Ultimate 5-Day Thailand Adventure with Conan: Chaos & Culture

[Scene opens with Conan O’Brien standing in front of the Grand Palace in Bangkok, dressed in a ridiculous oversized floral Hawaiian shirt, sunglasses, and a straw hat that looks like it was stolen from a tiki bar.]

Conan O’Brien: (grinning at the camera)
"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, people who clicked on this out of pure curiosity—welcome to what may be the most chaotic, ridiculous, and possibly life-threatening adventure of my career…

*"That’s right, I, Conan O’Brien, am taking you on an epic five-day tour of Thailand—a land of *majestic temples, legendary street food, ancient ruins, wild elephants, beautiful beaches, and, most importantly, world-class opportunities for me to embarrass myself in front of the Thai people."

[A tuk-tuk speeds past him, nearly hitting him. He jumps back dramatically.]

"Ah yes, Thailand! A country where even crossing the street is an extreme sport!"

"Now, obviously, I could not do this alone. I have assembled an elite team of comedians, Hollywood icons, and absolute maniacs to join me on this adventure. And somehow, I also convinced a bunch of Thai superstars to tag along and help translate all the dumb things I’m about to say."

"So let’s break it down."

Meet My Chaotic Travel Crew

• Day 1 – Bangkok: I’ll be navigating the temples and markets of this glorious capital with Jack Black, Tina Fey, and Thai superstar Mario Maurer. Expect high-energy chaos, terrible fashion choices, and at least one incident involving spicy food and regret.
• Day 2 – Ayutthaya: We go back in time to Thailand’s ancient capital with Will Ferrell, Kristen Wiig, and action legend Tony Jaa. Get ready for elephant rides, ghost stories, and a full reenactment of an ancient battle—but with worse coordination.
• Day 3 – Chiang Mai: Things take a wild turn as I bathe elephants, eat fiery Northern Thai cuisine, and get thrown into an impromptu Muay Thai match. Joining me? Ryan Reynolds, Emma Stone, and Thai sensation Baifern Pimchanok. Ryan will definitely prank me. Emma will pretend to be helpful. Baifern will have to apologize to Thai people for our behavior.
• Day 4 – Phuket: Island-hopping madness with Jason Momoa, Melissa McCarthy, and Lisa from BLACKPINK. Expect snorkeling, pirate stories, and at least one monkey-related theft. Also, Jason will probably lose a fight to a chili pepper.
• Day 5 – Phuket Finale: My ultimate challenge—a real Muay Thai fight. Coaching me? Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, Rebel Wilson, and Lisa again (because she enjoyed watching me suffer the first time). This will either be an inspiring story of perseverance… or a five-second knockout that ends my career.

Why Are We Doing This?

"Now, you might be wondering, ‘Conan, what’s the point of all this? Are you searching for meaning? Are you hoping to find yourself in Thailand?’"

*"No. Absolutely not. I am here to *cause chaos, eat everything in sight, and prove once and for all that a tall, awkward Irishman can survive in a land of Muay Thai warriors and spice levels that defy medical science."

*"So buckle up, grab a Thai iced tea, and get ready for five days of *non-stop adventure, bad decisions, and the kind of comedy that happens when I’m just barely clinging to survival."

"Let’s do this. Let’s go Thailand!"

[Cue dramatic travel montage: Conan running from monkeys, Conan getting soaked by an elephant, Conan screaming while eating spicy food, and Conan falling dramatically in a Muay Thai match.]

[TOUR BEGINS NOW.]

(Note: This is an imaginary conversation, a creative exploration of an idea, and not a real speech or event.) 

Day 1 – Iconic Landmarks & Cultural Wonders in Thailand

Setting: The golden glow of sunrise bathes Bangkok’s bustling streets as tuk-tuks zip past, leaving trails of spice-scented air in their wake. The chatter of street vendors, the rhythmic clang of woks, and the distant echo of temple bells create a symphony of city life. The mighty Chao Phraya River glistens, reflecting the grandeur of Wat Arun, standing like an ancient guardian of history.

Scene 1: Grand Palace & Wat Phra Kaew – The Temple of the Emerald Buddha

(Conan, Jack, Tina, and Mario arrive at the Grand Palace, where their eccentric tour guide, Andrew Biggs, an Australian expat fluent in Thai, waits in a flamboyant silk shirt.)

Andrew Biggs: (gesturing dramatically) "Welcome, my intrepid explorers, to the Grand Palace—Thailand’s crown jewel, home to the Emerald Buddha! But first, let’s talk about the real secret—there’s a hidden alley nearby that sells the best mango sticky rice in Bangkok, made by an old woman who once cooked for the Thai royal family. We can go later, but let’s be respectful first—this is sacred ground!"

Jack Black: (whispers to Conan) "Sacred ground? So no belly dancing?"

Conan O’Brien: (grinning) "Jack, if you belly dance in front of the Emerald Buddha, we might get deported."

Mario Maurer: (chuckling) "You guys better behave. Thai people take their temples seriously."

Tina Fey: (mock-serious) "Wait, so I can’t live-tweet my newfound enlightenment?"

The group steps into the temple, the air thick with the scent of incense. Golden Buddha statues line the halls, their serene expressions glowing in the dim light. The Emerald Buddha, sitting atop its golden throne, radiates an almost mystical aura.

Jack Black: (whispers loudly) "You know, I feel like this Buddha is judging me. It’s like he knows I once ate an entire cheesecake in one sitting."

Andrew Biggs: (laughs) "That’s enlightenment, my friend. Self-awareness."

Scene 2: Wat Pho – The Reclining Buddha & Thai Massage Shenanigans

The gang strolls down the temple grounds, where the gigantic Reclining Buddha—151 feet long—shines with gold leaf, its massive feet inlaid with mother-of-pearl.

Tina Fey: (staring up) "Oh wow. I feel like this Buddha is showing off. ‘Look at me, I can nap in public and still be enlightened.’"

Conan O’Brien: "Honestly, this is the energy I aspire to."

They head outside to the famous Wat Pho massage school, where therapists trained in ancient Thai massage techniques welcome them.

Jack Black: "Wait, you’re telling me I can get punched by a tiny Thai grandma and feel amazing afterward? Let’s do it!"

As they lie down for their massages, Jack starts yodeling dramatically every time the masseuse applies pressure.

Jack Black: "AAAAAaaaaaaahhhHhhHhhhHh—OKAY, OKAY, I REGRET NOTHING!"

Tina Fey: (tearing up from laughter) "I don’t know if he’s in pain or summoning a demon."

Mario Maurer: (chuckling) "Nah, this is normal Thai massage behavior."

Scene 3: Lunch & River Ride – The Magic of Thai Street Food

The group ventures into a hidden alley where an elderly Thai woman, dressed in a simple sarong, serves up plates of mango sticky rice and pad Thai from a decades-old cart.

The scent of fresh coconut, caramelized sugar, and smoky wok-fried noodles fills the air.

Conan O’Brien: "This is unreal. I feel like my taste buds are having an out-of-body experience."

Tina Fey: (taking a bite) "I think I just became a better person."

Jack Black: (dramatically) "I have seen the light. And it is made of mango and sticky rice."

After lunch, they hop onto a long-tail boat, speeding through the klongs (canals) of old Bangkok. Wooden houses perch on stilts above the water, and children laugh as they splash in the murky but lively canals.

Mario Maurer: "Fun fact—Bangkok was once called ‘The Venice of the East’ because of these canals. But unlike Venice, we have floating noodle vendors instead of gondoliers."

Jack Black: (calling to a passing noodle vendor) "Hey, can I get a boat-to-boat delivery?"

The vendor expertly tosses a bowl of noodles across the water. Jack catches it, but Conan fumbles and nearly falls into the canal.

Conan O’Brien: (dripping wet) "It’s fine, it’s fine. Just baptizing myself in Thai culture."

Scene 4: Wat Arun & ICONSIAM – Sunset, Shopping, and Rooftop Laughs

As the sun sets, the group arrives at Wat Arun, the Temple of Dawn, which now glows under the orange-pink sky. The intricate porcelain details of the temple shimmer, reflecting the setting sun.

Tina Fey: "This is what Instagram was made for."

Conan O’Brien: "I don’t know, Tina. I feel like you should just experience it, y’know? Be in the moment."

Tina Fey: "Says the guy who fell into a canal five minutes ago."

Their last stop is ICONSIAM, Bangkok’s luxury riverside mall, where futuristic design meets traditional Thai charm.

Mario Maurer: "This place has a floating market inside a mall. It’s like time travel, but with better air-conditioning."

They end the night at Sky Bar, 63 floors above the city, where the skyline sparkles like a million stars.

Jack Black: (raising a toast) "To enlightenment, belly dancing Buddhas, and Conan’s questionable swimming skills."

Conan O’Brien: "I regret nothing. Well, except not catching that noodle bowl."

Andrew Biggs: "Tomorrow’s Ayutthaya. Ancient ruins, elephant rides, and maybe, just maybe, Jack finally achieving inner peace."

Jack Black: (dramatically) "I’M READY TO FIGHT AN ELEPHANT FOR ENLIGHTENMENT!"

Tina Fey: "That is not how Buddhism works."

Mario Maurer: (laughing) "This is going to be interesting."

[TO BE CONTINUED…]

Day 2 – Ancient Temples & River Adventures in Ayutthaya

Setting: The early morning sun casts a golden hue over Bangkok as the gang boards a private van bound for Ayutthaya, Thailand’s ancient capital. The air is thick with the scent of grilled pork skewers from roadside stalls, and the rhythmic clatter of motorbikes fills the streets. As they leave the city behind, lush rice fields and towering temple ruins emerge on the horizon, whispering tales of a glorious past.

Scene 1: Arrival in Ayutthaya – Welcome by a ‘Ghostly’ Tour Guide

The group steps out onto the dusty grounds of Wat Mahathat, where the famous Buddha head entwined in tree roots sits like a mystical relic of time. Their tour guide, Lek Viriyaphan, the eccentric "ghost" of Ayutthaya’s past, suddenly appears—wearing full traditional royal Thai attire, complete with a towering headdress.

Lek Viriyaphan: (dramatic) "Welcome, time travelers! You have arrived at the heart of the Kingdom of Ayutthaya. I was once an advisor to the king! And now, I am your humble guide. Ask me anything… but beware! This land has secrets."

Will Ferrell: (whispers to Conan) "I think we just met Thailand’s Shakespeare in the Park."

Conan O’Brien: "Or the world’s most committed LARP player."

Kristen Wiig: (playing along) "Tell us, wise spirit—was there, by chance, a McDonald’s in ancient Ayutthaya?"

Lek Viriyaphan: (solemnly) "Ah, but the true golden arches are the temple spires."

Tony Jaa: (laughing) "This guy is legendary. But wait, let me show you something cool."

Tony Jaa, martial arts master and star of Ong-Bak, suddenly leaps onto the ruins, performing a series of gravity-defying Muay Thai moves. Dust swirls around his feet as he lands with a dramatic bow.

Will Ferrell: (clapping) "Okay, I’ll do that too!" (attempts a jump but trips over his own foot)

Kristen Wiig: "He’s fine, folks! He just discovered gravity!"

Scene 2: Wat Phra Si Sanphet – A King’s Playground

The gang makes their way through Wat Phra Si Sanphet, the once-glorious royal temple with three towering stupas, standing like ancient guardians of history.

Conan O’Brien: "This is incredible. It’s like walking through the set of an Indiana Jones movie."

Will Ferrell: (gasps) "Wait… Conan… I think I left my wallet in 1350."

Kristen Wiig: "Oh no, Will. That’s terrible. Quick, let’s go back in time and retrieve it."

Suddenly, a group of elephants walks past, their mahouts guiding them gracefully.

Tony Jaa: "These are rescue elephants. They used to be used for logging, but now they live here in peace."

Will Ferrell: "Okay, but can I ride one? I want to be the King of Thailand for like five minutes."

Lek Viriyaphan: "The great kings of Ayutthaya rode elephants into battle. But first, you must prove your worth… by feeding them bananas."

Will and Conan start feeding bananas to an elephant, but Will accidentally drops a whole bunch at once. The elephant, thinking it’s an all-you-can-eat buffet, wraps its trunk around Will and lifts him into the air.

Will Ferrell: "AHHHHHH! I AM THE CHOSEN ONE!"

Kristen Wiig: (laughing) "This is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen."

Conan O’Brien: "You realize we can never let him down now. He’s an elephant king forever."

Scene 3: Bang Pa-In Summer Palace – A Royal Tea Party

After prying Will off the elephant, the group heads to Bang Pa-In Palace, a stunning complex of Thai, Chinese, and European-style architecture surrounded by tranquil ponds.

As they sit down at a lakeside pavilion, a server brings traditional Thai iced tea and coconut desserts.

Kristen Wiig: (sipping) "This tastes like heaven."

Conan O’Brien: "Agreed. If I had this every day, I’d be way more enlightened."

Will Ferrell: (suddenly serious) "I think I need to start wearing silk robes every day. This is my aesthetic now."

Tony Jaa: "If you do, you’ll need a golden umbrella and a team of attendants to fan you at all times."

Will Ferrell: "Done. I’ll start hiring immediately."

Scene 4: Boat Ride Through Ayutthaya’s Hidden Canals

The sun begins to set as they board a traditional wooden boat, gliding through Ayutthaya’s hidden canals, lined with old wooden houses and floating markets. The water reflects hues of orange and pink, creating a dreamlike atmosphere.

A local vendor paddles up with a boat full of grilled satay skewers.

Kristen Wiig: "Boat-to-boat snacks? This is peak vacation mode."

Conan O’Brien: (taking a bite) "This satay is so good, I might propose to it."

As they pass under an old stone bridge, a mysterious figure waves from the shadows of a crumbling temple.

Lek Viriyaphan: (hushed) "That, my friends, is the guardian of Ayutthaya. They say he appears only at sunset… and only to those who are truly worthy."

Will Ferrell: (yelling) "Hey buddy! Are we worthy or what?!"

The figure vanishes.

Kristen Wiig: (mock-whispers) "Okay. This just turned into an episode of Ghost Hunters."

Scene 5: Asiatique Night Market – Shopping & Goodbyes

Back in Bangkok, the group ends the day at Asiatique The Riverfront, a lively night market with glowing lanterns, street performers, and stalls selling everything from silk scarves to fried scorpions.

Tony Jaa: "Time for souvenirs! Maybe something to remember your elephant-riding moment, Will?"

Will Ferrell: (holding up an elephant-shaped hat) "Oh, I found something better. I’m never taking this off."

Kristen Wiig: (holding up a T-shirt) "Conan, this one says: ‘I fell into a canal in Thailand, and all I got was this lousy shirt.’"

Conan O’Brien: "I NEED IT."

The group gathers for a final toast with fresh coconut drinks as the city lights shimmer in the distance.

Conan O’Brien: "To Ayutthaya—the land of ancient kings, elephant royalty, and Will Ferrell’s new spiritual awakening."

Will Ferrell: "I regret nothing… except not getting a royal entourage."

Kristen Wiig: "Give it time. Maybe tomorrow in Chiang Mai."

Tony Jaa: "Oh, I promise tomorrow’s going to be even wilder."

[TO BE CONTINUED…]

Day 3 – Mountain Temples & Wildlife Encounters in Chiang Mai

Setting: As the first rays of sunrise bathe the misty mountains of Chiang Mai, the cool morning air carries the scent of blooming frangipani and freshly brewed Thai coffee. The city, nestled between lush green hills, hums softly as monks in saffron robes make their way down the narrow streets for their daily alms collection. The group, still half-asleep but buzzing with excitement, gears up for a day of temples, elephants, and pure chaos.

Scene 1: Doi Suthep – The Temple Above the Clouds

The van climbs the winding roads toward Wat Phra That Doi Suthep, perched high on a mountain overlooking Chiang Mai. The golden pagoda glows in the morning light, casting long shadows over the intricate Naga (serpent) staircase leading up to the temple.

Tour Guide, Kru Yod: (grinning) "Welcome to Doi Suthep. They say if you climb all 309 steps, you’ll reach enlightenment."

Conan O’Brien: "Or a heart attack."

Ryan Reynolds: "Wait, wait. Are you telling me I could’ve reached enlightenment years ago just by doing stair workouts?"

Emma Stone: "This explains why monks are in better shape than all of us."

As they begin the ascent, Ryan whispers something to a monk near the base of the stairs. Moments later, monks start chanting Conan’s name in unison as he climbs.

Conan O’Brien: (panting) "Are… are they blessing me… or mocking me?"

Ryan Reynolds: "Yes."

At the top, the scent of incense and freshly cut lotus flowers fills the air as worshippers gently shake small golden bells, sending delicate chimes into the breeze. Baifern, the Thai actress, guides them in the traditional ‘wai’ greeting before leading them inside the temple.

Baifern Pimchanok: "You can make a wish here. But be careful—wishes in temples are powerful."

Ryan smirks and clasps his hands together.

Ryan Reynolds: "I wish for Conan to be trapped inside a Muay Thai fight today."

Conan O’Brien: (nervously) "You joke, but Thailand takes its Muay Thai seriously."

Scene 2: Elephant Sanctuary – Bathing Elephants & Prank Wars

A short ride later, the gang arrives at an elephant sanctuary deep in the jungle, where rescued elephants roam freely, their enormous forms silhouetted against the emerald canopy.

The muddy scent of damp earth mingles with the fresh, citrusy aroma of nearby banana trees. A gentle rumbling sound vibrates through the air as the elephants greet their visitors.

Emma Stone: (eyes wide) "Okay, this is officially the best thing ever."

Ryan Reynolds: (patting an elephant) "I feel like we should start a boy band. ‘Ryan & The Pachyderms.’"

The caretaker hands Conan a bucket and a brush.

Caretaker: "You help bathe them now."

Conan steps into the river, only for an elephant to immediately spray him with its trunk, drenching him completely.

Conan O’Brien: "I’M BEING TARGETED. IT KNOWS."

Ryan Reynolds: (filming) "Ladies and gentlemen, the moment when Conan O’Brien lost an argument with an elephant."

As Emma and Baifern gently scrub a baby elephant, Ryan secretly scoops a handful of mud and casually tosses it at Conan.

Conan O’Brien: (stunned) "Oh. It’s war now, Reynolds."

A full-fledged mud fight ensues, with Conan chasing Ryan around an elephant while the caretakers shake their heads, wondering how these people made it to adulthood.

Scene 3: Nimmanhaemin Road – Hipster Cafés & Market Madness

After hosing themselves down, the gang heads to Nimmanhaemin Road, Chiang Mai’s trendy, artsy district lined with quirky cafés, indie shops, and hidden speakeasies.

They settle into a boho-style coffee shop, where baristas prepare Thai iced lattes with intricate latte art of Conan’s face.

Emma Stone: "This is disturbingly accurate."

Ryan Reynolds: (examining his) "Mine just looks like a potato. Are they trying to tell me something?"

The group wanders into a night market, where Ryan spots a stall selling Muay Thai shorts.

Ryan Reynolds: "Guys. What if… Conan enters a Muay Thai match wearing these?"

Baifern Pimchanok: "It’s probably the worst idea ever. I love it."

Conan O’Brien: "You all want me to get beaten up for entertainment, don’t you?"

Emma Stone: "I mean… kinda?"

Scene 4: Muay Thai Gym – Conan vs. A 12-Year-Old Prodigy

The group steps into a small, dimly lit Muay Thai gym, where the scent of leather gloves and sweat fills the air. The thudding sound of kicks against heavy bags echoes throughout the space.

A 12-year-old Thai boy, no taller than Conan’s waist, steps forward and bows politely.

Coach: "Conan, you fight him. He is Thailand’s junior Muay Thai champion."

Conan O’Brien: (gulping) "This is a setup. This is an actual setup."

Ryan Reynolds: "No, no, Conan. This is… destiny."

Conan throws the first punch, which the kid effortlessly dodges before landing a lightning-fast kick to Conan’s leg.

Conan O’Brien: "OH GOD, I’M DOWN. I’M DOWN."

Emma, Baifern, and Ryan collapse into laughter.

Coach: (laughing) "Good job, Conan! You learn fast."

Conan O’Brien: (groaning) "Yeah. I learned that I need an ambulance."

Scene 5: Chiang Mai Night Bazaar – Final Laughs & Street Food Feast

The night ends at Chiang Mai’s famous Night Bazaar, where the warm glow of lanterns illuminates the bustling street lined with vendors selling silk scarves, wooden carvings, and sizzling street food.

The group gathers at a street-side stall, where the vendor hands them bowls of fiery khao soi (curry noodles).

Emma Stone: (taking a bite) "Oh wow. This is life-changing."

Conan O’Brien: (wincing) "I’d enjoy it more if my legs still worked."

Ryan, still laughing from the Muay Thai debacle, secretly hands the vendor some money and whispers something.

Minutes later, the vendor delivers Conan’s dish, but instead of noodles, it’s an entire plate of red chilies.

Conan O’Brien: (deadpan) "Ryan, I hate you."

Ryan Reynolds: "No, no. This is your final Muay Thai challenge. Can you defeat the spice?"

As Conan takes a tiny bite and immediately bursts into tears, the entire table erupts in laughter, clinking their coconut drinks together.

Day 4 – Tropical Islands & Thrilling Experiences in Phuket

Setting: The salty breeze of the Andaman Sea carries the scent of coconut sunscreen and sizzling seafood as the group arrives in Phuket, Thailand’s tropical paradise. The golden sands of Patong Beach shimmer under the morning sun, and the rhythmic sound of waves crashing blends with the distant hum of long-tail boats. Today’s plan? Island hopping, snorkeling, and absolute chaos.

Scene 1: Patong Beach – Meeting Their Pirate Tour Guide

As Conan, Jason Momoa, Melissa McCarthy, and Lisa from BLACKPINK step onto Patong Beach, they are greeted by their tour guide, Captain Sakchai—a bearded, tattooed, ex-pirate-turned-boatman who swears he’s seen a sea monster in these waters.

Captain Sakchai: "Welcome to Phuket! Today, we set sail to the Phi Phi Islands, where the water is bluer than your wildest dreams! But beware… the ocean holds secrets."

Melissa McCarthy: (squinting) "Are you saying there’s an actual Kraken out there, or is this just your way of making us tip you extra?"

Jason Momoa: "I hope it’s a Kraken. I’ve always wanted to fight one."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): (laughing) "You might be too big for the boat, Jason."

Conan O’Brien: "If there’s a sea monster, I vote we sacrifice Jason first. He has the best chance of winning."

They board a sleek speedboat, the engine roaring to life as it slices through the crystal-clear waters, sending cool mist spraying over them.

Scene 2: Maya Bay – Snorkeling & The Attack of the Tiny Fish

The boat slows as it enters Maya Bay, a breathtaking lagoon surrounded by towering limestone cliffs, the water so clear that fish can be seen darting beneath the surface.

Captain Sakchai: "This is Maya Bay, once closed to protect its beauty! But now, you lucky souls get to swim in paradise."

Melissa McCarthy: (staring at the water) "So you’re saying this is the prettiest place I’ve ever peed in?"

Conan O’Brien: "I regret inviting you on this trip."

As they dive into the refreshing turquoise water, Lisa gracefully swims like a mermaid, while Jason does an epic cannonball, sending a shockwave of water that nearly sinks the boat.

Meanwhile, Conan finds himself surrounded by tiny, curious fish.

Conan O’Brien: "Uh… guys? They’re following me."

Melissa McCarthy: "Relax, Conan, they just think you’re their dad."

Suddenly, the fish start nibbling at his legs.

Conan O’Brien: "NOPE. NOPE. I AM BEING DEVOURED ALIVE."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): (laughing) "They like you, Conan!"

As Conan frantically swims back to the boat, Jason effortlessly floats on his back, gazing at the sky.

Jason Momoa: "Man, this is peace. This is where I belong."

Melissa McCarthy: "I don’t know, you look like a drowned giant who got washed ashore."

Scene 3: Viking Cave & Monkey Beach – Chaos Ensues

The boat heads to Viking Cave, where ancient cave paintings mark the walls. Captain Sakchai explains the cave’s history, but the group is more focused on the swarms of monkeys at Monkey Beach nearby.

Captain Sakchai: "Be careful! The monkeys here… they steal."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): (holding out a banana) "They’re so cute!"

As she feeds one, another monkey grabs Melissa’s sunglasses and takes off.

Melissa McCarthy: "OH, IT’S ON."

She chases after the monkey, slipping on the sand as Conan and Jason double over laughing. Meanwhile, another monkey grabs Conan’s hat and throws it into the jungle.

Conan O’Brien: (deadpan) "This is a coordinated attack."

Jason Momoa: "They sense weakness, Conan."

Lisa, being Thai, casually retrieves Conan’s hat and Melissa’s sunglasses using some local fruit as a peace offering.

Lisa (BLACKPINK): (grinning) "You just have to know how to negotiate."

Scene 4: Phi Phi Don – Lunch & Jason’s Seafood Disaster

The boat docks at Phi Phi Don, where they sit down at a beachside restaurant with wooden tables set under palm trees swaying in the breeze. The smell of grilled seafood, garlic, and lime fills the air.

Jason orders the biggest platter of spicy seafood they have, confident in his warrior stomach.

Jason Momoa: "I can handle any spice level."

Minutes later, he takes a bite of Thai chili-covered shrimp and immediately breaks into a sweat.

Jason Momoa: "Okay… okay… this is fine… this is fine."

Melissa McCarthy: (dying laughing) "Aquaman has been defeated by a shrimp!"

Lisa and Conan watch in fascination as Jason tries to act tough, despite his face turning bright red.

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "Maybe drink some coconut water?"

Conan O’Brien: "Nah, let him suffer. This is justice for the fish that bit me earlier."

Scene 5: Sunset at Promthep Cape – The Grand Finale

The final stop is Promthep Cape, where the group watches the sun melt into the Andaman Sea, painting the sky in hues of purple, gold, and pink. A gentle breeze carries the distant sound of Thai music from a nearby shrine.

They sit on the rocky cliffs, taking in the view.

Melissa McCarthy: "Alright, I admit it. Thailand is magic."

Jason Momoa: "Agreed. I might just move here and live among the sea creatures."

Conan O’Brien: "You’d make a great Thai sea deity."

Lisa looks at the horizon, then turns to Conan.

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "So… about that Muay Thai match tomorrow?"

Conan O’Brien: (horrified) "WHAT."

Jason claps him on the back, grinning.

Jason Momoa: "Oh yeah, buddy. We signed you up. A real fight. Just you… and an angry Muay Thai champion."

Melissa McCarthy: (smirking) "Let’s see if you can dodge better than the fish did."

As the last light fades over the ocean, Conan stares into the distance, contemplating every life choice that led to this moment.

Day 5 – Spiritual Sites & Muay Thai Showdown in Phuket

Setting: The sun rises over Nai Harn Beach, painting the sky with hues of orange and pink as gentle waves lap against the shore. The air is thick with the scent of salt and morning dew, mixed with the faint aroma of grilling seafood from a nearby breakfast shack. Today, Conan is about to face his greatest challenge yet—a real Muay Thai match.

Scene 1: Big Buddha – Seeking Last-Minute Enlightenment

The group arrives at Big Buddha, the iconic white marble statue towering over Phuket from its hilltop perch. The view stretches across the island, with emerald jungles rolling into turquoise waters below.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: (gazing at the Buddha) "Damn. Now that’s a cheat code for looking majestic."

Conan O’Brien: (panicking) "Do you think if I pray hard enough, I can miraculously get out of this fight?"

Rebel Wilson: "Yeah, Conan. I’m sure the universe will intervene just to make sure you don’t get punched in the face."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): (grinning) "Actually, I already invited the monks to come watch."

As if on cue, a group of monks nod solemnly from the steps.

Conan O’Brien: "I see. This is my fate now."

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "Come on, buddy. If you can survive Lisa’s pranks, you can survive Muay Thai."

Rebel Wilson: "Worst case? You get knocked out, and we get it on video."

Scene 2: Wat Chalong – A Blessing Before Battle

They make a stop at Wat Chalong, Phuket’s most revered temple. The air is heavy with incense, and golden statues gleam under the morning light. A monk sprinkles holy water over Conan’s head.

Monk: "For strength, wisdom, and… quick feet."

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "Quick feet, Conan. Very important."

Conan O’Brien: (whispering) "Did he just subtly tell me to run for my life?"

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "I think so."

Scene 3: Muay Thai Gym – Conan vs. The Champion

The group enters a traditional Muay Thai gym, the scent of leather gloves, sweat, and tiger balm filling the air. Fighters wrap their hands in cloth, and the rhythmic sound of pads being struck echoes through the room.

Suddenly, Conan’s opponent steps forward—a lean, muscular Thai fighter with the aura of a trained assassin.

Coach: "Conan, meet The Cobra. He has never lost."

Conan O’Brien: "That’s a great fun fact to hear seconds before getting in the ring."

Rebel Wilson: "Oh, it’s fine. I put 500 baht on you surviving at least 30 seconds."

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "Alright, let’s train. First, footwork."

Conan O’Brien: (tripping over his own feet) "Nailed it."

After a few rushed lessons, Conan steps into the ring. The crowd gathers, including the monks from earlier, chanting softly.

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "This is either going to be legendary or tragic."

Scene 4: The Fight Begins

The bell rings.

Conan immediately throws a punch—misses—and stumbles forward.

The Cobra barely moves.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "STAY CALM, CONAN!"

Rebel Wilson: (cheering) "USE THE ‘TERRIFIED IRISHMAN’ TECHNIQUE!"

The Cobra throws a light kick, barely tapping Conan’s leg, but Conan dramatically flings himself backward like he’s been hit by a truck.

Conan O’Brien: "OH GOD, MY SPIRIT HAS LEFT MY BODY."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "That was… impressive acting."

The Cobra, amused, lets Conan throw a punch. It lands—barely. The crowd gasps.

Coach: "Good! Now keep going!"

But before Conan can react, The Cobra gently sweeps his leg, and Conan crashes to the mat like a fallen giraffe.

Rebel Wilson: "Well. That was a solid 25 seconds. I lost my bet."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "At least he tried!"

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "Proud of you, buddy. You got knocked down, but you got back up."

Conan O’Brien: "Physically? No. Mentally? Also no."

The monks chant a blessing as Conan lies there, too tired to move.

Scene 5: Nai Harn Beach – The Victory Party (Sort Of)

After the match, the group heads to Nai Harn Beach, a quiet stretch of white sand with gentle waves rolling onto shore. The ocean breeze carries the scent of grilled seafood from a nearby stall.

They settle down at a beachside shack with fresh coconuts in hand.

Rebel Wilson: "Well, Conan, you didn’t die. So technically, you won."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "And you punched a Muay Thai champion. Not many people can say that!"

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "And you lasted almost 30 seconds. That’s better than I expected."

Conan O’Brien: (sipping coconut water, exhausted) "You all think this is a win. But I’m going to feel this loss for weeks."

As the sun sets over the ocean, a fire dancer twirls flames in the background, their golden light reflecting in Lisa’s sunglasses. The sky explodes into pink, orange, and deep purple.

Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson: "Alright, final toast—to Conan, the warrior who tried."

Lisa (BLACKPINK): "To Conan, the legend."

Rebel Wilson: "To Conan… the guy who made me lose my bet."

They clink their drinks together, laughter echoing against the sounds of the sea.

Conan O’Brien: (sighing, finally relaxing) "You know what? Thailand was worth the pain."

As the final wave gently crashes against the shore, the trip comes to a close—a mix of chaos, laughter, and just a little bit of enlightenment.

[THE END.]

Final Reflection: Chaotic, Hilarious, and Surprisingly Life-Changing Adventure in Thailand

[Scene opens with Conan sitting on a quiet stretch of Nai Harn Beach, the last glow of the sunset painting the sky in shades of pink, orange, and deep purple. Waves crash gently onto the shore as he leans back in a beach chair, looking completely exhausted but deeply satisfied. Nearby, Rebel Wilson, The Rock, and Lisa (BLACKPINK) sip fresh coconut water, watching fire dancers perform along the shoreline.]

Conan’s Closing Thoughts

"Well, folks… I made it. Barely."

"Five days. Five glorious, ridiculous, hilarious, and physically painful days in the Land of Smiles. I came to Thailand thinking I’d eat some good food, visit some temples, maybe get a nice massage. What I did NOT expect was to get attacked by fish, outsmarted by monkeys, nearly drowned by an elephant, and knocked out by a 12-year-old Muay Thai champion."

"Let’s be honest: I was not the most graceful traveler. I fell into a canal. I ran from a monkey gang. I lost to a shrimp in a battle of spice. And yet… somehow, I leave Thailand feeling victorious. Because, against all odds, I survived."

"But this trip was more than just a comedy show—it was a true adventure. I got to experience the beauty, the energy, and the incredible culture of Thailand in a way I never imagined. From the golden temples of Bangkok to the ruins of Ayutthaya, from the jungles of Chiang Mai to the turquoise waters of Phuket, every moment was a mix of awe, chaos, and pure joy."

"And I have to thank my amazing, insane, and questionably responsible travel companions for making this the most unforgettable trip of my life."

Shoutouts to My Partners in Chaos

• Jack Black, Tina Fey, and Mario Maurer for making Bangkok a non-stop comedy festival of bad decisions and even worse tuk-tuk driving.
• Will Ferrell, Kristen Wiig, and Tony Jaa for turning Ayutthaya into a historical reenactment gone horribly wrong (but in the best way possible).
• Ryan Reynolds, Emma Stone, and Baifern Pimchanok for betraying me in Chiang Mai by secretly enrolling me in a Muay Thai fight. I hope you’re proud of yourselves.
• Jason Momoa, Melissa McCarthy, and Lisa (BLACKPINK) for making Phuket an absolute wild ride of snorkeling disasters, monkey theft, and spicy food challenges that ruined Jason’s dignity.
• Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, Rebel Wilson, and Lisa (AGAIN, because she really enjoyed my suffering) for pushing me into the most humiliating yet strangely spiritual experience of my life—a Muay Thai fight that I absolutely, unequivocally lost.

"And, of course, a HUGE thanks to the people of Thailand—for their kindness, their patience, and for not immediately kicking me out of the country."

What I Learned in Thailand

"At the start of this trip, I joked about finding enlightenment in Thailand. And sure, I didn't exactly reach Nirvana, but I did learn a few things."

• One: Thai street food is not for the weak. If it looks spicy, it is. If it doesn’t look spicy, it’s probably even worse.
• Two: Monkeys are thieves. They will steal your sunglasses, your snacks, and your dignity.
• Three: Elephants will remember if you mess with them. And they will seek revenge… in the form of a very wet trunk to the face.
• Four: Muay Thai is NOT for amateurs. Especially amateurs named Conan O’Brien.
• And Five: Thailand is pure magic. The kind of place that captures your heart, fills your stomach, and leaves you wondering why you ever thought you were leaving in the first place.

[Conan lifts his coconut drink, looking at the camera with a warm, slightly mischievous smile.]

"To Thailand—for the incredible people, the unbelievable food, the breathtaking landscapes, and for giving me five of the most ridiculous, wonderful, and gloriously embarrassing days of my life."

"I came here expecting a fun vacation. I leave with bruises, great memories, and a deep, undeniable love for this country."

"And to everyone watching—if you ever get the chance to visit Thailand, DO IT. Just… maybe bring some Muay Thai padding and extra sunglasses."

"Khop khun krub, Thailand. I’ll be back."

[The camera fades as Conan clinks drinks with The Rock, Rebel, and Lisa, laughing as the waves crash behind them.]

[THE END.]

Final Sensory Highlights of the Journey:

• Sights: Glowing temple spires, lush jungle landscapes, golden beaches, Conan flailing in every possible scenario.
• Sounds: The rhythmic chant of monks, the roar of a Muay Thai crowd, the laughter of friends, the splash of an elephant’s revenge.
• Smells: Sizzling street food, coconut sunscreen, the faint smell of Conan’s fear before every challenge.
• Tastes: Fiery Thai curries, fresh coconut water, grilled seafood, and a big slice of humble pie.
• Feel: The sting of Muay Thai kicks, the warmth of Thailand’s sun, the soft sand of Phuket, and the overwhelming joy of an unforgettable journey.

Final Bonus: Conan’s Personal Thailand Travel Tips

1. Do NOT challenge a monkey. You will lose.
2. If a local says something is “a little spicy,” prepare your will.
3. Don’t assume Muay Thai fighters will take it easy on you. Even if you’re "just a talk show host."
4. Elephants are smarter than you. Accept it.
5. Thailand will steal your heart. And your ability to ever eat bland food again.

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