (whispering, eyes wide):
"This is like sneaking into the Pentagon, but with… way more mouse ears."
Jack Black (excitedly pointing at cast members in costume taking breaks):
"OH MY GOD. THERE’S A PRINCESS EATING A BURGER! MY WHOLE CHILDHOOD WAS A LIE."
Tour Guide:
"Yup. This is where Cinderella takes off her glass slippers and throws on Crocs during her lunch break."
Ryan Reynolds:
"So, technically, we could just pop out of the floor anywhere in the park, like a magical Whac-A-Mole?"
Joey Fatone:
"I’m officially scared about what Conan might do with this information."
Scene 4: Space Mountain – The Ride of Regrets
Back above ground, they approach Space Mountain, where the tour guide waves them past the hour-long line. The queue is dark, glowing with eerie blue light. The scent of fake fog and adrenaline fills the air.
Jack Black (bouncing on his heels):
"I AM READY FOR LIFTOFF, BABY!"
Ryan Reynolds (smirking at Conan):
"You okay, man? You look like you just saw a ghost in the tunnels."
Conan (swallowing hard):
"I have a long history of making dumb decisions. This feels like one of them."
They strap in. The ride takes off. Pure darkness. Sudden drops. The sound of Conan screaming in fear while Jack Black sings the Star Wars theme at full volume.
As the ride ends, they stumble off, hair standing on end.
Joey Fatone:
"Okay. That was the greatest sound I’ve ever heard. Conan screaming like a haunted muppet."
Conan (legs shaking):
"Did I black out? Did I see Walt Disney’s ghost?"
Scene 5: Universal Studios – The Great Butterbeer Chugging Contest
By afternoon, they enter Universal Studios and head straight to The Wizarding World of Harry Potter. The air smells of buttered popcorn, fresh waffle cones, and faint magic.
Jack Black (holding a wand, dramatically casting spells):
"EXPELLIARMUS! …No? Nothing? Do I not have the magic touch?"
Ryan Reynolds:
"Dude, I think the spell for turning yourself into a human gremlin already worked years ago."
Tour Guide:
"Alright, guys. Time for an Orlando tradition—who can chug a Butterbeer the fastest?"
Joey Fatone (rolling up his sleeves):
"As an Orlando native, I accept this challenge."
Conan (narrowing his eyes):
"I refuse to lose to a former boyband member."
A bartender slides over four massive mugs of Butterbeer. They chug. Chaos erupts. Jack Black wins but immediately regrets it.
Jack Black (groaning, clutching his stomach):
"I FLEW TOO CLOSE TO THE SUN."
Ryan Reynolds (wiping foam from his face):
"That was like drinking a milkshake made of pure wizard happiness."
Conan:
"And also instant regret."
Final Scene: The Giant Ferris Wheel at ICON Park
As the sun sets, they ride The Wheel at ICON Park, soaring over Orlando’s skyline. The sky turns golden, the city lights flicker on, and for once, everything is peaceful.
Conan (gazing out at the view):
"You know… for all the near-death experiences today, this was kinda beautiful."
Ryan Reynolds:
"And by near-death, you mean me saving you from falling into a stroller pile-up?"
Jack Black (sipping another Butterbeer):
"I’m just glad I didn’t puke on Space Mountain. That’s personal growth."
Joey Fatone:
"Well, you guys survived Orlando. But tomorrow? We’re diving with manatees."
Conan:
"Manatees?! We’re just slowly working our way up the food chain until something eats me, aren’t we?"
Day 3: Space & Springs – Manatees, Rockets & Zero Gravity Chaos
(Featuring Bill Nye, Jeff Goldblum, Jim Cantore, and a Former NASA Engineer as the Secret Tour Guide)
Scene 1: Morning at Blue Spring State Park – Manatees & Chaos
The morning mist rolls over Blue Spring, where the water is impossibly clear, revealing slow-moving manatees drifting like underwater potatoes. Spanish moss dangles from the cypress trees, and the humid air carries the scent of fresh earth and river water.
Conan O’Brien (peering over a wooden boardwalk, whispering dramatically):
"This is it. This is where I die. Eaten by a giant, adorable sea cow."
Bill Nye (adjusting his signature bowtie, nodding):
"Ah yes, the West Indian manatee, Trichechus manatus. Fascinating creatures. Fun fact—manatees are so lazy, they only need to surface for air every twenty minutes."
Jim Cantore (storm-chasing meteorologist, already in waders):
"Another fun fact—manatees can sense a hurricane before humans do. I trust them more than I trust weather apps."
Jeff Goldblum (stroking his chin, deep in thought):
"Mm, yes, yes. Manatees. Gentle, round. A metaphor for life itself, wouldn’t you say? Floating, drifting, grazing… and yet, so misunderstood."
Conan (watching a giant manatee float up like a sentient marshmallow):
"I relate to this creature on a spiritual level."
Carlos, their secret tour guide, suddenly appears holding snorkeling gear.
Carlos (grinning):
"Who’s ready to SWIM with them?!"
Conan (backing away):
"Oh, no. I’ve seen this movie before. It’s called ‘Conan Gets Mauled by a Sea Pancake.’"
Jeff Goldblum (adjusting his glasses):
"Mmm, well, I say, nature calls, Conan. Plunge in. Become one with the manatee."
Moments later, Conan is in the water, awkwardly floating face-down as a giant manatee lazily bumps into him.
Conan (muffled scream through snorkel):
"IT TOUCHED ME. I’M IN A LIVE-ACTION PIXAR MOVIE."
Scene 2: Kennedy Space Center – The Nerds Take Over
An hour later, they arrive at NASA’s Kennedy Space Center. The massive Vehicle Assembly Building looms in the distance, while a giant Saturn V rocket rests on display. The scent of asphalt and excitement lingers in the humid Florida air.
Bill Nye (eyes sparkling, clapping his hands):
"Ahh, NASA. A place where humanity dared to dream beyond the clouds."
Conan (pointing at the launchpad):
"So, are we getting in a rocket or what?"
Carlos (grinning, waving them toward a restricted area):
"Follow me, amigos. We’re going behind the scenes where actual astronauts train."
Inside NASA’s Astronaut Training Facility
The group steps into a massive white-walled facility, where astronaut simulators, zero-gravity machines, and moon-walking platforms fill the space. The scent of fresh metal and machinery is thick in the air.
NASA Engineer Guide (smirking):
"Alright, which one of you wants to experience zero gravity?"
Jeff Goldblum (nodding sagely):
"Ah, yes, floating… much like a cosmic manatee."
Conan (strapping into a harness):
"Let’s do this. If Tom Cruise can do it, so can I."
The machine lifts Conan up. Suddenly, he’s weightless, flailing wildly like a wacky inflatable tube man outside a car dealership.
Conan (panicking, spinning in mid-air):
"WHY DIDN’T ANYONE TELL ME SPACE IS TERRIFYING?!"
Bill Nye (laughing, taking notes):
"Fascinating. His limbs are defying all known laws of physics."
Jim Cantore (filming it for The Weather Channel):
"This is a Category 5 Conan."
Scene 3: The Launch Simulator – Conan’s Existential Crisis
They move to the Launch Experience Simulator, a machine designed to mimic the exact feeling of blasting off into space. The room rumbles. Seatbelts tighten. A robotic voice counts down.
Voiceover:
"T-minus 10 seconds to launch."
Conan (gripping the armrests, sweating):
"I HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE."
The simulator explodes with movement. The sound is deafening. G-forces crush them into their seats. Conan’s face contorts into a nightmare Picasso painting.
Conan (shouting over the roar):
"THIS IS WHAT A CHICKEN NUGGET FEELS LIKE IN A DEEP FRYER!"
Jeff Goldblum (smiling serenely, eyes closed):
"Ah, yes. Sublime. The thrill of human ambition. The fragility of existence."
The simulator comes to an abrupt stop. Conan stumbles out, hair standing on end like he’s been electrocuted.
Conan (gasping for breath):
"Okay. NASA officially scares me more than manatees."
Scene 4: Cocoa Beach – Sand, Surf, and Too Many Seagulls
The gang heads to Cocoa Beach, famous for surf culture and rocket launches visible from shore. The waves crash gently, the sky is a fiery orange from the setting sun, and the salty breeze carries the sound of distant steel drums.
Carlos (grinning, handing Conan a surfboard):
"Alright, time for another Florida tradition—you’re learning to surf."
Conan (staring at the ocean):
"Great. More opportunities to be eaten."
Jim Cantore (watching the waves like a weatherman possessed):
"Wave conditions are PERFECT today. Good height, nice swell—10/10 surfing forecast."
Jeff Goldblum (studying the waves, nodding sagely):
"Mmm, yes, the ebb and flow… much like life itself. Nature, you are… delicious."
Conan (wobbling on the board, panicking as a tiny wave rolls in):
"OH NO. OH NO. HELP. I AM BECOMING ONE WITH THE SEA."
Bill Nye (cheering, clapping):
"You’re defying physics, Conan! Kinda!"
Conan crashes spectacularly into the water. A flock of aggressively confident seagulls immediately swoops in to investigate.
Conan (sputtering, covered in sand):
"Okay. That was an actual attack. The birds are in on it. Florida is trying to kill me."
Jim Cantore (laughing):
"Nature’s wrath, man. Nature’s wrath."
Final Scene: Dinner by the Beach – A Sunset Celebration
The group sits at a beachside seafood shack, sipping cold drinks as the sky turns cotton candy pink and deep purple. The scent of grilled fish and bonfire smoke drifts through the air.
Bill Nye (raising his glass):
"To the wonders of science, space, and the unkillable Conan O’Brien."
Jeff Goldblum (nodding thoughtfully):
"Mm, yes, to the adventure… and to the chaos of nature."
Conan (toasting, exhausted but happy):
"And to Florida, for trying very hard to get rid of me today."
Day 4: Gulf Coast Wild – Roller Coasters, Beach Races & Seagull Battles
(Featuring Terry Crews, Will Smith, Bert Kreischer, and an Ex-Zookeeper as the Secret Tour Guide)
Scene 1: Morning Drive to Busch Gardens – The Florida Man Energy Builds
The morning sun blazes over Florida’s open roads as the crew drives toward Busch Gardens Tampa Bay. The van is stocked with protein bars, questionable energy drinks, and Bert Kreischer’s “Florida Man” survival guide.
Conan O’Brien (reading Bert’s book aloud):
"‘Rule #1 of Florida: Never ask why someone is riding an alligator.’ This place is just a real-life episode of Fear Factor."
Terry Crews (pumping his fists, already in full hype mode):
"Theme parks. Roller coasters. WILD ANIMALS. I AM SO READY!"
Will Smith (nodding, grinning):
"This is gonna be legendary. But listen—if a gorilla challenges you to a staring contest, don’t accept."
Bert Kreischer (shirtless already, sipping a questionable margarita at 9 AM):
"Welcome to my home turf, boys. Florida is the only state where roller coasters and live tigers are in the same place."
Secret Tour Guide (a former Busch Gardens zookeeper, smirking):
"You guys are in luck—I’m taking you to the backstage animal enclosures. You ever feed a hippo up close?"
Conan (scooting away in his seat):
"How about… we don’t do that?"
Scene 2: Busch Gardens – Roller Coasters & Regrets
The entrance to Busch Gardens is a mix of jungle, theme park, and potential lawsuits. The air smells of popcorn, sunscreen, and pure adrenaline. The sound of people screaming on roller coasters blends with the distant roars of lions.
Bert Kreischer (chugging a beer, pointing at a ride):
"That’s SheiKra. A 200-foot-tall, 90-degree drop. Let’s hit it first!"
Conan (staring up at the massive coaster, pale-faced):
"THAT LOOKS LIKE A FORM OF PUNISHMENT."
Will Smith (laughing, slapping Conan’s back):
"Too late, man. You’re going in the front row."
They strap in. The coaster climbs higher… and higher… until it stops at the top, leaving them dangling face-down over the drop.
Conan (shouting at no one in particular):
"WHO DESIGNED THIS? WHO HURT YOU?"
The coaster drops. The wind howls. Conan’s screams echo across the park.
When they stumble off, Conan’s hair is permanently windblown, and Bert is somehow laughing and drinking another beer.
Terry Crews (pumping his fists):
"THAT. WAS. INCREDIBLE!"
Conan (clutching his chest, wheezing):
"That was an assault on gravity. I’m filing a police report."
Scene 3: Animal Encounter – Conan’s New Worst Fear
The crew moves to the backstage animal enclosures, where a ranger in khaki shorts leads them toward a hippo feeding area.
Tour Guide:
"Alright, folks. Who wants to feed Harry the Hippo?"
Conan (eyeing the hippo, shaking his head):
"You expect me to believe that thing’s name is Harry when it looks like a prehistoric tank with teeth?"
Bert Kreischer (already holding a watermelon):
"FEEDING TIME, BABY!"
Bert tosses the watermelon. The hippo crushes it instantly with a wet, thunderous chomp. Conan recoils.
Conan (pointing at the massive jaw power):
"Oh good. So that’s what my skull would sound like."
Terry Crews (laughing, flexing):
"If a hippo challenged me to a fight, I’d still take it."
Will Smith:
"Bro, that hippo would eat you like a protein bar."
Scene 4: Clearwater Beach – A Seagull Invasion
By afternoon, the gang arrives at Clearwater Beach. The sand is blindingly white, the ocean is clear and turquoise, and the air smells of salt and coconut sunscreen. Seagulls circle overhead like tiny feathery thieves.
Conan (sprawled on a beach chair, sighing in relief):
"Finally. A part of this trip where I’m not being strapped to a death machine or facing wild animals."
At that moment, Bert opens a bag of fries. Seagulls descend like a biblical plague.
Bert (screaming, running in circles):
"AHHHH THEY WANT THE FRIES! THEY WANT MY SOUL!"
Terry Crews (sprinting into the water):
"RETREAT! RETREAT!"
Conan (watching the chaos, sipping a piña colada):
"This is better than television."
The seagulls eventually lose interest, and the crew collapses into beach chairs.
Will Smith:
"Alright, next challenge. We rent jet skis and race."
Scene 5: Jet Ski Mayhem – Conan’s Speed Crisis
The sun sets over the ocean, casting everything in deep gold and fiery orange. The water is smooth as glass… until Conan accidentally hits the throttle too hard.
Conan (screaming, his jet ski taking off at 50mph):
"HOW DO I STOP THIS THING?"
Bert Kreischer (chasing him, laughing maniacally):
"FASTER! SEND IT!"
Will Smith:
"If Conan wipes out, I call dibs on his late-night show."
Terry Crews:
"I call dibs on his hair."
Conan manages to slow down, but only after crashing into a sandbank. When he stumbles onto shore, he’s soaked, covered in sand, and traumatized.
Conan (gasping, hands on knees):
"I JUST LIVED THROUGH A FAST & FURIOUS MOVIE."
Tour Guide (grinning):
"Well, congrats, guys. You survived Florida’s Gulf Coast. Barely."
Final Scene: St. Pete Pier – A Sunset Feast
The crew sits at a seafood shack at St. Pete Pier, the sky glowing purple and pink. The scent of grilled fish and fried hush puppies fills the air.
Conan (raising a glass of rum punch):
"To Florida: a state that tried very hard to kill me today."
Bert Kreischer:
"And to hippos. And seagulls."
Terry Crews:
"And to Conan, for somehow surviving everything we threw at him."
Will Smith:
"And to tomorrow—because we’re going into the Everglades."
Conan (freezing mid-drink):
"Wait. The Everglades? As in alligators and swamp monsters?"
The group laughs as the camera pans to the horizon. A lone gator watches from the water, waiting.
Day 5: Swamp Survival – Airboats, Alligators & A Sunset Farewell
(Featuring Matthew McConaughey, Kevin Hart, Flo Rida, and a Swamp Survivalist as the Secret Tour Guide)
Scene 1: Sunrise Drive to the Everglades – Suspicion & Swamp Warnings
The van barrels down an empty highway, deep into the heart of Florida’s wilderness. The morning sun is an orange fireball, casting long shadows over the endless stretch of swamp, cypress trees, and suspiciously large birds watching them like gangsters.
Conan O’Brien (staring out the window, gulping):
"Okay, real talk. Are we about to be fed to alligators?"
Kevin Hart (scrolling through his phone, shaking his head):
"I looked this place up. You know what comes up when you Google ‘Everglades survival stories’? NOTHING. You know why? BECAUSE NO ONE SURVIVES."
Matthew McConaughey (leaning back, arms crossed, grinning):
"Mm, yeah, but that’s the beauty of it, my friends. You see, the swamp… she welcomes you, but she doesn’t promise you’ll leave."
Flo Rida (laughing, adjusting his sunglasses):
"Nah, y’all good. This is Florida’s backyard. We just gotta show respect."
Secret Tour Guide (a rugged swamp survivalist, stepping out of the bushes like he spawned from the wild):
"Alright, city boys. Welcome to the real Florida."
Scene 2: Airboat Ride – Conan vs. The Alligators
The group hops onto a shiny airboat, the swamp grass hissing as the wind moves through it. The air is thick with the scent of mud, mystery, and maybe something prehistoric lurking nearby. The engine roars, and suddenly they’re speeding across the water, weaving between cypress trees and sunbathing gators.
Conan (clutching his seat, screaming over the wind):
"THIS FEELS LIKE A BAD DECISION!"
Kevin Hart (laughing, filming Conan’s terror on his phone):
"This is 100% going on Instagram."
Flo Rida (calm, hands behind his head):
"Man, I grew up on these waters. Y’all acting like you just saw a dinosaur."
At that exact moment, a 12-foot alligator slaps the water with its tail. Conan’s soul leaves his body.
Conan (screaming, clutching Kevin):
"THAT’S A FREAKING DINOSAUR!"
Matthew McConaughey (nodding, unimpressed):
"Mm-hmm. That’s Ricky. He’s chill. Just don’t look him in the eyes too long."
Secret Tour Guide (grinning):
"Who wants to feed him?"
Conan (dead serious):
"NO. WHY IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION?!"
Scene 3: The Everglades Swamp Walk – A Horrible Idea
The boat stops at a small wooden dock, and the group steps into knee-deep swamp water for what the guide calls "a light nature stroll." Spanish moss drips from trees, and every step sloshes ominously.
Kevin Hart (waving his arms, panicked):
"WHY ARE WE WALKING IN A PLACE WHERE THINGS EAT PEOPLE?"
Flo Rida (laughing):
"Relax, man. If something bites, you just bite back."
Conan (holding onto a tree for dear life):
"I’m gonna die in Kevin Hart’s Instagram story."
A rustling noise. Silence. Then—SPLASH! Something big moves nearby.
Conan (sprinting back to the dock at Olympic speed):
"NOPE. NOPE. GOODBYE FOREVER."
Matthew McConaughey (smirking, shaking his head):
"You gotta let the swamp accept you, man."
Kevin Hart (pointing at the ripples in the water):
"THAT AIN’T ACCEPTANCE, MATT. THAT’S A SWAMP MONSTER."
Scene 4: Naples Pier – Dolphins & Rich People Watching
After barely surviving the swamp, the group drives west to Naples, where the air smells like ocean breeze, suntan lotion, and untaxed wealth. The Naples Pier stretches out into the Gulf of Mexico, and gentle waves lap against the wooden pillars.
Conan (sitting on the pier, still shaken):
"Alright. No gators. No monsters. Just dolphins. I can handle this."
Flo Rida (pointing at a yacht in the distance):
"That’s how you know we’re in Naples—people here own boats bigger than malls."
Matthew McConaughey (watching a dolphin leap out of the water):
"Mmm, look at that. The poetry of the ocean. You ever think maybe we’re the aliens?"
Kevin Hart:
"Not now, Matt. We’re trying to process our trauma."
A dolphin playfully splashes Conan. Conan sighs, defeated.
Conan:
"Even the dolphins are bullying me."
Scene 5: Sanibel Island – The World’s Most Intense Seashell Hunt
Sanibel Island is famous for seashells. The sand is soft as powdered sugar, and the water is as clear as glass. Tourists bend over, collecting shells like it’s a treasure hunt.
Secret Tour Guide:
"Alright, fun fact—Sanibel has some of the rarest shells in the world. Some people pay thousands for a perfect Junonia shell."
Conan (grinning, cracking his knuckles):
"So what you’re saying is… this is now a competition."
Kevin Hart (already sprinting down the beach):
"I’M GONNA BE RICH!"
Flo Rida:
"Nah, man, it’s about the art."
Matthew McConaughey (picking up a random shell, whispering to it):
"This one… chose me."
Scene 6: Fort Myers Beach – A Sunset Celebration
The last stop of the trip is Fort Myers Beach, where a bonfire crackles and the smell of grilled seafood fills the air. The ocean glows as the sun melts into the horizon, and tiki torches flicker around them.
Conan (raising his drink, looking at the sunset):
"You know what? This almost makes up for being chased by a swamp demon."
Kevin Hart (grinning, raising his glass):
"And for the record? I won the seashell contest."
Flo Rida (laughing):
"Nah, man, the ocean wins every time."
Matthew McConaughey (smiling, nodding at the waves):
"And thus, the journey ends, as all things must… but the ocean, she keeps whispering, doesn’t she?"
Conan:
"…You’ve been talking to that shell all night, haven’t you?"
The End: Florida Survived… But Conan Barely Did
As the camera zooms out, the Florida coastline stretches into the distance. A lone alligator watches from the shore… waiting for Conan to return.
Conan (pointing at the gator):
"YOU DIDN’T GET ME THIS TIME, FLORIDA."
Final Reflection – Florida Survival Diary
The screen fades in to a slow-motion montage: the sun setting over the Everglades, a roller coaster twisting through the sky, seagulls circling aggressively over Clearwater Beach, and Conan sprinting away from an alligator like his life depends on it (because it probably does). The music swells, dramatic yet oddly inspirational.
Conan O’Brien (standing barefoot on the beach, staring at the horizon, a piña colada in one hand):
"Well, folks… I made it. Five days. Five days of sheer chaos, questionable decision-making, and more encounters with prehistoric murder lizards than I ever wanted."
Cut to quick clips of the past five days—Conan screaming on a roller coaster, getting body-checked by a hippo, failing at salsa dancing, and looking genuinely betrayed by a manatee who dared to bump into him.
Conan:
"This trip was a test. A test of endurance, survival, and how much Florida insanity one man can physically withstand."
Cue a dramatic flashback to Kevin Hart yelling in the swamp, Matthew McConaughey whispering to a seashell, and The Rock effortlessly lifting Conan onto his shoulders like a confused toddler.
Conan (shaking his head, sighing):
"I’ve learned a lot. I’ve learned that Disney has a secret underground city, that Miami coffee could power a rocket, and that if a seagull ever looks at you sideways, it means you’re already dead."
Cut to Bert Kreischer getting attacked by a flock of seagulls while holding a hot dog. The camera zooms in on Conan’s horrified face.
Conan (nodding solemnly):
"But most importantly, I’ve learned that Florida is not just a place. Florida is a state of mind. A wild, sun-soaked, alligator-filled fever dream where anything can happen and probably will."
The montage slows. The camera zooms in on the waves gently lapping at the shore, as a dolphin leaps gracefully in the distance. It’s beautiful. It’s poetic. It’s—
Conan (watching the dolphin, shaking his head):
"That thing is probably laughing at me."
Final Goodbyes
The gang—The Rock, Kevin Hart, Jack Black, Pitbull, McConaughey, and the rest of the chaotic ensemble—gathers around a bonfire on Fort Myers Beach, drinks in hand, exhausted but victorious.
Tiffany Haddish (raising her glass):
"To Conan—who survived Florida against all odds."
Flo Rida:
"Yeah, man. You’re one of us now."
Conan (suspicious):
"Wait. What does that mean? Do I have to get a Florida tattoo now?!"
Matthew McConaughey (smiling, leaning back in his chair):
"Nah, man. You just gotta feel the rhythm of the swamp."
The sound of distant banjo music plays. Somewhere, an alligator winks at the camera.
Final Shot – Conan’s Last Words to the Audience
Conan walks alone down the beach, the city lights of Florida glowing behind him. He turns to face the camera, the wind dramatically blowing through his now permanently windblown hair.
Conan (staring at the camera, serious):
"So… would I do it all again?"
Long pause. The ocean waves crash. Crickets chirp.
Conan (grinning, shaking his head):
"Absolutely. Not."
He takes a sip of his drink, sighs deeply, and walks away as the credits roll over a montage of all his worst Florida moments.
Final Title Card:
"CONAN O’BRIEN’S FLORIDA TAKEOVER: The Trip That Should Have Never Happened."
"Now streaming in the nightmares of late-night hosts everywhere."
Short Bios:
Conan O’Brien
A legendary late-night host, comedian, and writer, Conan O’Brien is known for his quick wit, self-deprecating humor, and fearless approach to adventure—often leading to hilarious misadventures.
Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson
Actor, former pro wrestler, and all-around powerhouse, The Rock brings his signature charm, larger-than-life energy, and an uncanny ability to lift anything (including Conan) to the trip.
Pitbull
Mr. Worldwide himself, Pitbull is a Miami-born rapper, entrepreneur, and global ambassador of party vibes, making sure the Florida adventure stays upbeat with music and energy.
Tiffany Haddish
A bold and hilarious comedian and actress, Tiffany Haddish keeps the trip unpredictable with her fearless personality, infectious laughter, and ability to turn any moment into comedy gold.
Ryan Reynolds
Actor, entrepreneur, and sarcasm expert, Ryan Reynolds adds dry humor and quick-witted commentary, ensuring every Florida mishap becomes even more entertaining.
Jack Black
Musician, comedian, and actor, Jack Black brings boundless energy, physical comedy, and an unapologetic enthusiasm for theme park rides and all things ridiculous.
Joey Fatone
Orlando native and former NSYNC member, Joey Fatone knows Florida inside out and adds a local's perspective while making sure the group doesn’t get banned from theme parks.
Bill Nye
The Science Guy himself, Bill Nye injects nerdy wisdom, explaining the physics of roller coasters, space travel, and why Conan’s jet ski wipeout was inevitable.
Jeff Goldblum
Actor and philosopher of life’s strangest moments, Jeff Goldblum provides eccentric and poetic insights about Florida, nature, and the deeper meaning of alligator encounters.
Jim Cantore
Famous Weather Channel meteorologist and storm chaser, Jim Cantore gives real-time analysis of Florida’s unpredictable weather, ensuring the group doesn't accidentally end up in a hurricane.
Terry Crews
Actor, former NFL player, and human embodiment of enthusiasm, Terry Crews keeps spirits high, flexing through any challenge while providing inspirational pep talks.
Will Smith
Actor, rapper, and thrill-seeker, Will Smith ensures the adventure stays exciting, bringing humor, charisma, and a strong willingness to push Conan out of his comfort zone.
Bert Kreischer
Comedian and Florida native, Bert Kreischer is the ultimate “Florida Man,” ready to embrace every wild situation with an open beer and a full-speed approach to fun.
Matthew McConaughey
Actor and philosopher, McConaughey takes a laid-back approach, sharing deep thoughts about nature, the rhythm of the ocean, and why life is just one big, beautiful adventure.
Kevin Hart
Comedian and actor, Kevin Hart adds fast-talking, high-energy reactions to every unexpected Florida encounter—especially when it involves alligators or deep water.
Flo Rida
Miami-born rapper and hitmaker, Flo Rida ensures the trip stays true to Florida’s vibrant music scene, bringing party energy and local insights to every stop.
Carlos (Miami Tour Guide)
A charismatic insider who knows Miami’s hidden spots, underground speakeasies, and the wildest stories behind South Beach’s history.
Former Disney Imagineer (Orlando Guide)
An ex-Disney theme park designer with access to behind-the-scenes secrets, including hidden tunnels, VIP perks, and little-known Easter eggs.
NASA Engineer (Space & Nature Guide)
A real-life rocket scientist who shares insider knowledge about space travel, astronaut training, and why Conan should never operate advanced machinery.
Swamp Survivalist (Everglades Guide)
A rugged Florida wilderness expert with a larger-than-life personality—whether he’s actually wrestled an alligator or just tells a great story about it is up for debate. He’s here to teach the group essential survival skills… or at the very least, how to avoid becoming part of the food chain.
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